[Guest]

Hi,

I have a friend who wants me to go to a place specialised in anxious issues in a hospital. It's a group composed of specialists, psychologists, psychistrists. She told my sroty to a psychologist and the psychologist said maybe I should have a second opinion, because it's been 18 months that I struggle. I am afraid that if I get one, the psychiatrist will conclude that I have schizo or psychosis and they will try an anti-psychotic for me, like Seroquel. I am utterly afraid of that. VERY afraid. Because of extrapyramidal side effects, and because I don't think it would make me more intelligent. I don't want to be brain-damaged and have involuntary tics. Even if it's very very rare, what if I am the "lucky number" and have tics for the rest of my life???

On the other side I would like to have second opinion, just to see.

On top of that I had a fight with my boyfriend, who tells me I am just fearful, and chicken, and just talk to the Internet. He said that it's not normalto have this life and if I don't go to work now I will never go again, and I will do like my mother (who never worked of her life) and my sister, who doesn't work for now because she had OCD (but she plans to work!!!) and he will let me down if I don't stick with a plan and take meds or not, but go to work too... and I feel MORE than troubled. I don't know what to do. I know he is right, but I can,t see myself working like that. I explained him that I just can't take the bus, and he said to take the bus 10 times if I want to, but he doesn't believe that a illness can go away without efforts. And my panick attacks are just to complain. He said that what I do is illogic about meds, and I don't do anything of my life. I know that. But I can't have no meds, it's a truth. I feel so stucked.

Please can you tell me something???

Cyn xxx

 

[Guest]

Anti-psychotics are not for you, and all you would have to do is tell a doctor that you have tried them and they make you much much worse.

It is a ridiculous idea for you to consider a hospital. The ONLY "good" reason I can see for even considering it is that it gives you a way out of the argument with your boyfriend: if you're in a hospital it makes him look terrible for pushing you and not realizing how ill you are.

You can keep your meds, no reason not to keep your meds. But...you need to find out some of the OTHER reasons why you are so reluctant to try to do more. I am not agreeing with your boyfriend. I agree with you 100 per cent that you have AWFUL symptoms that are crippling.

But...I also know you have other conlicts about working, being a mother, taking care of him in a 'wife' sort of way...you are stuck in a place of not wanting to grow up and move forward in life. You don't HAVE to take care of him at all, lol...it wouldn't appeal to me either to stay home and be a housewife, but you ARE a mother now and you have to work OR do housewife stuff. Have to do SOMEthing, ill or not.

I hear you wanting to go back to how things were before you had your baby and before you got ill. Cannot go backwards. The only option to not going FORWARDS is to stay frozen. And that's where you are right now.

It's a painful process, learning to grow up when we're also crippled with symptoms. However, it's the only choice. And again, I am very sympathic about how bad you can feel...I KNOW how hard it is to make yourself do ANYthing. And I also know it has to happen.

You can't expect to get well FIRST and then move forward. It happens WHILE you're recovering, not after.

Love,
J

 

[Guest]

Also, I am not saying "oh, just do something"

I know it is impossibly hard. But...you can get alot of help if you are willing to look at the fact that you are still mourning your "old life" to the extent that you don't WANT to move forward. And that's partly why I keep insisting that frequent therapy where you REALLY talk HONESTLY about all the thoughts and feelings....it would help you. It's not going to be as quick as you want, however. You want to feel good NOW.

Can't have it.

CAN,however, have a good chance to build something and slowly over time really have a good life.

But it's about Steps...one step at a time, and being as honest with yourself as you can be. And facing that what you are mourning is gone. The future can be GREAT...but it's not ever going to be the past.

 

[Guest]

Sweetie, all that I can say is that all of the progress I have made with my HPPD has been through an inward, spiritual journey. I have been on over 30 medications (several anti-psychotics) and not one medication has curbed my dp/dr. This is not to say that this will be your experience, I just wanted to share with you mine.................Good luck!!!!! :shock:

 

[Homeskooled]

Dear Cynthia,
There's nothing wrong with getting a second opinon. And eventhough everyone seems to think there is something wrong with going to the hospital, there isnt. I was in one quite a few times at the age of 18. And it was only for DP/DR. I wanted it treated aggressively, and you can get that at hospitals. They arent raving lunatic asylums- just regular hospital wards with sealed hallways. You are NOT going to get tics even if you are on every antipsychotic in the book. I tried every one of them, including Haldol. And I think that I am far from braindead. There is actually a new antipsychotic that people on here are having luck with, which is so mild that it is used for anxiety. Ablifiy is its name, and its not a bad idea to give it a try.
I agree with your boyfriend, and yet I disagree. You probably do spend too much time seeking answers online, rather than making decisions. But let him know that you are not stupid enough to get a job and then lose it in your weakened state. He sounds as if he doesnt understand, and unfortunately, this is how most people approach any chronic illness, whether its hormonal, MS, fibromyaligia, or DP. I dont think that you have any hidden conflicts- I actually think that the ones you have are pretty apparent to everyone. While couples therapy for you and your boyfriend would be a nice thing to try, I really think that you need to realize that your fear of medicines is working against your getting better. Relax. Take time to do something enjoyable- outside of the internet. And dont worry about what the meds will do to you, what your boyfriend thinks, or when you will get a job. Do what is right for you. Take care of yourself and your health, and everything else will fall into place like tumblers in a lock. I wish you much

Peace
Homeskooled

 

[Guest]

Just to clarify: I agree with Homeskooled...there is NOTHING wrong with needing to go to a hospital (my advice was only to Cynthia, whose particular story I know very well).

I also took anti-psychotics, and there is nothing wrong with them, either. (however, I stand by my opinion that Cynthia would freak out on them)

Anti-psychotics can help with all kinds of terrible paranoid thoughts...I needed that med at one point when I was much younger. Took Stellazine for a couple of years, then again for a bit much later. Nothing shameful or wrong with it.

As my friendly nemesis Homeskooled testified, his brain is highly functional today, even though he took Haldol for a bit. And my brain? Ah....well, no comment...grin

My point in all seriousness, both Homeskooled and I are good examples of people who DID take anti-psychotics and whose intellects did not suffer at all.

Peace,
Janine