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Probably everyone has seen lists of behaviors or traits of a narcissist. For example here is a very good one:
http://parrishmiller...arcissists.html

But here is another one- a pretty unique list in that it is a checklist from the perspective of the VICTIM, not the narcissist. It's about what you experience and feel living with a narcissistic parent, and not only seems easier to answer but also shows the actual impact on you as well. I think if your gut reaction to any of these questions is a sense of recognition, then the answer is a yes:

http://www.williever...ssistic-mother/

When you discuss your life issues with your mother, does she divert the discussion to talk about herself?
When you discuss your feelings with your mother, does she she try to top the feeling with her own?
Does your mother act jealous of you?
Does your mother lack empathy for your feelings?
Does your mother only support those things you do that reflect on her as a "good mother?"
Have you consistently felt a lack of emotional closeness with your mother?
Have you consistently questioned whether or not your mother likes you or loves you?
Does your mother only do things for you when others can see?
When something happens in your life (accident, illness, divorce,) does your mother react with how it will affect her rather than how you feel?
Is or was your mother overly conscious of what others think (neighbors, friends, family, co-workers)?
Does your mother deny her own feelings?
Does your mother blame things on you or others rather than own responsibility for her feelings or actions?
Is or was your mother hurt easily and then carried a grudge for a long time without resolving the problem?
Do you feel you were a slave to your mother?
Do you feel you were responsible for your mother's ailments or sickness (headaches, stress, illness)?
Did you have to take care of your mother's physical needs as a child?
Do you feel unaccepted by your mother?
Do you feel your mother was critical of you?
Do you feel helpless in the presence of your mother?
Are you shamed often by your mother?
Do you feel your mother knows the real you?
Does your mother act like the world should revolve around her?
Do you find it difficult to be a separate person from your mother?
Does your mother appear phony to you?
Does your mother want to control your choices?
Does your mother swing from egotistical to a depressed mood?
Did you feel you had to take care of your mother's emotional needs as a child?
Do you feel manipulated in the presence of your mother?
Do you feel valued by mother for what you do rather than who you are?
Is your mother controlling, acting like a victim or martyr?
Does your mother make you act different from how you really feel?
Does your mother compete with you?
Does your mother always have to have things her way?

Arm Human Gesture Font Event


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But wait, there's more...

I decided to flip every single one of those questions, to give a sense of what a loving, supportive mother would be like. I think it gives a clearer perspective not only on the difference between a narcissistic parent and a loving parent, but really shows what you've been missing if you have a narcissistic parent(s). Here's the flipped list:

When you discuss your life issues with our mother, do you feel you have her unconditional love, support, and attention?
When you discuss your feelings with your mother, does she give you space and encouragement to express and share your emotions?
Does your mother act happy for you?
Does your mother demonstrate empathy for your feelings?
Is your mother willing to openly discuss things regardless of how they reflect on her?
Have you consistently felt a strong emotional bond with your mother?
Do you have a strong inner conviction that your mother likes you or loves you?
Does your mother do things for you regardless of whether others can see?
When something happens in your life (accident, illness, divorce,) does your mother give you her full attention?
Is or was your mother willing to go against what others think (neighbors, friends, family, co-workers)?
Is your mother conscious of and open about her own feelings?
Does your mother own responsibility for her feelings or actions?
Is or was your mother emotionally strong and able to face and resolve problems?
Do you feel you were truly valued by your mother?
Was your mother responsible towards your ailments or sickness (headaches, stress, illness)?
Did your mother take care of your physical needs as a child?
Do you feel accepted by your mother?
Do you feel your mother was open-minded towards you?
Do you feel empowered in the presence of your mother?
Did your mother encourage in you a sense of self-esteem and pride?
Do you feel your mother knows the real you?
Does your mother act as if you are a priority in her world?
Do you find it easy to be your own person with your mother?
Does your mother appear authentic and genuine to you?
Does your mother want to encourage your freedom and independence?
Is your mother emotionally mature and stable?
Did your mother attend to your emotional needs as a child?
Do you feel supported and validated in the presence of your mother?
Do you feel valued by mother for simply who you are?
Is your mother empowering and encouraging, like a coach?
Does your mother encourage you to be authentic to your own feelings?
Does your mother help bring out the best within you?
Does your mother always consider your feelings and perspective?

Just imaginging a childhood in which the answers to most of those questions is 'yes', is kind of mind-boggling to me.



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seafoam neon
Apr 24 2014 05:56 PM

Narcissitics treat their kids like they're props for their life movie


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themaxx10
Apr 25 2014 02:31 PM

Yes, which makes it hard to imagine being in the opposite situation, where they treat you and encourage you like you're the main character/hero in YOUR life movie (which of course we all are...)


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missjess
Apr 28 2014 04:41 PM

My mother ticks all those boxes although she was a different type of narcissist then my dad is but still they bith disgust me. It wud explain why I felt fuked up again after living with her for a while....she always diverts my conversations back to herself and always tries to talk about herself and her emotions. I feel like a slave around her and unacknowleged


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themaxx10
May 01 2014 12:52 AM

Same with me, and in my mind this was the 'normal' way of being, of living in a family. And to think the opposite is actually what is healthy and 'normal' for a human being...


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eddy1886
Jul 08 2014 05:46 AM

I find it hard to even type bad stuff about my parents..cos in the back of my mind they are both tellting me its my own fault i ended up like this...He ignores the problem and She denies anything is her fault...I get the "But we gave you everything" guilt trip...Her OCD and his Drinking has left me like a rigid tense wooden board...
 
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