A bit of very important tip to all of you - I'm 70% out of DP.

2155 Views 46 Replies 6 Participants Last post by ThystaBoy, 2 mo ago

ThystaBoy

Discussion Starter · 4 mo ago

Dear everyone,

I will be short, working on my next music video.

So, my DP hit in 2010, through a panic attack during a hot day, during a hangover. I always knew I come from a dysfunctional family, but, and first tip comes:

when you been emotionally neglected in your childhood, you don't know it. This is ABSOLUTELY important. You have no reference. So if you have DP, just trust me or anyone who says it, and go on
when you been emotionally abused in your childhood, you don't know it. That's it. Crucial to get. NO abusive parent ever said: "Look, son / daughter, you are a little lazy ugly evil bastard! You aren't worth shit! BUT, know that I am a pretty bad abusive narcissistic parent and you shouldn't take me seriously!" NO. They just tell you the first part, and you probably believe it, even if not fully.
MILESTONES. This is what I learned from Harris Harrington's program AND his free videos. EXTREME importance. In a normal household, it is like, you get your first girl (as a man), your parents tell you "Wow, congrats! You're starting to be a man!", when you get your first good grade in XY, they tell you "Wow! How good you are in this! I was not this good when I was a kid!". Of course, a narcissistic parent will never say that, but even a normal, loving mother who was ALSO neglected in childhood will have a hard time praising you in ways and in amount she never ever received. Or, "Now you are a man!" or "Now you are a real entrepreneur!" or "Now you are a real artist! You have fans!"

If you never got these "milestone responses" in your childhood, you will not give them to yourself if you never resolved this, and you can LITERALLY achieve all of your dreams, be a 7 times world champion in 4 sports, you'll STILL feel worthless! Of course, MENTALLY you will know it, but you'll still feel like a nobody. This is the cause of unhealthy perfectionism, which I'm sure most of people with DP has.

Thanks for reading! Keep going, healing is 100% possible, you are great people!

Gábor

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coolwhip27

· #10 · 4 mo ago (Edited)

ThystaBoy said:
Another tip I bring to you guys.

In DP, you all try to "solve" this, which is understandable, but know this: VAST majority of people with DP are INTROVERTED intuitives (in Myers Briggs IN). Introverted. Trauma, a dysfunctional family system made this introversion go TOO FAR in you.

What am I trying to say? How this can be an advice / tip again?

What I mean is, that the core of your problem is NOT something you can find "inside". The core problem is, that BECAUSE of the VERY SUBOPTIMUM care you received from your family, you simply do not sense, realize, understand, grasp, that YOU are a WORTHY human being. I know that when you have DP and read this, you don't really even get what the hell I mean. (Note: you don't need to have two "bad parents" in order to receive bad parenting. Lot of well meaning parents do very harmful things to a child. My mother for example is a very sweet woman (ESFJ, Fe dom, full of empathy and love), but she was running away from home, from one terrible marriage to another.)

Meditate on that thought again and again (don't obsess) for days, weeks, until you get what I mean.

Probably all your life, you just been appreciated for what you DO or ACHIEVE, and not just for the fact that you are a SON OF GOD (no religious meaning here! just emotionally loaded), a WORTHY, UNIQUE HUMAN, who brings COLOR to this life otherwise would not exist!

If you GRASP this, you will be able to face ANY anxious thought, life situation, life question, ANYTHING with a calm, non-anxious mind, which means a CLEAR MIND.

YOU. ARE. OF. WORTH. AS. YOU. ARE. Right now, there in front of the screen, reading. YOU.

I don't care which exam you failed, I don't care how you get fired from what job, I don't care how you acted drunk, even if you physically hurt someone (which I do not promote). You are worthy.

If it’s a problem of the parents and the child’s ignorance of their parents problem and so the child learns to blame themselves, then in becoming aware of themselves they find that theyve been suppressed due to past trauma, then what’s next? And what is the objective meaning of proper care from your family? I would venture to say it’s a highly subjective experience. And if you do have childhood trauma whether you know it or not, what is the purpose in measuring the problem by finding out whose at fault? “Why am I traumatized”? We then might try to rationalize why, who did it, and point fingers at our parents or members of our family etc. Or even ourselves. I’d say that the only plausible reason to find out “who or what” made us traumatized is to open our eyes to it so we can get away from them. That is, if they’re a forever problem.

