Joined
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72 Posts
I've been heavily depersonalized for over 7 months now, and it has been hell. I never anticipated it would come back, but it did. And I never realized how terrible, how abjectly terrifying, it truly is.
This time has been worse in several ways. The first time was 5 years ago, and I could take the year off from college and be home, being taken care of by my mother. Now, I'm 25 and had just moved out on my own--into a new state and 500 miles from home--when it hit me. The feeling of unfamiliaity with everything (especially myself) was compounded by the true "newness" of my environment. But I still had to function, and I don't know how I got through the past 7 months.
I'm on the road to recovery; each day is a tiny bit better, and I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. For months, I've felt my sense of self, family, recognition of objects, slowly (agonizingly slowly) return. I could never explain it to anyone. I can't even explain it to myself; it doesn't even make sense to me. I intellectually recognize(d) everything around and "know" nothing has changed. But I couldn't help but feel like I was screaming internally: "This just can't be reality, it just can't be!" It all felt, and feels, so damn foreign--another reality.
I just wanted to take some time out and say thank you to everyone on this forum, and to say that you all seem like the bravest people I've ever met. Our experiences differ markedly, but we all feel eachother's pain. You alone understand the nightmare that is DP, the all-consuming beast that is DP.
You alone know--from the top of your head down to your toes--what I mean when I say: DP is the psychosis that isn't.
This time has been worse in several ways. The first time was 5 years ago, and I could take the year off from college and be home, being taken care of by my mother. Now, I'm 25 and had just moved out on my own--into a new state and 500 miles from home--when it hit me. The feeling of unfamiliaity with everything (especially myself) was compounded by the true "newness" of my environment. But I still had to function, and I don't know how I got through the past 7 months.
I'm on the road to recovery; each day is a tiny bit better, and I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. For months, I've felt my sense of self, family, recognition of objects, slowly (agonizingly slowly) return. I could never explain it to anyone. I can't even explain it to myself; it doesn't even make sense to me. I intellectually recognize(d) everything around and "know" nothing has changed. But I couldn't help but feel like I was screaming internally: "This just can't be reality, it just can't be!" It all felt, and feels, so damn foreign--another reality.
I just wanted to take some time out and say thank you to everyone on this forum, and to say that you all seem like the bravest people I've ever met. Our experiences differ markedly, but we all feel eachother's pain. You alone understand the nightmare that is DP, the all-consuming beast that is DP.
You alone know--from the top of your head down to your toes--what I mean when I say: DP is the psychosis that isn't.
I hope things keep getting better for you, its so hard not to give in - I'm going through a similar relapse - well done on keeping strong and sticking it out! 
