G
Guest
·What the hell is wrong with me? I have to complete my psychology work (don't mention the irony) by tomorrow, or I'll be thrown off the course. The assignment itself was suppose to be handed in well over two weeks ago, but I just cannot find the motivation inside me to do complete any of it. I'm beginning to think I have some stype of schizophrenia; I cannot think at all of anything work related, and it's beginning to freak me out. I'll load up the work in Word to modify it and I'll just stare doughfully at it for ten minutes, by which point I am consumed by such a foul panic that I feel light headed and as though I'm going to pass out.
Ugh. I never used to be like this. The coursework isn't at all hard, I know that if I was at least half-motivated I would be able to complete it at the drop of the hat. I don't know whether it's the depression kicking in or what, cause I was a straight A and B student before this shit. Something's got to give or I'm going to drop out of school.
My parents accuse me of being a hypochondriac and refuse to pay for me to see a counsellor. Every day seems like a harder struggle to regain reality. It's almost as though I loathe being conscious. I miss the way I was, I really, really do. I don't know how much more of this I can take, but I know that certain emotional obligation prevents me from ending myself, which means that there is no way out for me. Nothing. Only a lifetime of misery and failure. I know it sounds cliche, but sometimes I find myself seriously considering if I've somehow died and gone to Hell.
Has anyone else experienced this? Is it an actual symptom of DP, bipolar, or major depression? I can't even work out the simplest of problems any more. I can't see any future ahead of me whatsoever. I would really, really hate to be schizophrenic, but all the evidence and my family history seems to point towards it.
Can somebody offer some advice, anything. It would comfort me a great deal in this paticular moment in time. Have any other drug-induced DP/HPPD'ers undergone anything like this? I'm more worried than I've ever been. I've been afflicted with this horrible disorder for over five months now and things are getting progressively worse.
Ugh. I never used to be like this. The coursework isn't at all hard, I know that if I was at least half-motivated I would be able to complete it at the drop of the hat. I don't know whether it's the depression kicking in or what, cause I was a straight A and B student before this shit. Something's got to give or I'm going to drop out of school.
My parents accuse me of being a hypochondriac and refuse to pay for me to see a counsellor. Every day seems like a harder struggle to regain reality. It's almost as though I loathe being conscious. I miss the way I was, I really, really do. I don't know how much more of this I can take, but I know that certain emotional obligation prevents me from ending myself, which means that there is no way out for me. Nothing. Only a lifetime of misery and failure. I know it sounds cliche, but sometimes I find myself seriously considering if I've somehow died and gone to Hell.
Has anyone else experienced this? Is it an actual symptom of DP, bipolar, or major depression? I can't even work out the simplest of problems any more. I can't see any future ahead of me whatsoever. I would really, really hate to be schizophrenic, but all the evidence and my family history seems to point towards it.
Can somebody offer some advice, anything. It would comfort me a great deal in this paticular moment in time. Have any other drug-induced DP/HPPD'ers undergone anything like this? I'm more worried than I've ever been. I've been afflicted with this horrible disorder for over five months now and things are getting progressively worse.
