Depersonalization Support Forum banner
1 - 20 of 38 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
31 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I remember there was some discussion earlier, where some were somewhat afraid of getting back to normal reality. I was one of them, maybe it was the change that was scaring me, as after 2 months dp 24/7 I could no longer remember how it was to be without the fog. Of course I desperately wanted to get better, but at the same time it frightened me.

Now I can tell you there is nothing frightening in dp lifting away. The change is gradual, and when you get better, you realize that the normal reality was always there with you, alongside dp-feeling, although when dp'ed you thought you can no longer remember how it was to be normal.

But now later on I really understand why it's called a defense. I feel there was something protective with dp. In it's gentle embrace :D I wasn't as anxious as Im now, as somehow the fog protected me from my anxious thoughts. I feel much more vulnerable now...it's really hard to explain..(okay some of you just might want to kill me right now cause of the matter Im complaining about)

Does anybody else have some similar thoughts?

(Now Im totally dp'ed when writing this..got what I wanted..)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
31 Posts
Discussion Starter · #2 ·
I remember there was some discussion earlier, where some were somewhat afraid of getting back to normal reality. I was one of them, maybe it was the change that was scaring me, as after 2 months dp 24/7 I could no longer remember how it was to be without the fog. Of course I desperately wanted to get better, but at the same time it frightened me.

Now I can tell you there is nothing frightening in dp lifting away. The change is gradual, and when you get better, you realize that the normal reality was always there with you, alongside dp-feeling, although when dp'ed you thought you can no longer remember how it was to be normal.

But now later on I really understand why it's called a defense. I feel there was something protective with dp. In it's gentle embrace :D I wasn't as anxious as Im now, as somehow the fog protected me from my anxious thoughts. I feel much more vulnerable now...it's really hard to explain..(okay some of you just might want to kill me right now cause of the matter Im complaining about)

Does anybody else have some similar thoughts?

(Now Im totally dp'ed when writing this..got what I wanted..)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
723 Posts
yes i'm dealing with anxiety more than dp right now as the dp has been lifting for me too. not gone yet but definately going. in my case i think i need to up my ad dose as i'm still on the lowest. have you used any meds to help?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
723 Posts
yes i'm dealing with anxiety more than dp right now as the dp has been lifting for me too. not gone yet but definately going. in my case i think i need to up my ad dose as i'm still on the lowest. have you used any meds to help?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
31 Posts
Discussion Starter · #5 ·
I have been on Remeron (antidepressant, 15 mg daily which is the lowest) for four weeks now. I think I should up it also, or try something else. I might feel more anxious n depressed without it, but I don't think it's helping much.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
31 Posts
Discussion Starter · #6 ·
I have been on Remeron (antidepressant, 15 mg daily which is the lowest) for four weeks now. I think I should up it also, or try something else. I might feel more anxious n depressed without it, but I don't think it's helping much.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
723 Posts
i dont know remeron. is it an ssri? some of the ssris are given for anxiety as well as depression
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
723 Posts
i dont know remeron. is it an ssri? some of the ssris are given for anxiety as well as depression
 
G

·
The worst thing you can do when you start coming out of dp is to compare yourself to how you ever felt in the past. Do not look behind you.

You will have ample time to reflect later - once you are really over all this. But not now.

This is the time, more than ever before, when it's crucial to NOT self-examine. Ignore yourself. As much as humanly possible, keep your mind on other people, subjects, entertainments, interesting topics/ideas (politics, history, literature, whatever your interests are)....keep your mind OFF yourself.

If you're tempted to compare how you felt yesterday with how you feel today, STOP. Don't let yourself do it. You will feel a pull like gravity - fight it.

It sounds like you're well on your way, but dont' bog down now with self-observing. If you feel anxious, then feel anxious. Period. Then go do something. Don't question why you're anxious or what to do about it. Not at this point in time.

Peace,
Janine
 
G

·
The worst thing you can do when you start coming out of dp is to compare yourself to how you ever felt in the past. Do not look behind you.

You will have ample time to reflect later - once you are really over all this. But not now.

This is the time, more than ever before, when it's crucial to NOT self-examine. Ignore yourself. As much as humanly possible, keep your mind on other people, subjects, entertainments, interesting topics/ideas (politics, history, literature, whatever your interests are)....keep your mind OFF yourself.

If you're tempted to compare how you felt yesterday with how you feel today, STOP. Don't let yourself do it. You will feel a pull like gravity - fight it.

