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Background: I first became aware of my dpdr symptoms about 6 years ago (gr.8-9 if that is in any way relevant). For at least 5 of those years, it hasn't turned off. The severity in which I experience the symptoms varies, but they're constantly present. I tried marijuana for the first time a year and a half ago and really liked it. At first, the highs were always great, though that's no longer the case (more frequently than I'd prefer, it just causes anxiety and heart palpitations).

Since August, I've been smoking at least 4 times a week. In a way, the weed can temporarily heightens certain symptoms, but when it's a good high, it also alleviates some big ones. Sometimes it widens the gap between me and my body- I'll be watching something funny, laughing, feeling good, but somehow those feelings and the entire scene feel far away and somehow not my own. Evidently, depersonalizing from my high self is one of the strangest experiences ever, but it doesn't always go that way. Sometimes it causes physical sensations where my body feels really nice. When I'm sober, it normally doesn't even feel like I have a body, and when it does, it's just my arms and/or head feeling super heavy. So, any moments where I can actually *feel* my physical self are incredible to me. My absolute favourite effect is one that generally only occurs if I'm ultra tired when I smoke. It brings a peaceful, content feeling (something I haven't experienced sober since this all began) before I drift off to sleep. Those moments are so brief and infrequent, but when they occur, it's like I'm floating on a cloud. I'm relaxed, satisfied, and everything just feels right- then I crash.

Questions: Pretty much everything I've read thus far warns that marijuana negatively impacts dpdr or even causes it. This makes me wonder: will the marijuana usage worsen my symptoms in the long term? Has anyone else had no experiences with drugs prior to the onset of their symptoms and later found positive effects in marijuana? [All input is helpful, but I would be especially curious to hear from those who developed the disorder prior to any drug usage.]

I have one more question, though it may not be one for this forum. Does anyone know if the different effects that dope has on me are related to strain, my mood, a combination of the two, or something else entirely?

Any credible links relating to any of these questions would be incredibly appreciated!

P.s. Thank you to anyone who took the time to read this post.
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