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A bit of very important tip to all of you - I'm 70% out of DP.

2156 Views 46 Replies 6 Participants Last post by  ThystaBoy
Dear everyone,

I will be short, working on my next music video.

So, my DP hit in 2010, through a panic attack during a hot day, during a hangover. I always knew I come from a dysfunctional family, but, and first tip comes:
  • when you been emotionally neglected in your childhood, you don't know it. This is ABSOLUTELY important. You have no reference. So if you have DP, just trust me or anyone who says it, and go on
  • when you been emotionally abused in your childhood, you don't know it. That's it. Crucial to get. NO abusive parent ever said: "Look, son / daughter, you are a little lazy ugly evil bastard! You aren't worth shit! BUT, know that I am a pretty bad abusive narcissistic parent and you shouldn't take me seriously!" NO. They just tell you the first part, and you probably believe it, even if not fully.
  • MILESTONES. This is what I learned from Harris Harrington's program AND his free videos. EXTREME importance. In a normal household, it is like, you get your first girl (as a man), your parents tell you "Wow, congrats! You're starting to be a man!", when you get your first good grade in XY, they tell you "Wow! How good you are in this! I was not this good when I was a kid!". Of course, a narcissistic parent will never say that, but even a normal, loving mother who was ALSO neglected in childhood will have a hard time praising you in ways and in amount she never ever received. Or, "Now you are a man!" or "Now you are a real entrepreneur!" or "Now you are a real artist! You have fans!"

    If you never got these "milestone responses" in your childhood, you will not give them to yourself if you never resolved this, and you can LITERALLY achieve all of your dreams, be a 7 times world champion in 4 sports, you'll STILL feel worthless! Of course, MENTALLY you will know it, but you'll still feel like a nobody. This is the cause of unhealthy perfectionism, which I'm sure most of people with DP has.
Thanks for reading! Keep going, healing is 100% possible, you are great people!

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Good for you, but where are the tips?
The tips are there, they just don't feel like tips. This is one of the biggest obstacles in recovery. That the information is in front of you, but does not sound like anything useful. Try to stretch your mind, I do know it feels hard.

To me, for years, emotional neglect as an explanation and solution for DP sounded like a cheesy corny idiotic stupidity. But that was because I never received emotional / psychological care.
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Don't forget, that ultimately, your goal is not to "heal your DP", it is to live your life happily. DP, in a way, is a distraction from life. Your mind is going from one abstract concept to the next, fantasizing about negative things, because you are in a state where you are currently unable to focus on your life. People out there, who don't have DP, they never "resolved their DP", they are just able to follow their goals and enjoy life because they never been neglected and abused emotionally.
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This is the kind of thing that is helping me too. More generally having more consideration for myself, my achievements, my negative emotions and not just the positive ones, but the positive ones too, my opinions, my thoughts, what I want deep inside. And give myself that consideration and not try to make others give it to me. But there are many specific obstacles about this, and I think that even if this could help someone else, the details are probably very unique to each person.
In general, for me, it's also to get out of a logic of suppression of the things I don't like in me. But I have been using this strategy for years, and it takes time to find replacements.
" get out of a logic of suppression of the things I don't like in me"

I'm absolutely sure that most of those things you "don't like in you", are just lies from emotional abuse and neglect. And yes, I suppressed those too for years, until I realized there were nothing real to suppress.
Another tip I bring to you guys.

In DP, you all try to "solve" this, which is understandable, but know this: VAST majority of people with DP are INTROVERTED intuitives (in Myers Briggs IN). Introverted. Trauma, a dysfunctional family system made this introversion go TOO FAR in you.

What am I trying to say? How this can be an advice / tip again?

What I mean is, that the core of your problem is NOT something you can find "inside". The core problem is, that BECAUSE of the VERY SUBOPTIMUM care you received from your family, you simply do not sense, realize, understand, grasp, that YOU are a WORTHY human being. I know that when you have DP and read this, you don't really even get what the hell I mean. (Note: you don't need to have two "bad parents" in order to receive bad parenting. Lot of well meaning parents do very harmful things to a child. My mother for example is a very sweet woman (ESFJ, Fe dom, full of empathy and love), but she was running away from home, from one terrible marriage to another.)

Meditate on that thought again and again (don't obsess) for days, weeks, until you get what I mean.

Probably all your life, you just been appreciated for what you DO or ACHIEVE, and not just for the fact that you are a SON OF GOD (no religious meaning here! just emotionally loaded), a WORTHY, UNIQUE HUMAN, who brings COLOR to this life otherwise would not exist!

If you GRASP this, you will be able to face ANY anxious thought, life situation, life question, ANYTHING with a calm, non-anxious mind, which means a CLEAR MIND.

YOU. ARE. OF. WORTH. AS. YOU. ARE. Right now, there in front of the screen, reading. YOU.

I don't care which exam you failed, I don't care how you get fired from what job, I don't care how you acted drunk, even if you physically hurt someone (which I do not promote). You are worthy.
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I would venture to say it’s a highly subjective experience.
Which is absolutely not true, at all. You believe everyone's childhood was as fd up as yours, and you blame yourself for "having DP". Right there a belief that is creating or contributing to your DP.

So you are basically saying that households where parents are in peace with each other, little, almost funny arguments here and there, and households where men literally beat women are really just two points on a spectrum?? No big deal?

Do you know what is the inner consequence of the belief you wrote down? That the world is UNSAFE, and ANYONE, ANYTIME can do sht to me my parents did to each other or me. That is what you believe then.