It sounds like you're well on your way, but dont' bog down now with self-observing. If you feel anxious, then feel anxious. Period. Then go do something. Don't question why you're anxious or what to do about it. Not at this point in time.

Peace,
Janine
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
723 Posts
thanks for the advice. i'm working on allowing myself not to reflect if that makes sense
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
723 Posts
thanks for the advice. i'm working on allowing myself not to reflect if that makes sense
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
935 Posts
Yep, again Im confused. I know I always post about this issue. The thing I can't get to grips with is this :

There are underlying reasons for our anxiety/dp. For instance as you mention in your book Janine, a conflict in beliefs that pose a threat to our ego. Now, I am lifting up out of dp also, have been almost dp free for the last few weeks. Now, if I was dp'd because of underlying issues, and now the dp is gone, is that because I have resolved those issues? If not, does that mean the issue is still there, and I am just ignoring it? That is why I find it hard to just crack on with it. By going around feeling happy and getting back into my normal life, I am just covering up a wound. But, on the other hand, I can quite often dismiss this and think that it is just the dp making me feel this insecurity.

How much of this questioning/ insecurity about ego and 'personality disintegration' as Clare Weeks puts it, is down to dp? As of late, I have been questioning everything from career to clothes, am I being true to myself etc. Or is it that which causes the dp, and is my original problem? I certainly know that once the circle starts, they both exacerbate each other. Chicken and Egg? Who came first?

What is the goal? If I am getting rid of dp, am I curing myself? If the dp is gone and I feel happy have I succeeded in reaching the goal? Or, when dp is gone, and I am much more confident and trust myself to 'do life' do I then go to a psychiatrist to get my brain opened up and my past examined?? If I am happy, does that mean that subconsciously my brain is up to its old tricks? I understand about black and white thinking and the whole host of thought processes that trip us up, I don't feel scared to be myself, theres nothing I want more, and have been for a few weeks now but am I just being tricked into thinking I'm happy? Its this whole 'personality disintegration' thing - its my bone of contention. Is it a by-product of the tricks that my mind is playing on me?

I think when I imagine myself back in June, when everything was ok, that really there was this huge problem I just didn't know it. I imagine the problem was always there, and I just didn't know it. How can this be? I guess the truth is somewhere in the middle, I wasn't 'defective' but occasionally a few issues need to be raised in order to move forward? Sometimes I'm not sure if Im having a sh*t or a shave (as we say in UK - maybe not in US). None of this probably makes sense and I know I always ask the same question. Today has been a tricky one as have had lots of conversations about careers etc which has made me a bit dp so this conundrum has raised its ugly head again. The conundrum of why? If I knew why then it'd be ok. Other times I think it's all a load of bullsh*t.

I know there are some people on this forum who believe that dp is almost just a biological/neurological thing for them and by not tuning into, it goes away. Like that Elaine Maxwell who's story I posted. I have always thought like this, and it has worked. Until I discovered the nature of dissociation and why people do it, so the looking for 'reasons' perpetuates my problem, I tear apart events/incidents/people to analyse and think how they may have affected me. Before this, my moto was a problem's not a problem until you make it one. Now I have the distinct feeling I may be doing the opposite.

What is the goal here? Does anyboy else know what I mean cos I can't see that I've made much sense. Sorry to ramble.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
935 Posts
Yep, again Im confused. I know I always post about this issue. The thing I can't get to grips with is this :

There are underlying reasons for our anxiety/dp. For instance as you mention in your book Janine, a conflict in beliefs that pose a threat to our ego. Now, I am lifting up out of dp also, have been almost dp free for the last few weeks. Now, if I was dp'd because of underlying issues, and now the dp is gone, is that because I have resolved those issues? If not, does that mean the issue is still there, and I am just ignoring it? That is why I find it hard to just crack on with it. By going around feeling happy and getting back into my normal life, I am just covering up a wound. But, on the other hand, I can quite often dismiss this and think that it is just the dp making me feel this insecurity.

How much of this questioning/ insecurity about ego and 'personality disintegration' as Clare Weeks puts it, is down to dp? As of late, I have been questioning everything from career to clothes, am I being true to myself etc. Or is it that which causes the dp, and is my original problem? I certainly know that once the circle starts, they both exacerbate each other. Chicken and Egg? Who came first?

