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On Monday, I moved out of my boyfriends house. He was psychologically, emotionally, and mentally extremely abusive. He is a part of what brought on this 3 month long episode of DP. Anyways, it was a toxic, sad, cruel, and scary environment living with him. I was isolated and alone with my emotional illness. Monday at 11:30pm he said something mean to me, and I snapped at decided to finally leave him. I didn't have the strength to do it. For 3 years, I was codependent and attached to him, I thought I was in love. Monday, all of a sudden something came over me. And I said "I'm DONE." and I packed up my entire life, and within half an hour I was on the road to my best friends house who told me to move in with her. My point is, my DP was my strength while I was packing. I completely disconnected from him and my environment. All that was on my mind was "collect all your important things, and get out of here." I was out of it, but focused on packing my belongings. If I didn't have depersonalization and my dissociation, I wouldn't have had the strength to leave. FINALLY, a brighter side to this has been revealed.



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dope
May 10 2017 03:18 PM

Cool! That's awesome, props!
Don't ever allow anybody anymore to treat you like that, because not only are you worth it, but he doesn't deserve your tears and suffering.
Now focus on your health
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Strength to you, it's really admiring what you've done, and you were really strong. Not everyone has the strength to do that, really inspiring.
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Sharon22
Jan 13 2018 12:23 AM

Depersonalization has helped me alot with anxiety. We forget that this is here to protect us not harm us at all.
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andy_goodchild
Feb 12 2018 06:09 PM

I can relate to this so much. I was in a very abusive controlling relationship for over 15 years. Two kids...a mortgage and unable to escape from this woman who was killing my soul. I was losing "ME" everything I did or said was wrong. Even the money I earned was never good enough for this person. I lost my self asteem and self value because I was ovewhealmed with her control both financially and emotionally. I became depressed and anxious, until a series of panic attacks sent me into a breakdown. I was diagnosed with depersonalisation disorder after my symptoms changed rapidly over the course of a week. I realised the stress I was under was destroying me and making me a very unwel man. I too packed my bags and one day left the house I worked hard for, for so many years. Developing DP/DR was hardly surprising looking back. My brain did the escape.....not the consious me.

It's been a hard struggle being a father folliowing an horendous divorce, but I'm here to tell the story and support anyone who has a similar story. NEVER let anyone destroy the person you are. For me, my attachment has it's routes in childhood. I ask myself, why did I stay with this woman for so many years....so many years of verbal putdowns. I stayed because of my young sons who I adore and love. Catch 22 situaton. Wanting to escape, but couldn't .

I wish all of you here a recovery and a self discovery which turns you into the person you were always meant to be. Healthy in mind and strong.

Happy to answer any questions or share your suffering. Andy.
 
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