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Addictions and Anxiety -

776 Views 3 Replies 4 Participants Last post by  richiecripps
I just want to get a feel if anyone suffers from addictions with their DP/DR? As I grow older, I really feel as though there is a connection between addiction and anxiety, as well as a heredity factor (which it can be argued that anxiety is genetic, too).

I suffer from addictions, but it has thus far not impacted major areas of my life. I have a successful job, nice house, and a successful relationship. But, I know the addiction beast (my father was a huge alcoholic and is now in jail for a drunk driving related accident) and it can ruin anything at any given moment.

Some of what I struggle with are:

1. Gambling - not at casinos, but the damn scratch tickets from the state lottery. I got better for a while, but now I am diving back in.
2. Red Wine - I like having red wine every night - sometimes 3/4 of a bottle.
3. Sexual material - I enjoy pornography. I don't view it every day, but if I don't view some for a couple days, it creeps back in my mind as something I want to view. I know that's personal, but if I can't air my dirty laundry here, where can I?

My girlfriend enjoyes red wine with me, and she doesn't mind porn (she actually wants to watch it sometime). I love her, not the women onscreen, so I always wonder why I enjoy watching it so much. I hate saying "it's a guy thing" because that's a cop-out.
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I have never understood the various theories about addcition, but I know for me that my dp/dr/anxiety/fatigue and listlessness needs stimulation and diversion, and some behaviours seem to accomplish this. When my head is weak and I am feeling symptomatic I have almsot a compulsive need to daydream, to take a break from my zombieness. I find it hard to stay in my skin, to be in the present when I am dr'rd or anxious. I want to escape. Gambling provides lots of adrenalin. Beer is the only med that had worked for me and I have wound up dependent on it. Gambling plus beer is all too powerful. Porn is disgusting to me, but I fall prey to mental sexual fantasy which gives me a lift (ha ha). What I am saying is that these behaviours that can be addictive seem to provide some jolt for helping me feel alive when I feel dead. too bad they can be pathological. I am not sure if I would have used these diversions or masks if i had not become dr'dr etc.
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