[M A R S]

:? I feel like i'm freaking out. Like i'm going to forget my surroundings. Like i'm going to forget who i am and who my wife is.

I just feel like a tiny baby , keep whimpering and i feel alone.

I'm over run with anxiety and i need help. The Psych I'm seeing will not gave me xanax because of my history with addiction to alcohol but I'm on the verge of committing myself.

I burnt my leg from my knee to my foot 2 nights ago in a minor motorbike accident and when i went to the ER the DR gave me xanax. I felt so normal. It was like 75% of my anxiety and DP/DR were gone. before this past night i have not had any benzos in 7 years. I took them the last time i was suffering with this shit.

Right now i feel like I'm only seconds away from losing touch with reality. That ill just forget everything i know and be a freak. Has anyone else felt just like this?

I just want to be what i felt was normal again. I feel like i'm going to be in a rubber room just sitting there crying for the rest of my life.

Then i think, i should just give in and see what really happens to me. Instead of fighting just let my freak go and see if i really forget my wife, my home, my self, the people i know. Just the the world become unreal.

Has any one else felt like doing that?

Im sorry for this rant, im just freakling out right now...

 

[Guest]

Hiya,

Yes I have felt like that and still do.

I have also had the courage to let go, stop fighting and see if I disappear into oblivion...half of me truly wishing I would.

I sat there and let it happened....nothing.

Nothing happened. I got more and more dp and then it stopped. I still knew who I was, where I was, who my family were etc etc.

I didnt hurt me or transport me off anywhere strange or into another existence...all the things I expected to happen.

So go ahead and try it. I promise you wont lose reality as reality is always here. Its just that our brains try to distance us from it to protect us.

Jude xxx

 

[terri*]

Dear Spaceplex,

Jude is right. I think at some point most of us have tried to see if we would just go ahead and "go crazy". I wanted to. I thought at least then I wouldn't "know" what was wrong with me. Same thing happened to me as happened with Jude. Still there, still depressed/dr'd me.

Like you, I have been here before. You really must let that thought help you during the worst of times. After the crying, after the silent thoughts to be lifted out of this hell, try and let the thought that it did go away for you before bring you a small amount of peace. Let that thought help you towards more positive thinking which, as you know, will start to lift you back up a bit.

Space, is there just no way in hell you think you could do benzos again. I do remember reading a bit about your addiction. Is it you or you and your doctor who do not consider this an alternative. If they were given to you, do you have the inner strength to give your wife the bottle of pills and give them to you as instructed? Could this be an option for you.

I know exactly how you felt when you said the zanax brought you back around. It is a temporary fix, but it sounded like a much needed one for you. Please do not take my paragraph above as an endorsement for benzos. I am currently on a low dose as I have been for years. I do hate the fact I am addicted and would go in to withdrawal if I missed a dose or two. ( This happened one time when they switched me from ativan back to valium...they forgot to tell me I now needed to take 20 mgs of valium to equal the same amount of ativan. It took me forever to get back to a dose. I do not take valium now, though.)

I hate to read such painful stories, as I know having a baby and a spouse is so hard even when things are perfect in one's life. I am thinking of you and sending my most positive thoughts your way.

Most sincerely,
terri

 

[M A R S]

Thanks guys.. Im just dealing with some hard times.

 

[peacedove]

I had the same problem with benzos... my psychiatrist wouldn't give them to me cuz of my alcohol addiction issues. I finally got a new shrink, when he asked if I drank I said sometimes (a lie). But I got my benzos. I only take 0.5 mgs of klonopin(less than what was prescribed) and I only take xanax for emergencies(about every other week). And now I only drink maybe once a week. I used to drink just to get through the day without freakin out... now the benzos curb my freakouts so I actually drink less.

Don't know if it would do the same for you... just my story.