You have been BRAINWASHED by your parents who wanted you to think they did okay. This is not a personal attack, I was brainwashed too. We were children who trusted these idiots.
All suffering anyone may experience over trauma is internal, all suffering is. So, your message is sorta backwards Thysta. Understanding yourself and your own imperfection is priceless, and understanding yourself does not mean theorizing about being traumatized from childhood. It doesn’t mean thinking that you think bad about yourself. That only induces self pity. Anything like that which is imagined can actually cause more damage to yourself in the now. And the now is all that matters
And this is what your parents wanted you to believe so the never have to face consequences of their irresponsibility. The "let the past be in the past" is the ultimate joker card weapon of abusive parents.

If we always should let the past be in the past, then why humanity invented court and prison? Because there has to be CONSEQUENCES of bad behavior, so the world isn't turning into chaos.
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For example if someone has an abusive egotistical father they'll respond to egotism as if it's an incoming violent threat.
Absolutely. Because the two stuff is connected to each other in our brains.
So now you’re going as far as to say I’m a victim of abuse, and you don’t even know me? You’ve brainwashed yourself by a theory, and that everyone with DP has it because they’ve had childhood trauma. Probably because YOU have. That’s a very common thing for people to do, to just assume that their own problem applies to everyone else.

And I’m not saying any of that. I didn’t say completely subjective, but it’s highly subjective because the experience of trauma itself can be as it pertains to the person having it. Like how about getting high on weed and having a panic attack/existential breakdown? Is that always a result of childhood trauma? My ASS it is. You’re just another woke depersonalization spewer
Great! But if I am projecting my stuff onto you, then you can talk about your childhood to me, right? How did you grow up? How your parents talked to each other? Did your parents kiss, hug each other? Did they hug you often?
So now you’re going as far .....
Also, note that in this reply, you never once written stuff like "My parents were in crazy love with each other, my father helped me to prepare for my first date, we were having big laughs together, my father was always behind my back when something happened. We had very happy Christmases" No, you started to attack me. Not one word about a happy childhood.
No, you need to wake up. Are you even considering the possibility of people with DP who haven’t had that experience, or should we all just start to think our parents have created all our problems? You’re literally preaching one specific thing to a group of people because it aligns with causations in YOUR life. Trying to tell me I’ve been abused because I disagreed with your sweeping generalization of DP sufferers is called trolling.
Again, you answered NONE of my questions about your childhood. If you would have had a "good enough" childhood, it would have been no problem or discomfort for you to answer my questions. You keep diverting, distracting. You are in denial.
Don’t try to tell me what my problem is. You’d make a real good Jehovas witness. You even mentioned God in there somewhere. Yeah, you’re brainwashed as fuck, living in one extremist mindstate. Get out, save yourself.
And how about those beautiful days on the lakeshore with your father when you were fishing together for days? You had a lot of fun moments ,right? Mommy sometimes joined the boys, didn't she? Did she even try to do fishing with you? Do the boy thing? She was kind of clumsy, wasn't she? You and your father were laughing your ass off, right?

Man, you are so in denial it hurts.
4 responses, not even one-sentence responses, and not ONE thing about your nice childhood. You could have just DESTROYED me with the short story of ONE single nice family day. You were not able to come up with that.
Why do you think I’d want to prove anything to you?
When people who are strangers meet on holidays, or at a party, or a picnic, trip, I don't know, and one asks the other about stuff like this "Did you do fishing or stuff like that with your father?", you think people with a normal childhood ask something like this?? "Why you think I want to prove anything??"

People who respond like that are ASHAMED (unnecessarily) of their childhood, becoming defensive.

I did not ask you to send me a naked picture of your sister. I did not cross any boundary by asking for a happy story with your family. Yet you deny, attack, insult, distract.
Both of you are making good points you should try chilling out and listening to each other.
Thanks but I stop, I'm really not here to beef with anyone, I just wanted to demonstrate something. I succeeded in that.
But why don't you tell us about your childhood?

I was 3 year old when I caught my mother cheating on my father, they started fighting when I told my father, they divorced after.

I was 4 when my narcissistic father robbed me from my mother's place during Christmas.

After that I lived one week at my father one week at my mother's place for 20 years.

Daddy is an alcoholic narcissist. I brought home 5 grades, 4 of them A, one B, weekend was spent me being scolded for the B, and he was constantly asking what grade XY classmate got for the same exam.

At mother's place, stepfather was beating her for 18 years, every now and then. My mother sometimes had to wear sunglasses everywhere she went because of the black eye.

Due to the constant fights and neglect of children, my little brother died in a home accident when I was 7 years old.

When I was 17 after a serious surgery, with an urinating bag on my side, my father hit me drunk, I could have died.

Other than that, I was a pretty good student always, won coding and Math competitions, started making music at 14 which I still do.
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For example I think I am bad at something in life, and looking at my past, I realize that I think that way because my mother told me things about it
Exactly. You get enough of these, you get a complex trauma state like DP.

Then if I realize all my belief comes from this kind of interaction with her, I can realize this belief is not based on anything logical and it might be a false belief after all.
This is absolutely what I am talking about 100%. Your perceptions simply don't match the beliefs you acquired from dysfunctional parents.

But understanding trauma can precisely help to see that it is not all caused by magical forces in the universe that target me in an unfair way, it is caused by past things that can be understood and sorted out.
Absolutely agree!
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and because it is an immature way of dealing with other people's subjectivity.
I came here to tell you tips that helped me, if you don't like it, click away. I have already regretted it.
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Everyone's triggers are different.
Trigger is not cause.
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