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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I used to be able to interact with people effortlessly, but now it takes great effort to appear calm and "normal" when I am anything but on the inside. Social anxiety itself is hard enough to deal with by itself, but when you add DP and DR into the mix, it can be completely overwhelming. I try to put on a facade of normalcy so that other people won't notice, but I don't think it's very convincing, to be honest.

For example, I just got home from the dentist. I haven't been for a cleaning in well over 5 years, but an excruciating toothache forced me to make an appointment. As soon as I walked in the door to the waiting room, the DR started to hit me like a boulder. Everything looked so weird... like the environment and people were shimmering and made of light. I felt so outside of myself, very far away. If I didn't know better, I would think I was on a hallucinogenic drug of some type.

Unfortunately, I do know better. A huge DP/DR drigger for me is being in unfamiliar places with people I do not know. The flourescent lights also effect me big time - they make everything look surreal to me, and add to my feeling of complete detachment.

Anyway, when I got to one of the secretaries at the front desk I was so overwhelmed by these feelings that I felt paralyzed - I literally could not speak. I managed to somehow get my name out, but that was it. When I am in that state, I feel completely helpless and ineffectual, and different from everyone else. I mean, what good are you if you can't even put words together?

I was then given a few forms to fill out. My interaction with the secretary felt so forced and difficult that it was obvious from her expression that she could tell something was wrong. When I sat down to fill out the forms, I looked at the people around me and I could tell just by their eyes that they thought I was weird.

That's a look I've become increasingly used to. When I've had to interact with people lately, my total social ineptness has made making eye contact excruciating. I can see their reactions in their eyes and facial expressions. I can just hear them thinking, "What's wrong with him?" You have no idea, believe me.

Anyway, when I was eventually shown to my room and sat in "the chair". I managed to explain to the nurse how I developed the toothache in a semi-coherent way (although it was obvious from my speech that I was bound-up with anxiety). I was OK when I was in the chair because the room had a window facing me and I was pretty much left alone.

After having x-rays, seeing a doctor and being diagnosed with 2 cavaties and making a followup appointment, I walked out of the building feeling very depressed. I used to be able to do "normal" things like going to the dentist, school, a department store, or a supermarket and not even give it a second thought. Now it takes such an effort to try and appear normal when my mind is complete chaos, that I rarely leave the house.

I am taking 3 classes at a community college, and that has been pure hell : the people, the interaction, the lights, the claustraphobic rooms with no windows, the unfamiliar environment... all those elements have been making for a very unpleasent experience for me. I have been able to do the work so far (they aren't hard classes), but every day I am THIS close to getting up and walking out of the class I am in and never going back.

If I ever have the earth-shattering feeling that nothing is real, and I am in a dream (which I have had a handful of times in my life, and is the closest thing to hell that I can imagine), I will do just that. Every day consists of me trying to somehow avoid that, and intense DP/DR feelings. It is virtually impossible to concentrate on what the professor is saying when you're constantly trying to fight for your own sanity. So I have to do a lot of additional work at home (a "safe" environment for me) to catch up on what I missed while I was in class, but not actually there.

I am very resentful of other people to whom life still comes so easily. When I am at school I see people talking, laughing, and interacting, while I am completely alientated from everyone, rarely making eye contact or talking to anyone, festering in my own private hell. It doesn't seem fair. Then again, life is rarely fair. It's just very sad.

I just needed to get that out. Thanks for reading.
 
G

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Discussion Starter · #2 ·
I used to be able to interact with people effortlessly, but now it takes great effort to appear calm and "normal" when I am anything but on the inside. Social anxiety itself is hard enough to deal with by itself, but when you add DP and DR into the mix, it can be completely overwhelming. I try to put on a facade of normalcy so that other people won't notice, but I don't think it's very convincing, to be honest.

For example, I just got home from the dentist. I haven't been for a cleaning in well over 5 years, but an excruciating toothache forced me to make an appointment. As soon as I walked in the door to the waiting room, the DR started to hit me like a boulder. Everything looked so weird... like the environment and people were shimmering and made of light. I felt so outside of myself, very far away. If I didn't know better, I would think I was on a hallucinogenic drug of some type.

Unfortunately, I do know better. A huge DP/DR drigger for me is being in unfamiliar places with people I do not know. The flourescent lights also effect me big time - they make everything look surreal to me, and add to my feeling of complete detachment.

Anyway, when I got to one of the secretaries at the front desk I was so overwhelmed by these feelings that I felt paralyzed - I literally could not speak. I managed to somehow get my name out, but that was it. When I am in that state, I feel completely helpless and ineffectual, and different from everyone else. I mean, what good are you if you can't even put words together?

I was then given a few forms to fill out. My interaction with the secretary felt so forced and difficult that it was obvious from her expression that she could tell something was wrong. When I sat down to fill out the forms, I looked at the people around me and I could tell just by their eyes that they thought I was weird.

That's a look I've become increasingly used to. When I've had to interact with people lately, my total social ineptness has made making eye contact excruciating. I can see their reactions in their eyes and facial expressions. I can just hear them thinking, "What's wrong with him?" You have no idea, believe me.

Anyway, when I was eventually shown to my room and sat in "the chair". I managed to explain to the nurse how I developed the toothache in a semi-coherent way (although it was obvious from my speech that I was bound-up with anxiety). I was OK when I was in the chair because the room had a window facing me and I was pretty much left alone.

After having x-rays, seeing a doctor and being diagnosed with 2 cavaties and making a followup appointment, I walked out of the building feeling very depressed. I used to be able to do "normal" things like going to the dentist, school, a department store, or a supermarket and not even give it a second thought. Now it takes such an effort to try and appear normal when my mind is complete chaos, that I rarely leave the house.

I am taking 3 classes at a community college, and that has been pure hell : the people, the interaction, the lights, the claustraphobic rooms with no windows, the unfamiliar environment... all those elements have been making for a very unpleasent experience for me. I have been able to do the work so far (they aren't hard classes), but every day I am THIS close to getting up and walking out of the class I am in and never going back.

If I ever have the earth-shattering feeling that nothing is real, and I am in a dream (which I have had a handful of times in my life, and is the closest thing to hell that I can imagine), I will do just that. Every day consists of me trying to somehow avoid that, and intense DP/DR feelings. It is virtually impossible to concentrate on what the professor is saying when you're constantly trying to fight for your own sanity. So I have to do a lot of additional work at home (a "safe" environment for me) to catch up on what I missed while I was in class, but not actually there.

I am very resentful of other people to whom life still comes so easily. When I am at school I see people talking, laughing, and interacting, while I am completely alientated from everyone, rarely making eye contact or talking to anyone, festering in my own private hell. It doesn't seem fair. Then again, life is rarely fair. It's just very sad.

I just needed to get that out. Thanks for reading.
 

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well done on getting to the dentist, i cant go out on my own at the moment because the dp/dr is so bad and in strange places, sat in waiting room i always feel alot worse as if you could fall off the world, i know thats not possible but some right crap goes through your head. hope your next visit goes a bit better, good luck
 

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well done on getting to the dentist, i cant go out on my own at the moment because the dp/dr is so bad and in strange places, sat in waiting room i always feel alot worse as if you could fall off the world, i know thats not possible but some right crap goes through your head. hope your next visit goes a bit better, good luck
 

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Your grief is empathized, trust me. I struggle every day and not a week goes by without some emotional breakdown. It's not fair. Not fair at all.

Be well,
Paolo
 

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Your grief is empathized, trust me. I struggle every day and not a week goes by without some emotional breakdown. It's not fair. Not fair at all.

Be well,
Paolo
 
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