[Guest]

Hi,

I always have panic attacks (DR attacks) each day or so, always when I try to be with people, to immerse myself in crowd... and I come back and cry, because I feel so alone, so near to be crazy. I try so much not to cry, but I feel so stupid, and I know I can't work like this.... I feel like my mind is too far away

Am I the only one who is so sad and cry everyday? How do you do not to cry each day full of despair?

Please give me tricks on how to be strong.

C xxx

 

[kenc127]

Nope, I cry nearly every day. It is the only way I can cope these days.
If I don't cry, I will go insane. Hang in there Karine.

Ken

 

[Guest]

Cynthia, I cry too out of despair and the feeling of not having anything to hold onto inside of myself. For me personally thats something good, to connect with ME, but the crying out of despair is new to me.
Not sure if this is the same as you experience, since I dont have panic attacks and my DP is chronic. But the despair, yes, I know about that.
I just let it come and dont mind, so I dont have tips for you other than to let it happen.
Take care.

 

[Guest]

i cry when i actually can other than that i feel no emotion and its hard to feel. I just take things one day at a time constantly thinking about what i can do to make things better and things are looking good right now.

 

[Sunshine Spirit]

I've read that sufferers of depression either cry all the time, or that they rarely cry. The latter applies to me, yet the former applies to my mum. But when I used to suffer from full-blown panic attacks, I used to cry every day.

Cynthia, I believe that you shouldn't try to stop yourself from crying. It helps to have a good cry. I think it helps to relieve stress. Don't feel stupid either. Why are you trying so much not to cry? Do other people make you feel guilty or stupid? If they do, then I can promise you THEY would soon be crying if they were suffering the same as you! When I cried in front of my friends, I used to apologise for feeling sorry for myself. They always told me not to apologise, that I had a right to feel sorry for myself, because they believed my suffering.

 

[Sunshine Spirit]

P.S. Try not to feel totally alone. There are lots of people on this board who care about you and we all understand what you're going through.

Take care,

SS

 

[enigma]

I had uncontrollable crying spells when I was 17. (They'd just come from out of nowhere catching even me by total surprise).

These days I allow myself one cry a year. (Haven't spent this year's yet.)

How I keep from doing it everyday, I'm not real sure. I guess I deal with despair by daydreaming it away (perhaps not the best solution, but it has yet to fail me).

Maybe it's largely a matter of what you have your mind on. If you can let go of the thoughts that are troubling you for awhile and turn your mind towards something pleasurable, your mood will lighten.

Hope that's not overly simplistic,

e

 

[Guest]

i am one that cannot cry at all and wished with evey part of my soul that i could cry....congrats on being able to cry, it is better than not being able to.
-Robbie

 

[Guest]

Last time I cried was when a friend of mine accidently shot himself in the head & died.

Sometimes I wanna cry, but hold it back or can't. Like my friend just got sent to prison & than he has to go to rehab, so I won't be seeing him for a while, and i felt like i wanted to cry a little. I mean nothin major but I coulda let a tear shed. I guess i just try to stay strong I dunno

 

[coco33]

I cry all the time and feel like im so wimpish and weak. Its out of pure fear and isolation..........im glad im not the only one...if you know what i mean.

Take good care of yourself and when you feeling low dont be on your own.

 

[Guest]

Hey C,

Hang in there--just find some solace in that you can cry ... i haven't been able to for years and just wish that i could

Imagine wearing a smile with tears welled up in your eyes, well not even your physical eyes, but that spot where your eyes go during a terrible DP/DR attack.

--chris

 

[pfpc]

I cry on occasion when I get really desperate and depressed. It's the only way I can cope too. But don't tell anyone!

 

[Guest]

When I first got chronic dp/dr I cried every day for months.Then I took
rivotril,it helped me get back out there.
Now I cry on the bad days.
Just like Wendy sometimes crying helps,although I've always been a sook,I find occasional crying to be cleansing.
When you cry everyday,it just makes your eyes sore,swollen,puffy and vision extra blurred,it's more of a burden than a release.

One day Cynthia you won't cry and then it will be a week or more,you'll see.You will find your own way to be strong.

 

[shadowness]

the first 2 months i cried...

but now i just cannot dry...

i feel very depressed feeling so detached and unreal...

but i just cannot feel upset enough to cry...it is really odd...

i have not cried about anything for about 7 months....

i thik it is just because i feel so numb i cannot even get myself to feel as upset as i think i feel...if that makes sense...

 

[maria]

i feel so numb i cannot even get myself to feel as upset as i think i feel...if that makes sense...

