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Always lonely regardless of people

1045 Views 9 Replies 3 Participants Last post by  gem
Anyone else get this? Like, you always feel alone despite being surrounded by people. It happens to me constantly regardless of who im with (family, friends, girlfriends, etc). I just cant seem to shake the feeling and it leads me down this reclusive looking path of drug use and video games because anything is better than always being aware that you're gonna

a.) Die


b.) Never gonna relate to anyone.

Its seriously limiting me.. and pushing my expectations of life right into the sewer. All this morose stupidty has me always looking to humanity to undersand what makes them so happy, and i observe them.. and want to be one of them, but regardless of how many friends i make its always so fucking god damned fake, like a human sniffing a dogs ass. Its just out of place for me. I'm honestly considering just buying a van and moving back to cali to live on the beach just so as to be happy enough to drown out my own misery with an ocean large enough to drown any beast. The funny thing is that im sure a good number of people would kill for my life and i can't even appreciate it. Irony eh?

i dunno.

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This is just a thought. I have always said no matter where one goes to find happiness it is not in where they end up. Happiness come from within, you can travel the world and live many places, do many things, see many different kinds of people but the true happiness is tucked away inside of you. It is in your heart, it has never left you, sometimes though it feels like it has disappeared but if you look inside of you it was there all along. Happiness can also mean many things, it can mean different things to different people. To me sometimes happiness means that I had one hour in my day where I felt not to bad, that is happiness. I can give a gift to someone and that makes me feel happiness, it is there sometimes it just get displaced and sometimes we look for happiness in a big way but in reality it is the little things in life that sometimes brings a smile and warms a heart.

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