[Kelson12]

Look....I'm just sick of this period. I'm sick of trying to understand what causes me to feel like this. Just plain sick of this. I'm sick of it running my life. Sick of determining what came first the chicken or the egg. Is DP from Depression? Is Depression from DP? Why don't I feel connected to my voice? Why do I care if I feel connected or not? Why don't I even feel like getting out of bed?
Fuck this shit. This shit is fucking making a mockery out of my life. And NO I CAN'T JUST NOT THINK ABOUT IT. NO I CAN'T JUST THINK OUTWARD. When my life has been like this for so long and my depression is so f'n bad I can't just not think about it. If I think outward, I'm still depressed. I can't drink alcohol, cause I'm not supposed to. I have no desire for sex, cause the depression is so bad and Zoloft has sexual side effects. I'm tired of pushing through work. Tired of worrying about having a girl friend and my future. Tired of putting on a mask and hiding it from people. I don't give 2 cents about anything.
I've been to therapists, tried medication, still waiting for Zoloft to come into effect after getting back on it. I go to this website. It doesn't do anything for me. I've lost interest in just about everything. Ok, actually EVERYTHING in my life. I don't want to listen to music anymore. ALL I DO IS THINK ABOUT HOW I FEEL AND IF I EVER WILL HAVE A LIFE WHERE I FEEL GOOD. I don't want to live like this. If I can't feel better soon, I may just be done. No lie. It's just like that.

Kelson

 

[Kelson12]

Oh and no I don't have any crazy, exitensial (spelling?) thoughts. I know I didn't create the world. I know who I am. I don't think about any crazy shit. Never, ever have. I just feel out of it. Detached. Nothing looks funny, I just don't feel "there". Nothing looks 2-D, nothing looks cardboard like. I don't have cotton wool in my brian. I JUST DON'T FEEL ATTACHED. I don't have panic attacks. Never have. I don't sweat, I don't have a racing heart, etc...etc....It can't be this hard to solve and figure out. It just can't.

Kelson

 

[Kelson12]

Oh, one last thing. I've had NO...must I repeat...NO trauma in my past. None at all! I am not hiding from anything. I've drank alcohol and tried weed 4-5 times. That's it. I can't trace this shit back to anything.
Yes, I am an overanalytical person, who thinks about what people think about me, etc. And I am always thinking. But nothing would be so bad if I didn't feel like this all the damn time.

 

[Guest]

Hi Kelson,

Don't worry, it will go away. You seem very depressed and anxious, even if you have no panic attacks.

How your dp started then?

C xxx

 

[Guest]

It seem like an obsessive thought (you think about dp even if you feel you don't think about it). Maybe?

It's my 2 cents.

C xxx

 

[kenc127]

Oh and no I don't have any crazy, exitensial (spelling?) thoughts. I know I didn't create the world. I know who I am. I don't think about any crazy sh*t. Never, ever have. I just feel out of it. Detached. Nothing looks funny, I just don't feel "there". Nothing looks 2-D, nothing looks cardboard like. I don't have cotton wool in my brian. I JUST DON'T FEEL ATTACHED. I don't have panic attacks. Never have. I don't sweat, I don't have a racing heart, etc...etc....It can't be this hard to solve and figure out.

And be thankful you don't have any of the above. It can ALWAYS get worse.

Ken

 

[terri*]

Hi Kelson,

I have totally been where you are. In fact I have been there several times over as I am sure others have. It is the absolute worse place you can be. It is when you are thinking of surrendering to this damn disorder. I won't go on with all the things you have heard before. I do know I have read many post when you have not been this low. All I can say is I hope this extremely low point passes for you soon.

So very sorry times are so bad at the moment.
terri*

 

[jc]

let it out man...thats all i can muster up at this late time of night

 

[Kelson12]

Oh and no I don't have any crazy, exitensial (spelling?) thoughts. I know I didn't create the world. I know who I am. I don't think about any crazy sh*t. Never, ever have. I just feel out of it. Detached. Nothing looks funny, I just don't feel "there". Nothing looks 2-D, nothing looks cardboard like. I don't have cotton wool in my brian. I JUST DON'T FEEL ATTACHED. I don't have panic attacks. Never have. I don't sweat, I don't have a racing heart, etc...etc....It can't be this hard to solve and figure out.

