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Great! But if I am projecting my stuff onto you, then you can talk about your childhood to me, right? How did you grow up? How your parents talked to each other? Did your parents kiss, hug each other? Did they hug you often?
A bit of very important tip to all of you - I'm 70% out of DP.
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No, you need to wake up. Are you even considering the possibility of people with DP who haven’t had that experience, or should we all just start to think our parents have created all our problems? You’re literally preaching one specific thing to a group of people because it aligns with causations in YOUR life. Trying to tell me I’ve been abused because I disagreed with your sweeping generalization of DP sufferers is called trolling.
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Also, note that in this reply, you never once written stuff like "My parents were in crazy love with each other, my father helped me to prepare for my first date, we were having big laughs together, my father was always behind my back when something happened. We had very happy Christmases" No, you started to attack me. Not one word about a happy childhood.
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Again, you answered NONE of my questions about your childhood. If you would have had a "good enough" childhood, it would have been no problem or discomfort for you to answer my questions. You keep diverting, distracting. You are in denial.
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Is that your passive aggressive way of trying to attack me? Because I disagree with you, I’m of the same category that you’re trying to fit everyone who has DP in? Let me guess, you had one mission coming here. Which was to spread your woke message to everyone here because it seems to help you. People like you make me sad. If you can’t back up ur argument without trolling, then you’re obviously the person at fault here
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Don’t try to tell me what my problem is. You’d make a real good Jehovas witness. You even mentioned God in there somewhere. Yeah, you’re brainwashed as fuck, living in one extremist mindstate. Get out, save yourself.
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And how about those beautiful days on the lakeshore with your father when you were fishing together for days? You had a lot of fun moments ,right? Mommy sometimes joined the boys, didn't she? Did she even try to do fishing with you? Do the boy thing? She was kind of clumsy, wasn't she? You and your father were laughing your ass off, right?
Man, you are so in denial it hurts.
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Don’t project your daddy issues onto me either, Eugene. Nice try guy. But, I’ll be the bigger man here and let you embarrass yourself some more. Keep talking, what you say exposes a lot more about you than it does me.
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Why do you think I’d want to prove anything to you? You’ve completely exposed yourself as a troll. Resorting to coming up with short stories that are your own wishes about your own childhood. Little crybaby made a whole post because of his own daddy issues and now he’s mad because he can’t imagine someone without his problem. What a funny little boy you are. You better be quiet, or I’ll tell your parents all about this post you made.
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When people who are strangers meet on holidays, or at a party, or a picnic, trip, I don't know, and one asks the other about stuff like this "Did you do fishing or stuff like that with your father?", you think people with a normal childhood ask something like this?? "Why you think I want to prove anything??"
People who respond like that are ASHAMED (unnecessarily) of their childhood, becoming defensive.
I did not ask you to send me a naked picture of your sister. I did not cross any boundary by asking for a happy story with your family. Yet you deny, attack, insult, distract.
ThystaBoy, not everyone with depersonalization had an abusive household. Everyone's triggers are different. Some people were bullied in school. Some people suffered no exceptionally ill treatment. Plus, the correlation between depersonalization and abuse has been established by some studies but causation hasn't. We don't know exacrly what the mechanism of depersonalization is, let alone what causes it.
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You can’t be serious can you? Your argument is “if you don’t want to tell me about your memories then uve obviously been abused lulzkek”. You’re nothing but a troll, a sham, another shill spreading their bullshit rhetoric to the DP community.
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Thanks but I stop, I'm really not here to beef with anyone, I just wanted to demonstrate something. I succeeded in that.
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I totally would (have). That is if Thysta took himself and others more seriously. He responded the way he did because I disagreed with his “application” which can hardly be taken seriously as it stands. “I notice childhood trauma in myself as it relates to my DP so I’m going to the forum to spread the news of what others problems are”. “And whoever disagrees with me, I’ll just tell them they’re in denial”. Lol, what a classic
For me the two are not necessarily linked. Imagine if someone runs a red light and hits me and then drives away, and my car is destroyed. The fact that my car is destroyed is the other person's fault, but I am the one who has to take responsibility for my car and do what needs to be done for the repair. For most people, acknowledging the responsibility of the other person doesn't mean they will do nothing about their own car or that they will not move on.
It's the same for me. I have spent years in therapy and have identified many abusive things mostly from my mother, and a lot of the time (but not always) the help it gave me seemed minimal. I don't know the answer. Maybe the culture of psychoanalysis is a little responsible for that, where we have learned that by just naming a trauma we should be rid of its consequences. Even some therapists seem to believe this and it's not necessarily the case. Just a thought, but maybe sometimes it can work when we identify the cause of one of our beliefs. For example I think I am bad at something in life, and looking at my past, I realize that I think that way because my mother told me things about it, and told me I would never be good at this, or that she hated my way of doing this or that. Then if I realize all my belief comes from this kind of interaction with her, I can realize this belief is not based on anything logical and it might be a false belief after all. And then maybe in my daily life, when that belief will come up to tell me I suck at this, I might remember that this belief is just a "memory" of what my mother used to tell me, for example, and is not based in reality, and then I would naturally modify it.
In this case, psychoanalysis would not be so different from CBT, where CBT only cares about the last step, and not really where the beliefs come from, they just change them "by force".