What is the goal? If I am getting rid of dp, am I curing myself? If the dp is gone and I feel happy have I succeeded in reaching the goal? Or, when dp is gone, and I am much more confident and trust myself to 'do life' do I then go to a psychiatrist to get my brain opened up and my past examined?? If I am happy, does that mean that subconsciously my brain is up to its old tricks? I understand about black and white thinking and the whole host of thought processes that trip us up, I don't feel scared to be myself, theres nothing I want more, and have been for a few weeks now but am I just being tricked into thinking I'm happy? Its this whole 'personality disintegration' thing - its my bone of contention. Is it a by-product of the tricks that my mind is playing on me?

I think when I imagine myself back in June, when everything was ok, that really there was this huge problem I just didn't know it. I imagine the problem was always there, and I just didn't know it. How can this be? I guess the truth is somewhere in the middle, I wasn't 'defective' but occasionally a few issues need to be raised in order to move forward? Sometimes I'm not sure if Im having a sh*t or a shave (as we say in UK - maybe not in US). None of this probably makes sense and I know I always ask the same question. Today has been a tricky one as have had lots of conversations about careers etc which has made me a bit dp so this conundrum has raised its ugly head again. The conundrum of why? If I knew why then it'd be ok. Other times I think it's all a load of bullsh*t.

I know there are some people on this forum who believe that dp is almost just a biological/neurological thing for them and by not tuning into, it goes away. Like that Elaine Maxwell who's story I posted. I have always thought like this, and it has worked. Until I discovered the nature of dissociation and why people do it, so the looking for 'reasons' perpetuates my problem, I tear apart events/incidents/people to analyse and think how they may have affected me. Before this, my moto was a problem's not a problem until you make it one. Now I have the distinct feeling I may be doing the opposite.

What is the goal here? Does anyboy else know what I mean cos I can't see that I've made much sense. Sorry to ramble.
 
G

·
:D First of all, IT'S GREAT to hear of all of you coming OUT OF DP!!!! :D :!: :D :!: That is such wonderful, encouraging news!!! You are all an inspiration!!!

I've been reading on 3 different forums about dp/dr. I was really under the impression that it is an anxiety disease. Yet, I'm finding that may not always hold true, if dp/dr is the primary illness.

I know for me, it's anxiety related. It has come out of nowhere before in my teens and not lasted long. But this time was chronic 24/7 debilitating derealization that gripped me after a panic attack. I've had a few relapses of panic followed again by derealization. Now when I feel a panic coming on and that feeling of derealization that accumpanies it , I quickly take a Xanex sublingually and it brings me back down to earth. I start to feel derealization coming on and the Xanex just makes me feel "normal" again. Xanex directly attacks anxiety. So, I connect my derealization to anxiety.

I don't think I have abuse issues as a child. There is depression and mental illness in some of my family. My mom suffered from depression bouts and I'm sure now has always suffered a mild depression all her life as she is miserable to live with. (I guess that's abusive?) Both my older sisters have issues, so I do believe it's at least in our family genes.

Again, I don't feel this is a black and white thing. And it seems that hormones play a big part in our mental state as well.

Carla
 
G

·
:D First of all, IT'S GREAT to hear of all of you coming OUT OF DP!!!! :D :!: :D :!: That is such wonderful, encouraging news!!! You are all an inspiration!!!

I've been reading on 3 different forums about dp/dr. I was really under the impression that it is an anxiety disease. Yet, I'm finding that may not always hold true, if dp/dr is the primary illness.

I know for me, it's anxiety related. It has come out of nowhere before in my teens and not lasted long. But this time was chronic 24/7 debilitating derealization that gripped me after a panic attack. I've had a few relapses of panic followed again by derealization. Now when I feel a panic coming on and that feeling of derealization that accumpanies it , I quickly take a Xanex sublingually and it brings me back down to earth. I start to feel derealization coming on and the Xanex just makes me feel "normal" again. Xanex directly attacks anxiety. So, I connect my derealization to anxiety.

I don't think I have abuse issues as a child. There is depression and mental illness in some of my family. My mom suffered from depression bouts and I'm sure now has always suffered a mild depression all her life as she is miserable to live with. (I guess that's abusive?) Both my older sisters have issues, so I do believe it's at least in our family genes.

Again, I don't feel this is a black and white thing. And it seems that hormones play a big part in our mental state as well.

Carla
 
G

·
Dear G-Funk with the very cute kitten,
Okay. Now.....where do I start? You want a diagnosis? LOL....let's just say "obsessive" would be in there somewhere, grin.

First, it's not that one "needs" to go to a therapist and open up the past. Very very few people have traumas locked somewhere in their childhood. The past is useful, only because the more a therapist knows about you and how you came to be the way you, how you think, how you've always thought, how that thinking changes with time, etc...useful.