And be thankful you don't have any of the above. It can ALWAYS get worse.

Ken

Thanks. That makes me feel better.....not.

 

[Guest]

man seriously i think you should stop visiting this site so much, i dont think its healthy. I know exactly what you feel right now your stressin out over this shit disorder and why u cant feel like yourself no matter how hard your try. Trying and thinking about the past and how you felt before isn't gonna solve anything all you can do is go with the flow and hope for the best. Just do anything that works for you man, i just stopped thinkin about it, accepted and moved on. Over the period of 9 months i felt alot better. Looks like your suffering from severe depression from this shit and your more sensitive to it or it annoys more than the rest of us. I would just like to recommend you a supplement to take, Its called DMAE it works great dude, gives you energy and keeps ur mind clear and helps you stop thinkin about negative crap. Ive been on Zoloft as well it helped a bit with suppressing anxious thoughts but thats about it. Anyways please try this stuff out, good luck

 

[kenc127]

You're right Kelson, my remark was a bit apathetic. I didn't mean to discount the difficulty your symptoms cause, its just that you're lucky in a way that it isn't worse. In many ways you are at an advantage compared to others on the board. I just thought I might be able to help you see that. My apologies.

Ken

 

[sebastian]

Kelson,

What can i say? You've heard it all before. I know that you know that i know how you feel. A lot of us do. Things are tough right now. But you simply must believe that they will get better. They will, you know. They really will. I've felt horrible for so long and i've found myself in so many dead ends that it's a miracle i'm still here. I still feel horrible...but there are things are starting to change now. I can feel it.

My advice to you (assuming you've been to a doctor and are physically sound), is that you should quit all your meds and take a few weeks to recuperate. They'll be a tough few weeks, but a lot of your feeling will probably come back...even if it's bad. I hated being on meds because it doused my emotions all the more. And that was the worst thing for me. But if you at least clear yourself from that hurdle, you can find your way back on your own. And you WILL find your way back kelson. I know this because i've been right where you are, found my way back, got lost again, and am now finding my way back yet again.

This too shall pass, my friend...

s.

 

[Kelson12]

Sebatian,

I was off of meds from August-January. It did nothing for me. Was DPed greatly from Oct-present. I don't like meds either, but my best time and the time I was feeling fairly good was from April-August last year and that is when I was on Zoloft, so I wanted to try it again.

Just had some hope it would work. And still hope it will kick in and do something. But I do feel pretty numb right now. But I felt pretty numb in December when on wasn't on any meds. Makes no sense.

Kelson

 

[Homeskooled]

Dear Kelson,
I hear you. Even supposedly "easy" illnesses to treat arent easy at all...I remember the time when I said "I wish I had a physical illness instead of DP- then they would at least know how to treat it!". Ha! Yeah right! Most of medicine, not just psychiatry, is sit back and wait, trial and error. Nothing is 100 percent certain to help in physical medicine, either. It does just sound like your depressed. I know we talked, and it sounds like you have a good lifestyle, so I dont think I have any tips there. I can tell you of two medicines which dont have sexual side effects, though. As far as SSRI's go, Lexapro is really strong, and a friend of mine on it says its really, really raised his libido. Or you can try to add Wellbutrin, which has no side effects, and might compensate for the Zoloft. Sorry that I cant think of anything else! Just give what your going through time. It seems that everybody has to wait nowadays in medicine.

Peace
Homeskooled

 

[Guest]

Yes it makes sense,

I can say that without meds I'd feel hopeless and scared, terrified and numb. And with meds, I feel hopeless and numb and not myself, but the difference is that one (for me) : instead of crying all day, I cry a bit then calm down. Instead of panicking if I go crazy all day and yelling at people, I panic a bit then calm down. There is a little more calm, a little little tiny change. I have minutes or hours that I feel calm. That is my difference.

Better this than nothing, hun?

Don't give up,

C xxx