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hi everyone. I just need some words of encouragement. This site has been super helpful to me. But at some points in the day; when I am just going through the motions, running errands, and being productive, I get scared. I stop feeling like myself. I was on the phone with someone who is close to me today, and after talking and talking and talking to her, I stepped back and realized that I had just said a bunch of things that were absolutely accurate and true, but didn't feel like me saying it. I'll have good days over all, but at certain points my tunnel vision worsens, I get this camera-like view, and I stop feeling connected to where I am. But also too connected. I don't know how to explain it. I don't feel present, but I also feel too present. And overstimulated. I spent the last 2 days with my mom mostly, and some with both my dad and her. And I will look at their faces, and worry so so much that soon I will disconnect from them as well. I know who they are, I know the are my amazing parents, but with if I lose it? And depersonalize and dissociate SO much that they start to look like strangers? Like I said, I am imrpoving in the sense of daily life tasks. But inside, I get these moments where I get scared. I get this feeling like something is wrong. I start worrying about my life. I guess I just need to hear that I will be okay. That I am not alone. That someone can relate. I feel like I am doing 'well' in life considering the fact that I quit my job and couldn't function normally because of both my dissociation and my depersonalization. But with my medication combination, I can now be productive and run errands and go out in public and be in places with a lot of people. I just get these moments of fear.. Does anyone relate?

Best wishes to everyone


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b7wagon
Apr 19 2017 11:25 PM

Honestly this feels like i wrote it, it couldn't be much closer to how i feel on a daily basis. When i feel like i'm doing okay, sometimes i even feel hopeful, i always start to overthink everything and just get this feeling of dread. Today i was working at this ladies house, i was having a fairly long conversation with her, but after it i thought to myself "that didn't feel like i was talking to her" I say words but its not like i am saying them, i am more just hearing them being said. I feel like i am faking conversations. i avoid talking to anybody for that reason, it just causes me too much anxiety. I have an appointment with a therapist next week and i'm pretty sure its just going to make me more worried.


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TWOOLY
May 11 2017 09:38 AM

This website has actually made me feel slightly better knowing I'm not alone. I feel completely insane, like I'm slowly deteriorating inside. I could cry just thinking about it. I feel like I am talking in my head but when I physically talk it feels weird. I hate it.


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Mannyj715
Jan 01 2018 07:26 PM

this is me to a T. I find myself avoiding conversations because it just doesn't feel like it's me talking or my thoughts. Scares the crap out of me.
 
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