Personally, I’m not going to put all my eggs in one basket and call it all a “childhood” trauma problem. That’s just extreme thinking

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coolwhip27

· #12 · 4 mo ago

leminaseri said:
btw i have done that. to my own mother. i blamed her for everything she did to me while my childhood. but it didnt do anything to my symptoms. and i also dont know what to do with the knowledge of my childhood“traumas“. i remember a lot bad shit you know. a lot of horrible stuff. but again. what to do with them?

Right. There’s a higher truth at stake here. Blame itself isn’t the way. Finding out the root of your trauma is personal, never about someone else. Yourself is whats included. Therefore I can’t agree with Thysta. To go beyond the ego that most are trapped in is for all of that to lose significance. Not to live in self pity because you think you’re a victim of childhood abuse. Know what I mean? That does nothing, infact it’s nothing but a stressor.

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coolwhip27

· #13 · 4 mo ago

All suffering anyone may experience over trauma is internal, all suffering is. So, your message is sorta backwards Thysta. Understanding yourself and your own imperfection is priceless, and understanding yourself does not mean theorizing about being traumatized from childhood. It doesn’t mean thinking that you think bad about yourself. That only induces self pity. Anything like that which is imagined can actually cause more damage to yourself in the now. And the now is all that matters

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coolwhip27

· #15 · 4 mo ago (Edited)

NoDevils said:
Living in blame of oneself or others isn't the same as recognizing psychological trauma. Psychological trauma has real measurable effects on the brain in many different types of animals. People with dissociation, psychosis, and emotional instability are more likely to have experienced severe loss and trauma, plus they have an increased possibility of retraumatization. While moving on is the ultimate goal it often requires processing the state of one's own mind and life. Some people will need to be cut out because they're too dysfunctional or continuously abusive.

Right, agreed. But on the topic of childhood trauma, that’s something ingrained deep in our psyche. I don’t think Thysta is talking about someone still living with abuse. If they are still being abused then yeah, they need to open their eyes to what’s happening. Childhood trauma goes very deep, it affects who we are. But is it more important to uncover how you were traumatized or is it more about you as a person right now, which is inside. I don’t understand why thysta said it has nothing to do with our internal selves

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coolwhip27

· #18 · 4 mo ago

ThystaBoy said:
Which is absolutely not true, at all. You believe everyone's childhood was as fd up as yours, and you blame yourself for "having DP". Right there a belief that is creating or contributing to your DP.

So you are basically saying that households where parents are in peace with each other, little, almost funny arguments here and there, and households where men literally beat women are really just two points on a spectrum?? No big deal?

You have been BRAINWASHED by your parents who wanted you to think they did okay. This is not a personal attack, I was brainwashed too. We were children who trusted these idiots.

So now you’re going as far as to say I’m a victim of abuse, and you don’t even know me? You’ve brainwashed yourself by a theory, and that everyone with DP has it because they’ve had childhood trauma. Probably because YOU have. That’s a very common thing for people to do, to just assume that their own problem applies to everyone else.

And I’m not saying any of that. I didn’t say completely subjective, but it’s highly subjective because the experience of trauma itself can be as it pertains to the person having it. Like how about getting high on weed and having a panic attack/existential breakdown? Is that always a result of childhood trauma? My ASS it is. You’re just another woke depersonalization spewer

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coolwhip27

· #22 · 4 mo ago

ThystaBoy said:
And this is what your parents wanted you to believe so the never have to face consequences of their irresponsibility. The "let the past be in the past" is the ultimate joker card weapon of abusive parents.

If we always should let the past be in the past, then why humanity invented court and prison? Because there has to be CONSEQUENCES of bad behavior, so the world isn't turning into chaos.

No, you need to wake up. Are you even considering the possibility of people with DP who haven’t had that experience, or should we all just start to think our parents have created all our problems? You’re literally preaching one specific thing to a group of people because it aligns with causations in YOUR life. Trying to tell me I’ve been abused because I disagreed with your sweeping generalization of DP sufferers is called trolling.

