[Guest]

Anyone else get this? Like, you always feel alone despite being surrounded by people. It happens to me constantly regardless of who im with (family, friends, girlfriends, etc). I just cant seem to shake the feeling and it leads me down this reclusive looking path of drug use and video games because anything is better than always being aware that you're gonna

a.) Die

and

b.) Never gonna relate to anyone.

Its seriously limiting me.. and pushing my expectations of life right into the sewer. All this morose stupidty has me always looking to humanity to undersand what makes them so happy, and i observe them.. and want to be one of them, but regardless of how many friends i make its always so fucking god damned fake, like a human sniffing a dogs ass. Its just out of place for me. I'm honestly considering just buying a van and moving back to cali to live on the beach just so as to be happy enough to drown out my own misery with an ocean large enough to drown any beast. The funny thing is that im sure a good number of people would kill for my life and i can't even appreciate it. Irony eh?

i dunno.

edfgreen
"yup."

 

[Guest]

do what you like, if you want to travel to cali you should do it, have something good to look forward to, seriously it does limit ones happiness and plans for the future, if you let it take control of you, looks like DP is winning you right now but eventually it should even out and be a fair match(talking about your oldself worses your dpself) thats when you have the oppurtunity to win it. Inch by Inch crawl your way out of the hole, but your not going to win it, with no action. Its going to take alot and 1 thing that works is traveling to a new place and doing new things, anything to take your mind off of it. Some people just cant do it, because of the anxiety that comes with it, so if you feel you can then theres an oppurtunity.

 

[Guest]

Yeah.. haha.. anxiety about it.. haha.. kinda hit it on the nose. I dunno.. i just dont wanna fudge up what i got right now just because my brain disagrees with my life. I've worked very hard to become as capable as I am in my feild of work.. and i've been provided an opportunity to display my talents in the corporate world for like what.. 1.5years so far i think. Well.. i dont wanna move to cali and just give up on this dream that i dont really even love just so i can be happy. I just feel like it'd be a total loss + a disappointment to my freinds/family if i we're to do what i really want. I need to do it anyway though because if i dont i fear that i will become so tethered to this misery that it will be inescapable.

Im happy when im in/near the ocean.

A cure perhaps?

eDfGr33n
"i dunno.. "

 

[CECIL]

Yes I know exactly what you mean - no matter who you are with or what you are doing you still can't shake the feeling of being alone. Its really bad when you are doing something that's supposed to be fun and you suddenly realise you are analysing every second of it - "Am I having fun? Do I want to be here? Why can't I feel connected like all these people can?" and so on.

 

[Guest]

yes and you look at other smiling and loving there lives and you say to yourself how could they be so happy there must be somthing wrong with me because i have never been that happy, everyone is so talkative and everyone is smiling while i have my head down on my desk dreaming of being like them one day, analyzing my thoughts, my past, and whats to come next for me, I understand now how they could be happy, simply because they just are, they arent obsessive thinkers that think and analyze every moment of their lives from day to day. All it takes is a steady mind and a set of goals

 

[Guest]

But what if knowing what they are brings you a sense of disgust so powerful that you wish not to be them, but still envy them regardless. Its like some stupid catch 22 i tell ya.

eDfGr33n

 

[Homeskooled]

I dont think that these feelings are exclusive to being DPed. Sure, DP amplifies it to an unbearable level. But I think that finding where you fit in, feeling alone in this big world, not having any ultimate security, no guarantee that things will work out or that you'll be happy, I think that these are fears that everyone has - and rightly so. I live with five other guys, none of which have DP. They're all going through college, and struggling with loneliness, finding an identity, a job, depression, relationships....and I dont envy them, really. I think you have to have a pretty strong personality to be DPed, in the end. I think I do. Sure, I wasnt sure I existed for a while, or that the world did, or my roommates, but I always knew what I wanted. I can at least say the I've never been mediocre. I've always had a lot of clarity - actually, DP and its existential thinking was almost like too much clarity, like existence under a microscope. But I dont envy the other college students I know, at least where I am now. They've never really been challenged by something as earthshattering as DP, and because of that, they kind of lack any deep insight into the smaller challenges they get faced with. Simple problems seem insurmountable to them, and get them down alot easier. I get told by them all the time that I'm happy-go-lucky. Well, I'm not, I just dont sweat the small stuff anymore, and like the bumper sticker says, its all small stuff.

I think that DP changes the course of our lives either for good or ill. But it has a profound impact on its course no matter what. Just fight it....however you can. Meds, change of scenery, therapy, relaxing. As long as you dont let it box you in, I think that it can profoundly strengthen you when you emerge on the other side of the battle. Just keep telling yourself that its temporary, and it will be. I'm a big film buff, and I was watching a documentary on the making of the Abyss by James Cameron. He's a gutsy, crazy filmmaker. Well, he had the entire film shot in a huge nuclear silo filled with water. Every single actor, including Ed Harris, had to spend 10 hours a day underwater filming this, dealing with inadequate oxygen, hypothermia, and the bends from decompression at the end of the day. Ed Harris said that he was on a film a couple of years later, and one of the actors was whining about the conditions of the shoot on a cushy backlot in Hollywood. And he said, "F*ck you, I did the Abyss" and walked away. Nothing phased him anymore - everyday challenges seemed insignificant. Sometimes when I hear someone complaining about how something cant be done, I feel like saying "F*ck you - I did DP".
Peace
Homeskooled

 

[Guest]

good post homeskoold thats basically how i feel, i feel that the DP makes a much stronger person mentally, because of the shit you have to go through daily, and in comparison to DP most problems are minor. I have seen a total personality change in me over the course of the year i had DP. Some parts i like other parts i wish to destroy. It definitly makes a person more insighful. I think of it as a journey towards enlightenment if you play your cards right.

 

[Guest]

Someones in an optimistic mood.

eDfGr33n
"yup."

 

[gem]

This is just a thought. I have always said no matter where one goes to find happiness it is not in where they end up. Happiness come from within, you can travel the world and live many places, do many things, see many different kinds of people but the true happiness is tucked away inside of you. It is in your heart, it has never left you, sometimes though it feels like it has disappeared but if you look inside of you it was there all along. Happiness can also mean many things, it can mean different things to different people. To me sometimes happiness means that I had one hour in my day where I felt not to bad, that is happiness. I can give a gift to someone and that makes me feel happiness, it is there sometimes it just get displaced and sometimes we look for happiness in a big way but in reality it is the little things in life that sometimes brings a smile and warms a heart.

gem.