Actually, thinking about the self pity thing, I think looking at past traumas can be used to sort responsibilities, find what has been caused by another, and to the contrary what is my responsibility in all of that. For me, self pity actually happens when I don't understand what is happening to me and what the causes are and what I can do about it, and I resort to thinking "why always me??" As if it was all caused by an unfair force in the universe that always targets me and it's not my fault. And then the self pity itself seems to be what is dragging me down and I might start to hate myself for it, and try to represss it all because it feels like it is self pity itself which is dragging me down. One way to avoid self pity, then, is to take all the blame on myself. And if I do that, then it feels like I am the one in control and I have my life together, but then I might hate myself and fight with myself. This is just a possibility I am imagining based on how i have seen different people in my family function.
But understanding trauma can precisely help to see that it is not all caused by magical forces in the universe that target me in an unfair way, it is caused by past things that can be understood and sorted out. I can sort out what is my stuff and my responsibility and what is other people's responsbility and not unconsciously put the blame on myself for things I haven't done. I can have anger about it at first like it is normal to be angry at first at the guy who ran the red light.
Personal annecdote ahead: I'm just describing here the problem my mother had. One example among many is when I was about 14, I went to a concert with her, and there was a misunderstanding with one guy, a very stupid thing, I looked at him to see if he wanted to past me in the crowed, but he thought I looked at him because I hated him. It escalated and all his friends were starting to join and were starting to hit me, stronger and stronger. I told my mother I wanted to leave, she noticed and we left. But every time I spoke about this incident later, I had some resentment, which I think is perfectly healthy to some level because that guy was just being an ass and really put me in danger. But my mother always seemed to confuse that with self-pity, and kept telling me I should not look people in the eyes, as if I should take the blame for what happened. And she was not saying this in a calm helpful way, she was clearly triggered by my resentment and was scolding me. And I know her past, she had very abusive parents, and she really hates self pity. And for her, every resentment I could express counted as self pity. As an adult, I don't need her understanding, I should know what happened and deal with it myself in my mind. But as a child you need support, it is just normal to support your child and support them in their emotions and validate them, because this is how they learn to do it themselves. But my mother has always had that problema and she was never supportive about anything, she always acted as if it should be my fault and I should never blame others for anything (ironically she was always blaming others for everything herself, that's where her narcissisim comes into play). And as you said, we learn these things from others, and I have lacked the teaching about how to deal with my own emotions in a supportive way, and I feel I keep learning this by myself now. So it's not about just pointing the finger at my mother, but also finding out what is my responsibility today. I do have resentment about her and it is going away slowly as I am moving on, but in my case it would be a mistake to just throw the baby with the bath water because I see I have resentment and think this is going to be self pity and repress it all. Which I think is what my mother has done for all her life. Resentment can be ok, and if I validate it and get comfortable with it without repressing it I can sort out what is my mother's buisness to deal with and what is my buisness today. But the fear of self pity is what caused by mother to reject the whole situation just because there was some resentment in it.
Yes, that's what I was talking about with narcissistic traits. Confusing our subjective experience with an absolute truth, and neglecting other people's subjectivity. Tres was doing that to another level, for example. But I have been there too and I am not out of it... I remember when I disocvered I had some psychological diagnosis, years ago, I started to diagnose many people in my life with it, and I really felt like I was the carrier of the good news. Part of it was genuine happiness that I wanted to share with others and I wanted to do something helpful for them, but the other part was that I couldn't just go better on my own, I wanted others to acknowledge the power of what I had discovered and I wanted to be the one who helps them and get the credit and the praise.
But why don't you tell us about your childhood? It sounds like you want others to open about their vulnerabilities so that you can give them advice. Isn't it a way to take the higher ground? You could very well tell us about your own vulnerabilities and your childhood in detail, and we could all see for ourselves if there are some commonalities with our stories. People are smart and they are masters of their own life. They are free to identify with your story or not. And even if some people were in denial (which I don't know), they can break out of it on their own just like you did without someone delivering them the "truth". By the way, therapists never say "you are in denial, here is the truth", because it doesn't work, because they don't know the truth, and because it is an immature way of dealing with other people's subjectivity.
And I'm really not saying you are wrong, at least about me, your theory fits my observations about myself.
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I was 3 year old when I caught my mother cheating on my father, they started fighting when I told my father, they divorced after.
I was 4 when my narcissistic father robbed me from my mother's place during Christmas.
After that I lived one week at my father one week at my mother's place for 20 years.
Daddy is an alcoholic narcissist. I brought home 5 grades, 4 of them A, one B, weekend was spent me being scolded for the B, and he was constantly asking what grade XY classmate got for the same exam.
At mother's place, stepfather was beating her for 18 years, every now and then. My mother sometimes had to wear sunglasses everywhere she went because of the black eye.
Due to the constant fights and neglect of children, my little brother died in a home accident when I was 7 years old.
When I was 17 after a serious surgery, with an urinating bag on my side, my father hit me drunk, I could have died.
Other than that, I was a pretty good student always, won coding and Math competitions, started making music at 14 which I still do.
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Exactly. You get enough of these, you get a complex trauma state like DP.
This is absolutely what I am talking about 100%. Your perceptions simply don't match the beliefs you acquired from dysfunctional parents.
Absolutely agree!
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