[SillyPutty]

This is along the same lines as my WHY? post. You guys may even remeber this story. A women who killed all her children and herself and they said she believed she was "acting out a scene from a TV show".
Sometimes I think my imagination is so powerful it scares me to read or watch things that are fictional because I'm afraid I can actually get so into it that I may become delusional, can anyone relate?

Comments, Suggestions?

 

[Guest]

My only suggestion is to NOT read those stories. I'm serious.

We dp/obsessive types can imagine EASILY how it would feel to kill someone, or to throw ourselves out a window. We terrify ourselves that we lose control at a moment's notice and do something horrible.

Or we believe we are not in control of our body (as if we're possessed) and something ELSE is going to make us do something horrible.

We can sit and torture ourselves that any second now ...it will happen...any second now, we will abandon the last shred of sanity we have left, and do....(fill in the blank with something horrific)

THAT is the symtpom - the obsession and the terror of not being in control of one's own brain and actions.

The only way to stop those fears is to force your attention AWAY from those ideas.

Instead, what you will be TEMPTED to do is to start looking up all kinds of horrible crimes on the internet and try to figure out the whys/and hows of the people's minds who committed them. You will try to PICTURE yourself doing something awful in an effort to NOT do it, but all you will do is scare youself witless.

STOP the obsession while it is growing. You cannot THINK your way into feeling safe. Distract yourself NOW. I can feel an obsession brewing in you big time!!!

Peace,
Janine

 

[person3]

just another part of the fear of losing control or doing something that you don't have total control over or doing something weird in front of others. i'm not trying to belittle the awful feeling of it, but that is the essence of what it boils down to.

maybe try asking yourself: why do I fear THIS? Why do I fear that i am delusional, instead of fearing something like cancer instead?

I think I had those fears because I cared a little too MUCH what people thought, I had to appear an exact way around people and not do anything stupid or to let on that I wasn't being honest with them (because I was also very adept at lying and half truths and manipulating to get what i wanted...hehe stilll am but to a lesser degree i hope!)...i was basically trying to be this mask or disguise, 24-7, and i had to watch myself constantly to make sure i didn't say anything to blow my "cover"...for people to see the REAL motivations i had behind hanging around them, etc. I'm not saying that's your case...basically what i mean is, for example, there was a guy i was obsessed with (and in reality, he wasn't even someone I truly CARED for...it was this fantasy I created, and he was only the human subject...on a tangent here, but i find it fascinating that I had such a rich fantasy life that for five years I obsessed over this guy because i thought he was the same thing as the guy in my mind. when i first went emotionally numb, he was the first person i lost "feelings" for...yet I really never had them for him!), and i would make friends iwth his girlfriend and fear the whole time i would blow my cover..that she would find out why we were REALLY friends...so i became more and more fake and manipulative...etc.

and my fear of being delusional was a fear of losing control and blowing my cover, or doing something that I wasn't monitoring, and in doing such my real motives would be "discovered"...

basically I wasn't being honest with myself.

maybe you're afraid of things you're hiding from yourself? could be possible...i mean, if you are afraid that you have this psycho delusional side, maybe it could simply be that there are parts of you that you aren't really familiar with...parts of you that aren't really THAT threatening, but because they're unknown and because you may be terrified of the unknown you think "oh, if I don't watch out i could turn into something terrible!"

i don't know if any of the above applies to you, just kind of hyper and a.d.d. and rambling right now...maybe avoiding my OWN feelings, i bet i am

 

[SillyPutty]

"I can feel an obsession brewing in you big time!!! "

THAT SCARES WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT?

 

[SillyPutty]

Mellissa, I had to read that twice, but it totally makes sense, something to consider, thanks.

 

[Guest]

I"m so sorry! I was just teasing you because you'd posted two different threads about this topic (of people who committed some horrific crime) so I suspected you were going to start obsessing about it and scare yourself into thinking you could do something similar.

Sorry!