Same thing for me. I've cried a lot in my life but for over a year I haven't shed a tear.

 

[Guest]

Here's my two cents on the crying topic.

There's crying and then there's crying. (aren't I eloquent?) Where it gets tricky is that we often think we are being SO authentic and so "real" when we let ourselves fall apart in heaps of sobs. We think "this is ME" and I can't pretend anymore, etc..as if we're tapping into something profound and genuine in our misery.

Caution.

That kind of "losing self" in misery is not necessarily genuine at all. It FEELS like it is, but it can also be serving as a defense. Letting ourselves fall apart every day, and wallowing in "WHY can't I GET BETTER?!" every single day is not helpful. A small child who cries because he's hungry or needs something that his tears are likely to actually GET for him, well, that's good sense. But the toddler who is told "no" and screams and sobs for half an hour in the middle of the floor is accomplishing nothing constructive. He's lamenting loud and clear and saying "I WILL NOT BE APPEASED! you won't FIX this, so I WILL STAY MISERABLE UNTIL YOU DO!"

See that one?

Try to notice if you're doing something similar - as if daily sobbing is a way of protesting against an evil universe...giving it a piece of your mind, etc. "IT" doesn't care. And the energy is much better spent assuming full responsibility for your own ability to LIMP even if you can't run, let alone walk.

There's nothing heroic about it. you're not doing it to impress anyone or to be "a strong person." You'd be doing it for yourself, because ultimately it makes YOUR life easier if you can work WITH your temporary limitations rather than shrieking protests against a world that really can't do anything to help you anyway.

That said, of COURSE there are times we all fall apart. Of course there are. And that's fine. That's human. We cry or we don't. We scream or we don't. We get upset because we're crying or we get upset because we CAN'T cry. Again, that's all defensive - it gives you something to DO instead of working hard to help yourself...to push yourself one tiny step forward....all the "poor me" thoughts in the universe will not help you.

And I KNOW you feel sorry for yourself. I did too! I know. But there is a point at which you have to assume responsibility for not LIVING in that misery, and realizing that the sadness will come over you sometimes, but not every single day.

Fight.
Fight your own misery tooth and nail.
It's NOT your friend, no matter how much you might feel otherwise.

 

[Martinelv]

Hmm, interesting.

I only ever seem to cry with rage. I hardly ever cry at sad songs, or the pityless state I often get myself in, perhaps that's because I'm a bloke. I've been in situations when I've had reason to be in floods of tears, but they never come. Most of the time I only cry when I'm furious, the cause of which is usually irrelevant.

 

[g-funk]

Even when I broke down unconsollably in a gite in France, prostrated (right word?) over a road map of Europe, begging my boyfriend to drive me home before my head exploded in a bloody mess all over said map...

...I felt a bit like I was forcing it. A kind of act, a desperate attempt to break through, to have a total meltdown, to release the emotion that I was carrying in my head, to connect to my body, to feel pain. To feel me.

Didn't work.

Crying actually comes more easily for me when watching Titanic than attending a funeral. Proper crying comes right from the heart, being totally in tune with your emotions and knowing exactly how you feel. I felt this when my cat got run over -love for animals is simple and pure and easy to feel. I cried for about 24 hours.

How does my cat always get a mention? What would Freud say about that? Am I some weirdo?

 

[Guest]

thanks for all your posts!!!

Janine, maybe it's a defense.... I never thought on that one too. For me, it's easy... either I cry because it's too much fear, or I become so petrified I can't move. I am terrified, or I cry, or I am terrified AND I cry after. Or I become angry, yell at people, and ouf, that's the worse dp/dr I can get.

It's so hard to become stronger to be well one day. It's very hard for me not to cry, or just BE there, with my little family at night, and not thinking (I feel so worse, I feel disgusting, I don't feel myself at all, how can I live like that anymore, what's the point, etc.) Usually, these days, I go to bed early, don't talk much because each time I talk to my boyfriend (or family) I feel horrible), and try not to be involved with people because I feel too bad. I know it's not the route. But when I try to be normal, I feel so bad, tired, sad, afraid.... it's like trying to be someone else and be happy in that. Or being crazy and feeling OK with that. My normal defenses say : hey, you don't feel yourself, each time you move it's like you enter a new dimension, you feel sad, it's NOT normal, how can I help myself?

For me, acting and talking normally is like trying to support a big foundation... my arms hurt, I can't stand it anymore, I am gonna fall, etc. So I fall, and cry. (figure)

Thanks for the post.

C xxx

 

[DM]

I never cry.

I have not cried in 13 years.

I do not laugh.

Laughing gives me a headache.

I function.