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I've been thinking about what my next blog should be about, as this really is a sort of therapy for me, and antidepressants and medication are the most prevalent things happening in my life right now.

To medicate or not to medicate, that is the question. I was very anti-antidepressants for a solid 4 months before I decided to give them a go. Yeah I had a full bottle of Ativan for "just-in-casies" but I didn't want to rely on something that wasn't a long term treatment. So celexa it was. I started and stopped them 3 times before I actually made it past the first week, and as we all know it takes 4-6 weeks for the actual "benefits" to kick in.

So a couple of weeks ago I decided to stick with it. I know my experience isn't going to be typical for everyone, but what the actual hell. I felt terrible after 2 weeks. Nausea at night, headaches in the morning, feeling weak during the day, and after 2 weeks I was getting that tunnel vision feeling. I don't understand, the first week I was feeling great! Then the second week was completely the opposite.

Yesterday was my first day not taking the pill at all. I figure since it's only been 2 weeks, I shouldn't have any withdrawals. I've felt pretty okay today, still have the brain fog and tunnel vision type deal, but no nausea or headache, so it's a win. I also feel that I'll better be able to track my organic recovery, if you will, without the influence of drugs taken on a regular basis.

I still take Ativan when needed, but that's not terribly often. To be honest it's usually once a week, before I see my therapist. One on one conversation is a weak spot for me, especially when I have to hear myself talk.

Overall I'm still figuring out what works for me. I've found many things that help obviously since I've made it this far. I just wanted to share my experience in case you were considering medication. Some people can take them and not feel any side effects, others like myself aren't do lucky. So I'm not saying you shouldn't try it if you're thinking about, you might as well find out.

Hair Arm Eye Jaw Gesture

Apr 17 2015 04:35 PM

Great blog ManicMarj!

I've been on this site off and on for about 4 years and a constant which comes up, is people struggling with dp and recovery after taking antidepressants. Not to mention how people fare after quitting the medication.. often dp rears it's ugly head even more powerful than before.

Like you, I tried taking antidepressants and couldn't handle the effects at all so I stopped (much to the disgust of my psychiatrist and health care team). Well.. a couple of years down the track and completely medication free and feeling great, I can safely say I made the right choice.

Early on after dissociation really took a hold of my life (5 years ago) I realised it's the dissociation that's making me anxious and depressed, so it seemed like the logical thing to do was reduce the dissociation and hence the anxiety and the depression will subside with it. And that's exactly how it's worked for me - treating the dissociation primarily with help from good therapists.
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