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Up to the age of 24 I never suffered with any mental health problems or DP or anything. I went round the world backpacking and had a great time. When I came back in July 1993 I got depressed at being back in the UK and the rubbish weather and the 9 to 5 jobs, compared to the fanastic lifestyle in Australia. The following year I didn't feel that mentally well, very depressed generally and that is when the DP clicked on for the first time (it was obviously trying to protect me from the feeling of depression). The DP then eventually went away. On and off over the years, trauma/loss/indecision/grief have caused my DP to return (I don't just wake up one day with DP), some sort of upset in my life causes it, i.e. splitting up with an ex-boyfriend, cat dying, being bullied at work, moving in with a boyfriend (now my husband), so you get the picture?

Well I was wondering if my past has caused this DP to click in, as when I was younger I saw my mum suffer two nervous breakdowns, I saw the wreck that she was and her wandering around the house saying she coudl see the devil, hallucinating, not knowing who she was (maybe this was my mum's DP), she was hospitalized twice and I found her once after she had taken an overdose, I found her unconscious (1989 roughly) and had to call my dad and get an ambulance. So my mum has been mentally ill in the past.

I was wondering whether it is in my genes that I suffer (my mum's sister also suffers from depression), or whether because I saw my mum all those years ago in such a bad way, that somehow my unconscious thinks that I should be the same???

I can now talk about what happened to my mum, I am over it, but I am wondering whether it has had some sort of effect on my mental state or my unconscious mind, as lo and behold from 1993 I have been an intermittent sufferer of Depersonalisation Disorder and Identity Confusion since 1993, either

1. I have lost my ability to cope with anxiety and trauma
2. My unconscious mind thinks I should be this way because of what happened to my mum.
3. Or I am just one of the unlucky few whose self defence protect mechanism goes wrong when something bad happens in my life.

I mean the self defence protect mechanism to protect us against anxiety/trauma is in all of us, but mine seems to go on and on long after the trauma has passed and become autonomous and a problem in itself.

Any ideas?

Sorry for such a long post!!

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