[Ben]

Alright - this will probably be more of a question for the guys as opposed to the girls (well, maybe, I don't know really), but has anyone ever noticed their anger management or frustration level, sometimes, rather low? Perhaps it's just me and, maybe, it has nothing to do with the Depersonalization experience, but I've always noticed I get pissed-off too easily when things get physical, but I've always been able to maintain myself when there are words flying around. Here's a story....

Last night I was at a party and there was some dancing going on - and I was with a couple girls, one of which was more into me than the others. It was the usual grind dancing thing that is kind of indigenus to "getting some" afterwards and well...I wouldn't have said no. So, we were laying it on each other fairly thick and just having fun.

In either case, a guy that I had been talking to before mentioned (off handedly) that one of the girls at the party he liked, but didn't say which (and he told it to all of us very nonchalantly before the party) - and it turned out it was the same one. Now, usually I'm fairly sensitive to these kinds of things, but, I guess I misread it. It was one of those situations where he liked her and she saw him as the dork he was and, well, didn't reciprocate. So since she showed no interest in him, I guess I just goofed.

I'm absolutely, one hundred percent the kind of guy that if you take me off to the side and say, "Hey man, I'm kind of into her, would you mind if you backed off?" I would have said "Yeah man, sorry" and I would have just moved on. But, dip-sh*t in all his plethora of people skills throws a bottle cap at me as I walk by and says, "Don't do it".

*Zing* Everything turned white and I was pissed. I basically had to be restrained and leave with my brother to keep me from ripping off his freakin head. As I thought back on the evening I kept remembering him glaring at me, but in all the times I would sit down next to him, he wouldn't say anything. He would just sit there all night long with a beer in one hand watching everyone else dance.

I'm usually very passive and have the ability to shrug things off well - but when someone enters my space, then it's all over. Basically there would have been a fight last night if he wasnt a friend's cousin.

I wonder if "proximity" has anything to do with it, and my occasional preference for distance has something to do with it too - but, I don't like violence, usually it really bothers me. Last time it happened to me was when I saw a guy pushing a woman around out in public and he almost ended up in a couple garbage cans. It's just certain physical things that get me - someone can bad mouth all day long, but if someone gets physical....

 

[rainboteers]

When I extremely angry I start crying. It is so embarrassing because I am not sad I'm pissed, and I can't help but cry. It is only when someone really crosses the line and there are only a few things that can push me to that point. What I am trying to say is that we all have that line and it is perfectly normal to react when someone crosses it. I wish I could yell or scream maybe even fight, but no I just start crying.

 

[agentcooper]

When I extremely angry I start crying. It is so embarrassing because I am not sad I'm pissed, and I can't help but cry. It is only when someone really crosses the line and there are only a few things that can push me to that point. What I am trying to say is that we all have that line and it is perfectly normal to react when someone crosses it. I wish I could yell or scream maybe even fight, but no I just start crying.

ha, ha! that's what i do too. it sucks so bad because after the incident i can think of so many great things i should have said or done but i was just looking like an @ss.

hmmm...i guess this is why ben was asking the fellas, eh? we girls are no good at fighting.

 

[Martinelv]

I can't really comment on anger, because I'm angry most of the time. It's a natural state for me.

But I think what you are talking about, Ben, is rage. Pure, undiluted rage. It's a dark emotion for sure, one, unfortunately, familiar to me. It has it's uses of course, in dangerous situations, but is best kept under wraps till needed. And that's the real trick...I keep my rage under control by either sedating my self to extinction, keeping occupied, or contracting life threatening illnesses.

But seriously, I can't help you here, but I understand.

 

[Tinga]

Yes, the out of control fits of rage. definitely a tough part of this for me to deal with. I had always been such a nice, compassionate, patient person before...lol. really. Once my DR/panic thing really showed itself, I changed. And after the birth of my first child, forget about it. I flew into rages for no reason. Now I do better, but stuff that would have never bothered me before bothers me now...and when it does, let the world beware!lollol. For someone who used to be known as a pacifist and optomist, I am sure a little ball of angst and rage some days, lol. "SERENITY NOW!" (did anyone catch that episode of Seinfeld? lol

 

[Ben]

Tinga -

Serenity now, insanity later.

 

[person3]

it's really funny...i've never been comfortable with grind dancing. last club event i went to i danced w/a friend, not really touching him, and he ditched me off to go dance reeeaaal close to some girl. but i'm like "man, if i am not in love with you, this is too much!"

maybe i'm just a bit uptight or something.

 

[Ben]

Nope - not uptight, just you and that's cool. In fact, I rarely, rarely ever go out and do that kind of dancing. She wanted to and basically started the whole thing (she pushed up on me first, really). And - honestly, I'm not going to say no (especially given everything going on in my life).

I know how to swing dance and do that (and enjoy that) more; so that's really where any ability to dance comes from. Not that there's much of a connection between the two, but between that and me being a musician (and therefore being a lots of parties where that kind of dancing happens), I kind of just figured it out.

I say if a guy leaves you 'cause he wants to do that kind of dancing and you don't, then he's a dipshit and you should find someone better/cuter/nicer. That shouldn't be too hard...