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im going to repeat a post i just made in a different forum but its more to have you understand whats going on with me before i get into anything else.

im doing really bad with derealization/depersonalization which has caused me to become severely depressed/anxious. i have had dpdr twice in the past (for over a year the first time and a month the second time) and paxil has changed my mood dramatically both times which i think helped get me out of dpdr. unfortunately it did nothing for me this time around. i had gotten off of it once when of trying to get pregnant but dpdr and depression came back so we put having a baby on hold and got back on paxil and within 2 weeks i felt so much better and by a month the dpdr was gone. When i fell pregnant i got off of it again because i new it wasnt the safest drug to be on while pregnant. i went on a small dosage of zoloft in the mean time while pregnant and everything was fine up until week 18 i started getting anxious about stuff then started having ocd about my breathing for three weeks constantly ( felt like i had to focus on my breathing so then i would end up over breathing ) it was driving me crazy. So i upped the zoloft and within a few days dpdr came back and so did my depression. i made the choice to get back on paxil because i new it would give me my life back like it has done in the past twice before but after 5 weeks on a pretty big dose i was feeling NOTHING, which made me more depressed and scared. im not sure if it is because i am pregnant or because the more you go off and on a med the less effective it becomes ( i did not know this at the time of coming off it it each time or i never would have gone off ). i have tried other meds in the past and they have not worked and im scared the only medication that made me feel like me no longer works. with a baby coming in 12 weeks or less i dont have alot of time to figure it out. iv already been struggling for 2 months to figure something out with no avail. i have now been on prozac for 3 weeks with basically no improvement in my mood or motivation. im horrified that the paxil isnt working and that iv tried all of my options to save me and make me me again. if i can not get my depression, motivation, love for life, ocd and anxiety under control ill never get out of dpdr and i wont ever be happy again.

now onto the point of this post. iv been prescribed adderall (off brand) before but it never did anything for me when i was "normal" and i was prescribed it to me again the past time i got dpdr back in march 2017 and i tried it for a day or two but it did nothing. i had it around the house so i decided to take it today to see if it would do anything and it has done something for my mood, im not sure what but something is a tiny bit different. not a huge change but i dont feel so hopeless and a little more energy maybe idk or even maybe more calm which doesnt make sense because i kind of feel like my hearts pounding. it didnt change my dpdr at all so im not sure exactly why i might feel a little better on it. will it keep improving if i keep taking it everyday? did it do nothing for me last time because the paxil was working and i didnt need it? i have seen people on here that recovered from this which never really made sense to me, i know it raises dopamine so maybe thats why its helping a tiny bit? i dont know. i just want something thats ok to take daily that will make me better every single day until im back to my old self, like what the paxil did for me before. like id rather not take it and take a ssri or something but it if will eventually some how fix me id obviously keep taking it. not a fan of feeling like im on cocaine on it though.

list of symptoms:

cant connect with my surroundings or people ( i just feel like im in a bubble or something ) like i have drunk and drugged vision, concentration and focus is off, head feels full, eyes feel heavy and tired even though body isnt, lack of emotion (might be from depression though). those are the main dpdr problems im having not including the depression, anxiety and obsessive thinking. i am not sure if i have more dp or dr ( i always thought it was more dr but idk )

i need to be saved because i cant take much more of this suffering. i changed everything about my self for the better when i got out of it the first time and made a life for myself just to keep getting it, i dont understand. i have so much to give to the world ( in a normal state ) but im just a waste of space like this. you would think having it before i would deal with it better but im waaay worse each time its happened. i was able to at least live the first time i had it and i had it for over a year that time. the last time i had it was alot harder for me, i didnt understand i was sad and scared but lucky paxil fixed my mood and i improved fast. this time with no medication working and having a baby coming im falling into the deepest hole ever. im never been so scared, hopeless, scared, angry, sad, unmotivated, unhappy and so on in my entire life. for the first time i feel like i might not make it out it i dont find a medication that works like paxil has for me. i know i keep talking about medication for a cure but its because i know i need it, i always have even before dpdr. i need it to fix my emotions and mood before i can work on the dpdr. also just looked up whats in or what adderall works on and it says norepinephrine which looks like if to high is what causes the fight or flight, isnt that what caused dpdr? i saw good things until i saw that and now im nervous, i dont want to make it worse. i need to get better.

hopefully i can get some motivation, ideas and help from people here and quick

thanks
 
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