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Ah guys,

Just too Paxil today and swear it was my idea. Went to the shopping center, did many many places, and again, tried to be calm. You know, inside. But I felt so confused.... in front of the automated teller machine, to have money, I suddently felt confused. I had trouble to think. I went out of the place, then the sun looked odd, and sadness and fear bring down in my heart. I tried to think of something's going on, of tonight, but I just felt less there, more in my thoughts, more confused and sad. Then I tried to figure out what causes that and how will I live with this for a long time. I said to myself : calm down, calm down, there is nothing terrible going to happen. But just to feel like that is terrible for me. The peak is when I meet people, especially boyfriend. Maybe I have high expectations about myself and would like to feel happy, but terror stays even in his arms. Only thing that help is .... sleep.

It's sure I thought to take anafranil instead, to try something new. It's sure. But all this time, I felt panick and teror inside, and feeling that my mind will never clear up. My mind races 100 miles an hour in searching for a solution. I can't control it, whil I live and try to do normal things. It's like a computer who is open at home, 24/7.

Janine, you know what I mean. Many people here know what I mean. It's VERY hard to know what helps and what doesn't help. After 2 bloody years, I didn't figure it out yet.

Cynthia :(
 

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Cynthia

I'm sorry for the way you feel - it all sounds depressingly familiar to me - all I can say is that with time your mind stops racing quite so much and the whole thing ceases to be as important as it was at the beginning - but even after many, many years of dp/dr I still feel frightened and confused and although I have superficially achieved a lot in life I feel as though I have had no life at all..

rob x
 
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