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227 Posts
So i had an anxiety ridden night tonight. I went to my parents house and watched the baseball game and I was sure I was seconds away from going crazy, just giving in to the feelings of fear and anxiety and dp...it was the utmost where the front of my brain feels like it's on fire or melting or something and i'm sure it's actually happening. A weird thing happened tonight...I was thinking about something to say to my parents, and then I forgot what it was, and instead of the usual feeling of "that's annoying", it was a huge surge of panic "oh my God, i'm going crazy and getting confused or losing my sanity." It was definately the winner of the worst sensation of the night, because it was really sheer terror, I felt like I could no longer think and that my mind was blank and I was losing it. I can't really explain the feeling, but it was horrid and it scared me and i'm still afraid of having it again. Forgetting what I wanted to say or do and then having the feeling that I can't remember anything or anyone. It was read hot in my brain and I felt paralzyed with fear. Hope this describes it to some extent and I know i'm going on about it to some degre, but it f*ing freaked me out. I also have been getting something with my eyes...sometimes when I look at something it is blurred for a second or two before it comes back...this could be astygmatism someone mentioned. I dunno. I've also been really tensed up and getting muscle spasms because of the anxiety. I spent the early part of the day convinced that I have spinal meningitis, because my neck was stiff or really just really tensed up, so all through church I was freaking out about that, seeing if I could move my neck. Finally found a website that explained stiff neck in meningitis, because it's not very specific on other sites...if you can't touch your chin to your chest, that's stiff neck...and I can do that so that helped, plus I didnt' have a splitting headache and high fever. Anyway, it's been a frustrating day all in all. I really think a lot of this is because of the Geodon, i really hate this drug...go to my psychiatrist in three days, so hopefully i'll get off of it then. I think more medication is not really the solution for my increased dp/dr and OCD and anxiety...thinking maybe even less or a change of hte main medicine, celexa. Who knows. We'll find out.
