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Afraid, what should I do?

633 Views 2 Replies 2 Participants Last post by  maria
Next week I have planned to go and see my parents for the Easter Holidays.

Problem is, I have to take the train! The thought of going to the central station (uhhh) and riding on that train gives birth to a series of little horrors.

To sum it up:
1) I'm afraid to be too late for the train
2) I'm afraid of being at the station (lots of people, noise)
3) I'm afraid that the train will crash with another train, or become derailed
4) I'm afraid that someone will steal my money and/or ticket
5) I'm afraid that the toilet will be out of order
6) I'm afraid of being afraid!
7) And the list goes on...

Now, I really want to visit my parents, but, as you see, I'm afraid of all the things that might happen and I get the feeling "I just want to stay at home..."

The pattern is well known to me:

1) Make appointment
2) Start to feel afraid about everything that can go wrong about the appointment
3) Make it worse
4) ...and worse...
5) Cancel appointment!

The above pattern is really succesfull at building anxiety! It's silly, but I don't know how to avoid it!
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Jbdk - think about it this way. Do you have a choice ? Really, think about it. You can either tell your obsessions and anxiety to go screw themselves and get your ass on the train, and hopefully have a great time at your parents - and thus another step on the ladder upwards to regaining your life, or you can let the obsessions win again and go home feeling guilty, miserable, and one more step down on the ladder. It's not a matter of willpower, it's a matter of whether you are prepared to continually let your illness prevent you from being happy. It's a simple question with a simple answer. Yes or no ?

OK - if you force yourself onto the train, you may be wracked with panic and obsessions, but if you go home - you'll still be wracked with panic and obsessions, plus a healthy slice of guilt, a sense of failure..etc, etc. You have to start somewhere..
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