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Hello there,

I'm male, 22yrs old, from Slovenia and I have a following problem or actually problems.

In January this year I was hospitalized because I had some kind of psychosis, caused by speed or weed, I don't know. I was smoking weed for 2 years, without any problems, it actually helped me become smarter I think and I still believe that but then I did a hit(or what it's called) of speed in January and in the next few days I just got totally hit by delusions. It was so bad that my parents took me to a mental hospital and I've had to stay there for 18 days. At first it was all okay, but when they gave me antipsychotics everything went to the hell - literally. At first they've stopped the delusions, then they've stopped my mind and my functionality. For the following 3 months(till April 26th) I was like a vegetable, like a zombie - I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep, I couldn't do anything. It was so bad that I just stayed all time in my bed, doing nothing, just rolling left and right because every single position was just horrible, nothing was comfortable. I also couldn't watch tv, read books, make phone calls, etc. I couldn't do anything that I was doing before and I'll tell you - before I LOVED MY LIFE, I loved EVERYTHING about it. Then when I've stopped taking them(cold turkey, because I literally didn't want to see them anymore), my life kind of got better: I started to go out for a walks, started to watch movies again, started cooking again, etc. but I've found some problems, which never existed before.

I was always funny, smart, creative, talking about everything you can imagine, had a lot of thoughts, knew a lot of words, etc. but after that shitty pills they gave me - everything just vanished out of me, my head or whatever.
Now I just can't make any funny jokes/actions anymore, I don't know nothing about anything that I used to know(and trust me, I really knew a LOT), I don't have any thoughts in my head anymore or if there is something I just can't hold it and think it throught as I used to, all I got in my head are just some „words" which don't mean anything, my thoughts are just like random words, I feel blank all the time and that's the reason I've come here because I kind of just google all the time these words: „blank mind no thoughts poor memory dont know what to talk" and there was a lot of references to this page and I just looked at some posts which described similar symptoms to my situation. I can't think, I can't read(because I hardly remember what I've just read and when there are long sentences I just don't understand the final meaning), I can't talk to people because I simply don't have anything on my mind(hardly even answer to something simple), I have zero concentration, poor memory, don't remember people's names(I knew almost every name of that popular actors now I don't know any name anymore), I can barely understand subtitles in movies, I have zero motivation, I don't know what I want or what I ever wanted in my life, I always feel very weird like I'm not here or that something is missing(can't describe it but it's feeling like if I'm in the movie where everyone has a script except me), and so on. And no I don't have any blurry vision or any visual changes.

Can this be antipsychotics caused DP/DR or am I simply brain damaged? It feels like it so I don't know anymore. I'm off antipsychotics for like 4 months now and if there is any improvement it's tiny like a drop in the ocean idk. Can anyone here help me? Is anyone suffering this too? Because it's a nightmare, it was hard for me to even put this post together(in the past (pre-APs) this would ve a piece of cake, like nothing). I try not to think about this but this „blank mind" always reminds me about it and so I go every night on the internet and search what could it be but yeah so far I've just found this DP/DR to which I could compare my situation to. Help please. ????
 

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Summarizing, you were 22 years old, living at home, smoking weed while getting smarter without any problems. It's hard to say what happened to you. Mental illness can just appear suddenly without

apparent reason, when you are in the vulnerable age group from 15-23.
 
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