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coolwhip27

· #25 · 4 mo ago

ThystaBoy said:
Also, note that in this reply, you never once written stuff like "My parents were in crazy love with each other, my father helped me to prepare for my first date, we were having big laughs together, my father was always behind my back when something happened. We had very happy Christmases" No, you started to attack me. Not one word about a happy childhood.

Is that your passive aggressive way of trying to attack me? Because I disagree with you, I’m of the same category that you’re trying to fit everyone who has DP in? Let me guess, you had one mission coming here. Which was to spread your woke message to everyone here because it seems to help you. People like you make me sad. If you can’t back up ur argument without trolling, then you’re obviously the person at fault here

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coolwhip27

· #26 · 4 mo ago

ThystaBoy said:
Again, you answered NONE of my questions about your childhood. If you would have had a "good enough" childhood, it would have been no problem or discomfort for you to answer my questions. You keep diverting, distracting. You are in denial.

Don’t try to tell me what my problem is. You’d make a real good Jehovas witness. You even mentioned God in there somewhere. Yeah, you’re brainwashed as fuck, living in one extremist mindstate. Get out, save yourself.

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coolwhip27

· #28 · 4 mo ago

ThystaBoy said:
And how about those beautiful days on the lakeshore with your father when you were fishing together for days? You had a lot of fun moments ,right? Mommy sometimes joined the boys, didn't she? Did she even try to fish with you? Do the boy thing? She was kind of clumsy, wasn't she? You and your father were laughing your ass off, right?

Man, you are so in denial it hurts.

Don’t project your daddy issues onto me either, Eugene. Nice try guy. But, I’ll be the bigger man here and let you embarrass yourself some more. Keep talking, what you say exposes a lot more about you than it does me.

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coolwhip27

· #30 · 4 mo ago

ThystaBoy said:
4 responses, not even one-sentence responses, and not ONE thing about your nice childhood. You could have just DESTROYED me with the short story of ONE single nice family day. You were not able to come up with that.

Why do you think I’d want to prove anything to you? You’ve completely exposed yourself as a troll. Resorting to coming up with short stories that are your own wishes about your own childhood. Little crybaby made a whole post because of his own daddy issues and now he’s mad because he can’t imagine someone without his problem. What a funny little boy you are. You better be quiet, or I’ll tell your parents all about this post you made.

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coolwhip27

· #33 · 4 mo ago (Edited by Moderator)

ThystaBoy said:
When people who are strangers meet on holidays, or at a party, or a picnic, trip, I don't know, and one asks the other about stuff like this "Did you do fishing or stuff with your father?", you think people with a normal childhood ask something like this?? "Why you think I want to prove anything??"

People who respond like that are ASHAMED (unnecessarily) of their childhood, becoming defensive.

I did not ask you to send me a naked picture of your sister. I did not cross any boundary by asking for a happy story with your family. Yet you deny, attack, insult, distract.

You can’t be serious can you? Your argument is “if you don’t want to tell me about your memories then uve obviously been abused lulzkek”. You’re nothing but a troll, a sham, another shill spreading their bullshit rhetoric to the DP community.

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coolwhip27

· #36 · 4 mo ago

NoDevils said:
Both of you are making good points you should try chilling out and listening to each other.

I totally would (have). That is if Thysta took himself and others more seriously. He responded the way he did because I disagreed with his “application” which can hardly be taken seriously as it stands. “I notice childhood trauma in myself as it relates to my DP so I’m going to the forum to spread the news of what others problems are”. “And whoever disagrees with me, I’ll just tell them they’re in denial”. Lol, what a classic

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coolwhip27

· #45 · 4 mo ago

I really am good at getting people riled up at me for no reason. First I disagree with what they have to say and the next thing I know it isn’t a friendly conversation anymore. I don’t actually like or enjoy being toxic back. I just feel like it’s well-deserved when I do.

With that being said I have been a dick to trith in the past (which I’ve been forgiven for) (multiple times). But when I come to the DP forum now I look forward to seeing what NoDevils, Trith and Leminsaeri have to say.

Perhaps we got off on the wrong foot Thsyta. I don’t actually think you have nothing to contribute here. But you weren’t very nice to me sir.

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