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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hello, fellow Dpers!

Today I've been having a bad day. Depression has got a firm grip on me, yet again. I'm trying to tell myself that this negative thinking will pass, but there's one thought which is absolutely terrifying me... pregnancy!

I keep asking myself if I'm asking for trouble, by trying to get pregnant? Am I risking a return of Dp/Dr?

I've always wanted to have children. I've finally found my Mr Right, Lance, and we have a lovely home, good friends, etc.. Because Dp/Dr is a rare thing for me these days, we decided to try for a child before I'm too old to concieve (I'm 37). We've been trying for five months, and I've a feeling (or maybe I'm just dreading) that I might be pregnant now. When I'm not suffering from depression, anxiety or Dp, I know I can cope with anything life throws at me, but I fall apart when my state of mind becomes negative.

We've asked my GP and Psychiatrist dozens of questions. They told us to go for it. We've already bought EVERYTHING a child would need for the first two years. I hoped that this would help to keep my depression at bay, but it's obviously not working...

Has anyone got any advice or tips to help me cope when I'm in this state of mind? :cry:

I have no children, and am not a doctor (so far, I'm the perfect person to offer you advice, right?, lol)

Here's my opinion though: go for it. If you truly want a child, do it. If you are not sure, or think you SHOULD have one, or would be having one for your partner,etc. then clearly it could spell trouble.

While we are in the middle of mental symptoms, doing ANYthing that major that we really do not want to do - or have not thought through, etc...that is going to be highly risky. The mind will "get you" later, for not dealing with the ambivalence before making the decision.

But you sound like you really want a child.

Decorate the nursery and go to bed early, grin.

Wishing you a procreative good time.


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Okay,this is obviously a chick thread (so what am I doing here? No idea, but since I am here...),but everything I've read up to now about childbirth related DP has involved Cesarean sections.

So I'm only guessing, but if there's no medical necessity for it, perhaps you could lessen the chances of a DP relapse by avoiding this procedure?

But I couldn't possibly say for sure because I'm totally ignorant.


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136 Posts
Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Thank you for your advice and opinions, Dreamcatcher, Janine and Enigma.

When I'm not depressed, just the thought and hope of being able to have a child brings me lots of joy, let alone the REALITY of sharing our lives with such a precious miracle!

My psychiatrist answered many of my questions regarding pregnancy. EG: What percentage chance is there of our child inheriting depression?; Might my depression get worse through pregnancy?; What drugs can't I/can I take for migraines or other problems?; Would our child ever be taken away from us, should I be suffering from severe depression; etc., etc.... These questions were all answered optomistically, so they don't worry me or hold us back anymore. What IS worrying me is that I didn't ask if there was a chance the Dp/Dr might come back permanently.

It'll be good to try and hope that the joy and focus of a child may completely get rid of my Dp days.

We want a child for all the right reasons. It's a bonus that my step-sons, our friends and family would also be delighted. However, no matter how much I'd love a baby and how much we've thought/planned for one, I still can't seem to cope with the thought of motherhood when I'm depressed.

I'm not at all worried about the birth. This may seem difficult to believe, as I know most pregnant women are afraid of the pain/complications with birth more than anything else. I've been told that the pain is similar to the pain of gall stones. Well, I had gall stones and a badly infected gall bladder, which were removed last year. It was agony, but I managed to cope. I'm not so confident of coping with mental agony.

It's after the birth which worries me most. I know how demanding babies can be. Despite all the help we've been offered from friends and family, I don't want to feel like a failure. I want to be the one who's there, when our child needs attention; I don't want to miss out on anything he/she does, all because I'm hiding in bed; and most important of all, I want to be able to feel and show incredible love for him/her. I'm so afraid that I'll become hopeless again.

We've already decorated the nursery! It helps to be super-organised. We've even bought two years worth of clothes for a boy AND for a girl. We plan to donate what we don't need to charity.

If I do become pregnant, I know I'll be ecstatic. It's when depression hits me, I'll feel dread instead. I hate feeling so mixed up like this...

Many thanks,


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136 Posts
Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Also, I keep asking myself, "Am I being selfish?" My sister sent me a text, saying, "Don't get pregnant. Social Services are busy enough!" Even though she's prone to being nasty due to alcoholism, her words have stuck.

Hi,Lesley Anne.
I think all women should go into motherhood with their eyes wide open.
At the same time,as they say nothing can really prepare you.

The joys and rewards will far outway the stress(yes there will be a few sleepless nights etc).
It's a big decision but it sounds like you are both ready.
Nobody can say for certain how things will turn out.
There is no reason why you shouldn't have a lovely pregnancy and totally enjoy being a mother.
It sounds like you have a good support team.
Your concerns are understandable and faced by many women
who have experienced depression/anxiety and even dp.

It might just be all better than you hoped for.
Wishing you the best of luck.
Cheers Shelly
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