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Afraid it might get worse

871 Views 0 Replies 1 Participant Last post by  Mooshie moo
Hi, I’m new to all of this online community stuff. I’m 19 years old and I haven’t been diagnosed with anything yet. I really wish that someone could help me figure out what’s wrong with me. It’s okay if no one reads this. I’m mainly doing this for myself to at least get some stuff off my chest.
Most days, I worry that everything around me is not real. Especially people. This hellish feeling started with dreams. I would have dreams within dreams and each time I was completely aware that I was dreaming. Every single night. For the most part, these dreams were actually really graphic nightmares. But I didn’t know how to get out and I would just wake up in another dream. Each time, it would get more and more detailed as if it didn’t want me to know I was dreaming. When I finally did “wake up”, it just wasn’t the same. Nothing felt real anymore and everything terrified me. These dreams happened every night for months. Eventually they mostly stopped, but the damage had been done. I can’t look at people or my surroundings for too long because I’m afraid that I’ll see something I’m not supposed to. Or if anyone says anything somewhat strange, I have panic attacks because I can’t tell if they’re acting strange because I’m dreaming or because they’re just trying to be funny. It’s really sad. I refuse to make new friends. I only talk to people I’ve known since before the dreams. Just to be safe. Nowadays, everything is blurry. Everything just feels fuzzy and not right. I can’t even remember how I got home last night from work. I just remember being really tired and then losing control of my actions and everything around me being too bright and somewhat sideways. How did I even get home? How did I drive like that? It’s terrifying to think about how stupid I was to drive around like that, but I honestly do not remember leaving. I really don’t know. Sometimes I have good days and I feel pretty normal. Those days make me think that this is all worth it. That it will get better with time. But I’m so afraid that it will get bad again. Its so difficult to tell the difference between reality and dreams. I really can’t go through that again. I refuse. I really can’t. I just wish I knew how to deal with this.
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