Depersonalization Support Forum banner
1 - 8 of 8 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
258 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I dont know how the fuck this happens, but I'm miserable and feeling suicidal again today. Possibly due to lack of sleep, possibly due to beating up on myself. Whatever the case, I dont know and I dont care to analyse anymore. All I do know is that I cant fucking think, I cant fucking remember anything, and I cant fucking function. There is nothing that I find joy in anymore. I cant work, and cant study. I cant even find enjoyment in going out with my friends. The contemplation of performing any task no matter how rudimentary scares the living hell out of me. Eight years ago I put myself in a room, away from people, away from challenges. Eight fucking years of festering and self hatred for what I'd lost and what I'd now become, and now I'm expecting to just pick things up and move out into life? Its no wonder I'm having so many difficulties. Im just too far gone. Giving up is by far the easiest option. My only relief comes with sleep, being as close to death as any healthy living person can be.

Im sorry if thats just brought a few of you down. Apologies for whinging, I just needed a place to vent. I'll get passed it as I always do. Its just a bit of a raw example of how badly this disorder can run you down :(
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
258 Posts
Discussion Starter · #2 ·
I dont know how the fuck this happens, but I'm miserable and feeling suicidal again today. Possibly due to lack of sleep, possibly due to beating up on myself. Whatever the case, I dont know and I dont care to analyse anymore. All I do know is that I cant fucking think, I cant fucking remember anything, and I cant fucking function. There is nothing that I find joy in anymore. I cant work, and cant study. I cant even find enjoyment in going out with my friends. The contemplation of performing any task no matter how rudimentary scares the living hell out of me. Eight years ago I put myself in a room, away from people, away from challenges. Eight fucking years of festering and self hatred for what I'd lost and what I'd now become, and now I'm expecting to just pick things up and move out into life? Its no wonder I'm having so many difficulties. Im just too far gone. Giving up is by far the easiest option. My only relief comes with sleep, being as close to death as any healthy living person can be.

Im sorry if thats just brought a few of you down. Apologies for whinging, I just needed a place to vent. I'll get passed it as I always do. Its just a bit of a raw example of how badly this disorder can run you down :(
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,722 Posts
Hey...

here's to venting. what better place than here?

it's a hell of a damn disorder. :(

terri
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,722 Posts
Hey...

here's to venting. what better place than here?

it's a hell of a damn disorder. :(

terri
 
G

·
((((hug)))),

I remember feeling just like you describe here. I'm not sure what keeps us going sometimes. I think, as I look back, that having a brand new baby forced me to "come back" and try to function. Plus, I felt I should be there for my other 2 kids, but, really, I KNEW they could take care of themselve....but a BABY!

I remember, oh, so well, making myself leave the safe quarters of my bedroom and try to make myself some scrambled eggs. It was extreamly hard and I WASN'T hungry, but I did it. It was the only thing I accomplished that day but at least it was a start. Slowly I pulled myself out of the pit of hell.

Sorry today is so hard for you.

Carla
 
G

·
((((hug)))),

I remember feeling just like you describe here. I'm not sure what keeps us going sometimes. I think, as I look back, that having a brand new baby forced me to "come back" and try to function. Plus, I felt I should be there for my other 2 kids, but, really, I KNEW they could take care of themselve....but a BABY!

I remember, oh, so well, making myself leave the safe quarters of my bedroom and try to make myself some scrambled eggs. It was extreamly hard and I WASN'T hungry, but I did it. It was the only thing I accomplished that day but at least it was a start. Slowly I pulled myself out of the pit of hell.

Sorry today is so hard for you.

Carla
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
130 Posts
hi nemesis

I often feel as you described - like I just can't take another fucking minute of this pretence because I'm basically emotionally dead already and the world looks like a desert and has no depth or meaning but then I too have to be there for my kids whose growing up I would not have missed for anything - dp or no dp - and anyway they need me and I'm never going to walk out on them in any sense come what may

but if I was not a dad I might have slung my hook the whole way by now I don't know

I look forward to being asleep but I often feel pretty good in the mornings

rob
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
130 Posts
hi nemesis

I often feel as you described - like I just can't take another fucking minute of this pretence because I'm basically emotionally dead already and the world looks like a desert and has no depth or meaning but then I too have to be there for my kids whose growing up I would not have missed for anything - dp or no dp - and anyway they need me and I'm never going to walk out on them in any sense come what may

but if I was not a dad I might have slung my hook the whole way by now I don't know

I look forward to being asleep but I often feel pretty good in the mornings

rob
 
1 - 8 of 8 Posts
Top