[jake]

One of the most aggravating things that my head tells me is that "I'm not really making it". Seems to get louder when I have the gall to start feeling I might be Ok. In 1968 This song by Simon and Garfunkel came out. I was 12 going on 13 and I didn't understand it all, but I loved the tune and related even then. Here's some lyrics:
--------------
I'm such a dubious soul

And a walk in the garden...

Wears me down.

Tangled in the fallen vines,

Pickin' up the punch lines..

I know I'm Fakin It.

Not really makin' it.

Is there any danger?

No, no, not really.

Just lean on me.

Takin' time to treat your friendly neighbors honestly..

I've just been Fakin It

Not really makin' it.

This feeling of Fakin It,

I Still haven't shaken it.
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Anyway, I'm going to try to find some music that helps me somehow.

 

[jake]

I think I asked this too to see if others wish they could get back to breathing in and breathing out and really living instead of an almost "I can only hold my breath for so long and make it through a siuation" feeling. Damnit I just wanna live! I have to assume lots feel this way, the wish to be "normal" or "back to old self". I've read it here alot. I do try to recall times I was going along well and felt strong. I don't do it to try to turn back the clock I do it to remind me that there have been times I was not like this and that I can be that way agian. And possibly even further down the road this time in my understanding and coping with DP etc.. I wanna stare it down and watch it wither to dust, and be very kind to myself. And have fun again. All that stuff.

 

[M A R S]

Ill repost this:

I started to feel my self acting a tiny bit more normal tonight, and frankly that terrifies me.

Maybe its the buspar Finley starting to work, or maybe its bi-polar disorder.

I feel normal and then freak out that that's wrong and its part of some mental illness i must have. Then i think if i start to get better what happens it this is all fake and I'm really just so much worse now.

Has anyone else ever had feelings like this?

 

[whiterabbit]

I feel fraudulent all the time at the moment- I have been in this state for a few weeks, I have had a couple of evenings where i have felt better and more able to engage and then it has gone again, and I am left with my thoughts of emptiness. Like you I remember times when I wasn't like this - although most of the time I have been like this - I feel a fraud amongst people who also have MH probs, because I don't feel like I am there, just a blank space with no attention span, and feel it is my fault and I shall never be different. Its very hard to keep going Jake, all I can say is that I can relate to the feeling of fraud.

Sarah x

 

[jake]

Thank you space and Sarah, here's hoping all 3 of us will feel more real and have more relief from our symptoms as we go on. I'm putting alot of stock into the ideas I read here that sound hopeful and logical; like try to live outwardly and not in my head so much, DO something even when that's the last dam thing I feel able to do. At least I have clean laundry dishes and yard to look at and know I took care of that, Regardless of how I felt. Just fakin it I guess can also lead to good things maybe? "Acting as If" I am a normal person without these scary thoughts that haunt like a freakin ghost!!! Blahhh! Boooo! Go away ghost! Maybe I should call ghostbusters. Thanks both for replying it meant alot to me.

 

[Guest]

im definitely the same. my guess is that this type of thinking or feeling is caused by psychological problems that either caused dp/dr or caused by it.