Yeah, can you blame me? These past few weeks I have been in a state of what I think is hope, but maybe its denial. I read some of the posts on here- the ones that seem the most fatalistic, torturous, and unsurmountable. I think to myself, this wont be me, in a year or two I will be out of this. To see the world this way forever seems so absurd that I can't believe it's even happening RIGHT NOW. Let alone it happening the rest of my life. But I realize, maybe I am just being willfully ignorant for my own good. People do have this for decades, I am deluding myself to think that I am somehow "different" and will get out of this. I have been getting worse for almost three months. I think, I have to stop getting worse eventually. Am I one of those phenomenally rare cases where my disorder progresses until my soul is gone? I think that there is no way that is me, and I find some reassurance. But I forget that there is no telling that I will stop getting worse.
So, what Ive recently started doing is trying to get some vague census on how people live with this long term. And I've seem to find that there are more people who have been able to live, recover from, and stay hopeful in a state of DPDR than I have thought. This gives me hope. But I am battling with the thought that my case is worse than others, which I know on some level is bullshit, in fact I should feel greatful for what I have compared to others. But the thought still prevails, mine has gotten to severe to recover from.
This is longer than I expected. If you care to answer, I have one more question. Can you see any reason for why things have gotten worse for you in the past few years?