Depersonalization Support Forum banner

1 - 4 of 4 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
21 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Think i may be onto something here. (Broken english ahead)

I've been lurking these boards for a couple of years now (used to post as Serenity) and read Janinens post with great interest.

Basically i've been constantly DRed 24/7 for the last 16 years. Nonstop. Not even a second of relief. Even with AD and Antipsychotica (they're great agents for anxiety alright, but the DR is still there, full force, just not as scary).

My head have always been full of these existential thoughts thats freaking me out. Some of them i just have to surpress. They're just too scary. My mind is like this crazy existential Jack-in-the-box that's threatening to burst open at any time lol.

One existensial problem in particular is abut the process of thinking. What do I do when i think? I mean, what do I do? What am I doing to produce these thoughts? Yes, i put words together in sentences, but where do the words come from? As i keep observing it it's like the words just come to me. Not my thoughts. Not my product. (Ofcourse when i let my therpist know of this little existencial nugget he just gave me that "He is clearly schizophrenic, lets put him on three hectogram Risperdal" look, lol.

Well, its not as these thoughts are someone elses. They're just not a product of mine.

Well, here the other day i had my first shift in DR for as long as i can remember.

What suddely struck me is that I am these thoughts. Of course i've always known that. But this struck me more in the sense of a feeling instead of just the knowledge. Like i suddenly touched a mechanism of DR.

I am not some kind of entity that can stand beside my own brain and observe the thinking. As i'm sure Janine have posted before, my thoughts cannot observe themself. And suddeny, it was all so logical. Instead of observing the world around me, im observing myself observing the world around me. I just didn't know it could produce DR.
It's like im standing in the crossroad of feelings and sensations and take notes of every car that pass by (OK, that's a terrible analogy, but you get the idea, lol)

The second this knowledge/feeling struck me, i felt the first shift in DR for 16 years. Ofcourse my DR didn't instantly disapear, but i clearly feel i've taken a step in the right direction.

More optimistic than ever,
Smog (Finding a good nick is just impossible).
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
21 Posts
Discussion Starter · #2 ·
Think i may be onto something here. (Broken english ahead)

I've been lurking these boards for a couple of years now (used to post as Serenity) and read Janinens post with great interest.

Basically i've been constantly DRed 24/7 for the last 16 years. Nonstop. Not even a second of relief. Even with AD and Antipsychotica (they're great agents for anxiety alright, but the DR is still there, full force, just not as scary).

My head have always been full of these existential thoughts thats freaking me out. Some of them i just have to surpress. They're just too scary. My mind is like this crazy existential Jack-in-the-box that's threatening to burst open at any time lol.

One existensial problem in particular is abut the process of thinking. What do I do when i think? I mean, what do I do? What am I doing to produce these thoughts? Yes, i put words together in sentences, but where do the words come from? As i keep observing it it's like the words just come to me. Not my thoughts. Not my product. (Ofcourse when i let my therpist know of this little existencial nugget he just gave me that "He is clearly schizophrenic, lets put him on three hectogram Risperdal" look, lol.

Well, its not as these thoughts are someone elses. They're just not a product of mine.

Well, here the other day i had my first shift in DR for as long as i can remember.

What suddely struck me is that I am these thoughts. Of course i've always known that. But this struck me more in the sense of a feeling instead of just the knowledge. Like i suddenly touched a mechanism of DR.

I am not some kind of entity that can stand beside my own brain and observe the thinking. As i'm sure Janine have posted before, my thoughts cannot observe themself. And suddeny, it was all so logical. Instead of observing the world around me, im observing myself observing the world around me. I just didn't know it could produce DR.
It's like im standing in the crossroad of feelings and sensations and take notes of every car that pass by (OK, that's a terrible analogy, but you get the idea, lol)

The second this knowledge/feeling struck me, i felt the first shift in DR for 16 years. Ofcourse my DR didn't instantly disapear, but i clearly feel i've taken a step in the right direction.

More optimistic than ever,
Smog (Finding a good nick is just impossible).
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
291 Posts
Hi Smog (great nick by the way)

I just got out of bed and have to get ready for work. But a quick note. I frequently feel fractured, that is, the constant internal verbalizing, thoughts I guess, seems to just happen. Then I observe and comment on the thoughts, then I am the observer of that observer, one criticizing the other and and on and on. Thanks for the idea. If your realization brought an instant kind of unity -- it is kind of exciting and hopeful. I am going to try to ponder this, to see if I can get the kind of response you are talking about. Congradulations and thanks. Got to go.

And by the way (and this from someone with a post graduate degree in English), your prose is in no way broken and is actually kind of elegant :!: :D
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
291 Posts
Hi Smog (great nick by the way)

I just got out of bed and have to get ready for work. But a quick note. I frequently feel fractured, that is, the constant internal verbalizing, thoughts I guess, seems to just happen. Then I observe and comment on the thoughts, then I am the observer of that observer, one criticizing the other and and on and on. Thanks for the idea. If your realization brought an instant kind of unity -- it is kind of exciting and hopeful. I am going to try to ponder this, to see if I can get the kind of response you are talking about. Congradulations and thanks. Got to go.

And by the way (and this from someone with a post graduate degree in English), your prose is in no way broken and is actually kind of elegant :!: :D
 
1 - 4 of 4 Posts
Top