[Bored]

Hello everyone. I'm new to these forums and have been intrigued by what I have read so far. I feel sympathy for you all and as odd as it may sound envy. While we all seem to be struggling, you seem to have an answer to your problems. Unfortunately I am not as lucky.

To start, I have not formally been diagnosed with DP/DR. For god knows how many years now I have had a cross of Agoraphobia/Anthropophobia. I don't want to go into the specifics of what caused it, but it is becoming an increasing burden. With that in mind, I recently have had very serious issues with what I now believe to be dissociation. In particular DR with bouts of DP on very bad days.

It's gotten to the point where I begin to dread going to work each day. I have absolutely no problems with anyone I work with and consider them all to be very kind and polite people. But I simply cannot be near them without my head spinning out a million thoughts all at once. Some of these feel random like bursts of my subconscious noticing small things around me and shouting "HEY ACKNOWLEDGE ME!" Others are simple things like noticing someone's over weight and then all I can think about is "Oh shoot don't accidently call them fat!" Then I realize I was drifting and I start to panic even more.

If it's a really bad day, I wake up and feel as high as you could possibly be. And me being a late riser that means I usually have to go to work the next hour. Walking into work knowing your entirely sober but feeling incredibly high is a very frightening feeling. Then compounding that with racing thoughts, constant what-the-heck moments where your just dumb-founded in awe over the simplest thing, and all the while trying not to look or sound like a loon is the killer.

I can't take it anymore. I'm tired of hiding this. I want help, but to walk into a doctors office is the same challenge as work except worse because I don't remotely know this individual and they are going to judge me up and down as they see fit. In the end I don't want to be a guinea pig. I just want things to be normal.

I know I need help but I feel I am in an impossible situation. I understand the simple answer is get up and go see the doctor but I'm terrified.

Also incase anyone thinks my symptoms may be something else I will jot down a few here:

• Headaches, I get constant headaches. Occasionally they are gone for a day, but almost at least once a day I get headaches. Somedays they can be so bad it actually helps me think. The feeling is compared to being so hungover, your brain just can't even process the anxiety or anything and you just feel dull and calm. Those are good days.
• Constant head chatter. Questions/colors/numbers/any random thing my brain can obsess about. (I kind have started noticing I do this as a defense mechanism, but I do not know why. I just know it's in-line with the anxiety.)
• Rereading constantly what I just wrote or read.
• Somedays I feel absolutely wired. I would describe it as feeling hyper-alert compared to my norm, but I feel I am using that description for lack of a better word.
• Insomnia/Hypersomnia
• I have these feelings in my stomach that feel like a million butterflies. (This usually leads to insomnia)
• The feelings of being high and disoriented, but not to the point I lose track of where I am in the world.
• I have had some moments where I detach from reality mentally, but not in a where am I way. Just moments where I am no longer present. It's like I'm sitting next to my body on the bench hanging out, but never full out of body. I actually find these moments extremely calming. I get this warm fuzzy feeling in my chest and nothing can hurt me here.

There's more. Feel free to ask any and all questions and I will do my best to answer. And thank you all so much.

 

[Trith]

That sounds like a lot. But I wouldn't worry about going to a doctor or therapist about that, even if I can really understand that you do.
Although what you say does sound very difficult and debilitating, I believe it is very common too. So doctors and therapists surely know about it, at least agoraphobia, and it must be some of the things they make their money with. As far as I am concerned, you can legitimately go there, and perhaps you can talk to them about that fear of being judged by them that prevents (prevented) you from going there. Really if they judge you for that they are complete d*cks, as far as I am concerned. Such people do exist but they don't matter, and there are plenty of others who will understand and be willing to work for you. However it goes, if you go to see a doctor, would it help if you came back here to talk about your experience? I would be very happy to hear it. I am quite sure it would be ok, but if it wasn't I would support you as most probably other people here.

 

[Essy2711]

Hello everyone. I'm new to these forums and have been intrigued by what I have read so far. I feel sympathy for you all and as odd as it may sound envy. While we all seem to be struggling, you seem to have an answer to your problems. Unfortunately I am not as lucky.

To start, I have not formally been diagnosed with DP/DR. For god knows how many years now I have had a cross of Agoraphobia/Anthropophobia. I don't want to go into the specifics of what caused it, but it is becoming an increasing burden. With that in mind, I recently have had very serious issues with what I now believe to be dissociation. In particular DR with bouts of DP on very bad days.

It's gotten to the point where I begin to dread going to work each day. I have absolutely no problems with anyone I work with and consider them all to be very kind and polite people. But I simply cannot be near them without my head spinning out a million thoughts all at once. Some of these feel random like bursts of my subconscious noticing small things around me and shouting "HEY ACKNOWLEDGE ME!" Others are simple things like noticing someone's over weight and then all I can think about is "Oh shoot don't accidently call them fat!" Then I realize I was drifting and I start to panic even more.

If it's a really bad day, I wake up and feel as high as you could possibly be. And me being a late riser that means I usually have to go to work the next hour. Walking into work knowing your entirely sober but feeling incredibly high is a very frightening feeling. Then compounding that with racing thoughts, constant what-the-heck moments where your just dumb-founded in awe over the simplest thing, and all the while trying not to look or sound like a loon is the killer.

I can't take it anymore. I'm tired of hiding this. I want help, but to walk into a doctors office is the same challenge as work except worse because I don't remotely know this individual and they are going to judge me up and down as they see fit. In the end I don't want to be a guinea pig. I just want things to be normal.

I know I need help but I feel I am in an impossible situation. I understand the simple answer is get up and go see the doctor but I'm terrified.

Also incase anyone thinks my symptoms may be something else I will jot down a few here:

• Headaches, I get constant headaches. Occasionally they are gone for a day, but almost at least once a day I get headaches. Somedays they can be so bad it actually helps me think. The feeling is compared to being so hungover, your brain just can't even process the anxiety or anything and you just feel dull and calm. Those are good days.
• Constant head chatter. Questions/colors/numbers/any random thing my brain can obsess about. (I kind have started noticing I do this as a defense mechanism, but I do not know why. I just know it's in-line with the anxiety.)
• Rereading constantly what I just wrote or read.
• Somedays I feel absolutely wired. I would describe it as feeling hyper-alert compared to my norm, but I feel I am using that description for lack of a better word.
• Insomnia/Hypersomnia
• I have these feelings in my stomach that feel like a million butterflies. (This usually leads to insomnia)
• The feelings of being high and disoriented, but not to the point I lose track of where I am in the world.
• I have had some moments where I detach from reality mentally, but not in a where am I way. Just moments where I am no longer present. It's like I'm sitting next to my body on the bench hanging out, but never full out of body. I actually find these moments extremely calming. I get this warm fuzzy feeling in my chest and nothing can hurt me here.

There's more. Feel free to ask any and all questions and I will do my best to answer. And thank you all so much.

Hello,

That is really a lot..but believe me I get it. I sometimes are having racing thoughts everyday for many weeks,,,and then suddenly they dissapear....
And I noticed that it has to do also with my anxiety and hormones every month.
Hyper-alert also, numbers, counting....Sometimes I am talking out loud ...my bancaccount number, or this is my thumb, my pinky etc....so so strange....But maybe that is my defense mechanism..
Try to stay calm ..your body needs to be calm...and knowing that everything is save. You are safe, your inner child is safe.
Take care.

 

[TammyG]

Oh, I understand you a lot but...these symptoms are treatable with therapy and medication. Seeking help from a mental health professional can provide you with the support and guidance you need to overcome these challenges. It may be helpful to talk to your primary care physician about your symptoms and ask for a referral to a mental health professional.