My first blog entry to ever be written, as the name suggests I'm afflicted by the dp in my dreams to the same level as my woken self, I've been reasonably unwell for coming up to 5 years, my dp started with some rather extreme vertigo and related events that I left unchecked for quite some time, I still remember the day that I felt my perception snap, like there had been a complete and permanent loss of self and my conceptualization of being human had been replaced with melding into the environment.
All of my emotions have been replaced by nothing but anxiety and extreme confusion, and very frequently intrusive thoughts about buildings and rather expansive places, but they are twisted in all sorts of odd and impossible dimensions, as the title suggests sleep is no sanctuary, I dream about the exact same things I feel and see in my thoughts and day to day life and even the most mundane and general thought feels like some great hidden secret that I have to uncover lest I lose my mind, I also suffer from these horrible panic attacks that tend to occur the very moment I fall asleep, for around 10 seconds I feel like my mind is being extracted through my skull with some crude device while I attempt to go from sleeping to being awake, and my heart races and head throbs for about 25 minutes.
Not sure what I'm creating a blog entry for, desperation is a curious thing. My cognitive retention of information makes 0 difference to my feelings of extreme sanity loss.
TLDR: Extreme loss of self even in dreams, odd intrusive thoughts obsessing over large architecture and expansive places, explosive anxiety in sleep, mind gone.
Ah all sorts of things man, sorry for the slow response I actually just had a short stay in the psyche ward, I feel like I gained some much needed insight to an extent. In the past though, a mix of medication and very regular CBT has helped me.
I can very much relate to this. At first I would have dreams like I would when healthy but would wake up back into my DP state. All I wanted to do was sleep because it was my refuge. Then maybe a year in my dreams felt the same as the waking world and I just knew the DP was making a home for itself in my head.
I had a remission of sorts for two years when I met a girl but when she dumped me outta the blue I became horribly sad, (which would be normal for anyone). But the second weekend apart on a Friday I went to sleep sad but anxious. In my dream she left me again and when I awoke I was shaking from anxiety uncontrollably. My body was vibrating and I felt the 'change' come over me. Its been two years since then.
Although this site is all about self help, but honestly, you cannot help yourself. The world doesn't feel like it exists anymore only because you out of tune with the creator of this world. When you were born you had no control of yourself or your thoughts or how you react to things: because you were in the hands of the creator. He is our Heavenly Father and He always wants us to be happy. But I am sure you do not feel happy right now. Perhaps you are always suffering panic attacks, depression and you do not have peace and Joy within you. Do not go for self help, neither can the doctors help you at this point, because truth is they don't really know what you are going through, since chances are that they haven't gone through it before. But guess what I have been through it, and I realized it was because I was out of tune with the creator. It felt like I was going to run mad. I was always afraid, I preferred to stay at home alone, and anytime I went out, it was like a voice was always in my head. I couldn't live a normal life anymore. I was so afraid sometimes I would think that soon I might start contemplating suicide. But as time went by, I came to know by the spirit of God, and also through my Bishop that there are sins that need confessing, and without going through the confession process, man will not receive forgiveness. I had committed some terrible sins and I had prayed for forgiveness, and thought that was all. But when I confessed my sins, and took the path to forgiveness, I realized that through the atoning sacrifice of Jesus Christ, we can be cleansed from all our sins, and we can receive miraculous healing. Please don't ignore this. Go to your Father in Heaven, and talk to him. He will guide you. You may not have all answers to all your questions, but you will surely find peace. Read the scriptures, believe in God the eternal Father, Believe in His son Jesus Christ, and believe in the Holy Ghost who bears record of the Father and the Son, and He will surely set you free. All the binds of the devil will be loose and you will be free. I pray that Heavenly Father who loves you so much will guide you and deliver you. I know with all my heart that God lives, and it is only through His only Begotten son Jesus Christ who died and atoned for our sins that we can be saved. For we have been promised eternal life, and we have been promised salvation, and we have been promised peace, joy and happiness in this life and hereafter only if we believe in the Father and in His only begotten son Jesus Christ. I testify of all this things knowing them to be true in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen
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