But the keys to the kind of self-growth/self-undertanding that I talk about have to do with how you are NOW, not about anything that may have happened to you years ago.

Here's my hunch: if the dp goes away, fantastic. But...it is pretty rare for someone to have a crippling breakdown, recover without really knowing why and then go on to a happy and un-symptomatic life.

Whatever invoked the dp might invoke it again down the line. Might NOT. But logic ain't on your side.

It sounds like your dp fades when your self-esteem skyrockets. I was similar, by the way. As long as I felt safe within myself, when I was pumping myself up and believing I had the world by the tail and could do/be anything I desired...when my moments were filled with utter potential and invincible feelings...the dp was very minimal.

The next shattering injury to that tightly-wound little happy delusion would then send me back into the spiral.

Also, don't torment yourself with "why am I more dp'd today? or why was the dp worse last night? what happend that made it worse?" There may not be an answer. Once we open the portal to powerful dissociation, we might have ups and downs and wild shifts in it NOT related to any particular thought or experience.

There is usually a root cause for the onset of the symptoms, but not necessarily any direct cause for fluctuations within the mind state once one starts the horrible descent.

Point is this: nothing horribly wrong with feeling better, trying to not obsess and then just going on with life. But....if you feel it start to return, the way out might involve learning more about yourself.

Also, it's sooo tricky and so hard to explain, but symptoms are often caused not by WHAT we think but by the PROCESS of HOW we think. Defenses, masks, self-lies, knowing and not knowing, seeing and not seeing, games we play with ourselves to cover up feelings of low self-worth all produce PROCESSES within our thought construction that very very often pave the road for symptoms like dp/dr, anxiety and obsessiveness.

I don't know HOW to tell anyone to get at that without doing therapy. It involves a kind of structural change within self, a reworking of how we think - that may have gotten stalled when we invoked some very precarious methods of coping.

I know it all sounds so jargony, lol....sorry. I just know it can work.

Peace,
J
 
G

·
Dear G-Funk with the very cute kitten,
Okay. Now.....where do I start? You want a diagnosis? LOL....let's just say "obsessive" would be in there somewhere, grin.

First, it's not that one "needs" to go to a therapist and open up the past. Very very few people have traumas locked somewhere in their childhood. The past is useful, only because the more a therapist knows about you and how you came to be the way you, how you think, how you've always thought, how that thinking changes with time, etc...useful.

But the keys to the kind of self-growth/self-undertanding that I talk about have to do with how you are NOW, not about anything that may have happened to you years ago.

Here's my hunch: if the dp goes away, fantastic. But...it is pretty rare for someone to have a crippling breakdown, recover without really knowing why and then go on to a happy and un-symptomatic life.

Whatever invoked the dp might invoke it again down the line. Might NOT. But logic ain't on your side.

It sounds like your dp fades when your self-esteem skyrockets. I was similar, by the way. As long as I felt safe within myself, when I was pumping myself up and believing I had the world by the tail and could do/be anything I desired...when my moments were filled with utter potential and invincible feelings...the dp was very minimal.

The next shattering injury to that tightly-wound little happy delusion would then send me back into the spiral.

Also, don't torment yourself with "why am I more dp'd today? or why was the dp worse last night? what happend that made it worse?" There may not be an answer. Once we open the portal to powerful dissociation, we might have ups and downs and wild shifts in it NOT related to any particular thought or experience.

There is usually a root cause for the onset of the symptoms, but not necessarily any direct cause for fluctuations within the mind state once one starts the horrible descent.

Point is this: nothing horribly wrong with feeling better, trying to not obsess and then just going on with life. But....if you feel it start to return, the way out might involve learning more about yourself.

Also, it's sooo tricky and so hard to explain, but symptoms are often caused not by WHAT we think but by the PROCESS of HOW we think. Defenses, masks, self-lies, knowing and not knowing, seeing and not seeing, games we play with ourselves to cover up feelings of low self-worth all produce PROCESSES within our thought construction that very very often pave the road for symptoms like dp/dr, anxiety and obsessiveness.

I don't know HOW to tell anyone to get at that without doing therapy. It involves a kind of structural change within self, a reworking of how we think - that may have gotten stalled when we invoked some very precarious methods of coping.

I know it all sounds so jargony, lol....sorry. I just know it can work.

Peace,
J
 
1 - 20 of 38 Posts
Top