[Sharon22]

It's been one year, one year since this hell hit me out of nowhere, after suffering horrendous panic attacks, it was only a matter of time before it hit me. I've cried, had suicidal thoughts, I've weaved in and out of psychosis (I was convinced robots where in my back garden looking for me) I've been to the pits of hell and back and constant head pressure and headaches, feeling stoned/high and tunnel vision. I never knew such despair could happen to one person. I never ever thought I could be this strong, but here I am smiling despite being in hell. In some ways it's been a blessing, it's made me realise I need to stop doubting how strong I am and how I need get my anxiety and panic attacks under control. I admit I could of handled it alot better but I was so freaked out when depersonalization first hit me, I was convinced I had been drugged (that stoned feeling) and what does not help is I have ptsd through a drug related experience many years ago so the on set of depersonalization triggered my ptsd so as you can imagine I have truly been to hell and back. I'm still in dp but I am back on Zoloft, it makes my dp way worst but it is a god send for anxiety and that's what I need face, the dp is just the symptom of the root causation!!! Given a choice I would rather have dp than the anxiety. I am still in deep depersonalization, I have no attachments to my memories, I have no fucking idea who on earth I am, everyone looks strange and I am sooooo alienated from them, I have the worst existential thoughts ever & I watch my body do things I.e. typing or writing and it honestly feels like I am watching someone elses hands doing it, it's like I am not even controlling my body at all, it is so autopilot and automatic. New symptom is feeling drunk 24/7 but I'm not even assed anymore, can do what it likes, I'm use to it now. I have hope I will get better, sometimes some kid of attachment comes back and then it's gone again so I guess that is some kind of good sign that my mind is doing something.

So there is it, I always wished this would be gone within the first few weeks but here I am one bastard year later. Wow!

Maybe soon I will be able to right my recovery story,I would give anything

Sorry for language but as you all know, depersonalization is life consuming and is mentally destroying and scary.

Thanks for reading.

Sharon

Xxx

 

[nocturnalman]

When you feel that you are about to have a panic attack ,breathe in for 4 seconds ,then hold your breath for 4 seconds ,and then breathe out for 8 seconds.This will make your body feel that it is not in danger.
Believe me it will work ,special forces use this method under stress.

 

[Sharon22]

Thanks so much. I do finding breathing right helps me alot. It's the intrusive thoughts, they're crazy. I try not to attach fear to them as I know that's what's causing it but I find it soooo hard.