[ThystaBoy]

Dear everyone,

I will be short, working on my next music video.

So, my DP hit in 2010, through a panic attack during a hot day, during a hangover. I always knew I come from a dysfunctional family, but, and first tip comes:

• when you been emotionally neglected in your childhood, you don't know it. This is ABSOLUTELY important. You have no reference. So if you have DP, just trust me or anyone who says it, and go on
• when you been emotionally abused in your childhood, you don't know it. That's it. Crucial to get. NO abusive parent ever said: "Look, son / daughter, you are a little lazy ugly evil bastard! You aren't worth shit! BUT, know that I am a pretty bad abusive narcissistic parent and you shouldn't take me seriously!" NO. They just tell you the first part, and you probably believe it, even if not fully.
• MILESTONES. This is what I learned from Harris Harrington's program AND his free videos. EXTREME importance. In a normal household, it is like, you get your first girl (as a man), your parents tell you "Wow, congrats! You're starting to be a man!", when you get your first good grade in XY, they tell you "Wow! How good you are in this! I was not this good when I was a kid!". Of course, a narcissistic parent will never say that, but even a normal, loving mother who was ALSO neglected in childhood will have a hard time praising you in ways and in amount she never ever received. Or, "Now you are a man!" or "Now you are a real entrepreneur!" or "Now you are a real artist! You have fans!"
  
  If you never got these "milestone responses" in your childhood, you will not give them to yourself if you never resolved this, and you can LITERALLY achieve all of your dreams, be a 7 times world champion in 4 sports, you'll STILL feel worthless! Of course, MENTALLY you will know it, but you'll still feel like a nobody. This is the cause of unhealthy perfectionism, which I'm sure most of people with DP has.

Thanks for reading! Keep going, healing is 100% possible, you are great people!

Gábor

 

[Aridity]

Good for you, but where are the tips?

 

[ThystaBoy]

Good for you, but where are the tips?

The tips are there, they just don't feel like tips. This is one of the biggest obstacles in recovery. That the information is in front of you, but does not sound like anything useful. Try to stretch your mind, I do know it feels hard.

To me, for years, emotional neglect as an explanation and solution for DP sounded like a cheesy corny idiotic stupidity. But that was because I never received emotional / psychological care.

 

[ThystaBoy]

Don't forget, that ultimately, your goal is not to "heal your DP", it is to live your life happily. DP, in a way, is a distraction from life. Your mind is going from one abstract concept to the next, fantasizing about negative things, because you are in a state where you are currently unable to focus on your life. People out there, who don't have DP, they never "resolved their DP", they are just able to follow their goals and enjoy life because they never been neglected and abused emotionally.

 

[Trith]

The tips are there, they just don't feel like tips. This is one of the biggest obstacles in recovery. That the information is in front of you, but does not sound like anything useful. Try to stretch your mind, I do know it feels hard.

To me, for years, emotional neglect as an explanation and solution for DP sounded like a cheesy corny idiotic stupidity. But that was because I never received emotional / psychological care.

This is the kind of thing that is helping me too. More generally having more consideration for myself, my achievements, my negative emotions and not just the positive ones, but the positive ones too, my opinions, my thoughts, what I want deep inside. And give myself that consideration and not try to make others give it to me. But there are many specific obstacles about this, and I think that even if this could help someone else, the details are probably very unique to each person.
In general, for me, it's also to get out of a logic of suppression of the things I don't like in me. But I have been using this strategy for years, and it takes time to find replacements.

 

[ThystaBoy]

This is the kind of thing that is helping me too. More generally having more consideration for myself, my achievements, my negative emotions and not just the positive ones, but the positive ones too, my opinions, my thoughts, what I want deep inside. And give myself that consideration and not try to make others give it to me. But there are many specific obstacles about this, and I think that even if this could help someone else, the details are probably very unique to each person.
In general, for me, it's also to get out of a logic of suppression of the things I don't like in me. But I have been using this strategy for years, and it takes time to find replacements.

" get out of a logic of suppression of the things I don't like in me"

I'm absolutely sure that most of those things you "don't like in you", are just lies from emotional abuse and neglect. And yes, I suppressed those too for years, until I realized there were nothing real to suppress.

 

[ThystaBoy]

Another tip I bring to you guys.

In DP, you all try to "solve" this, which is understandable, but know this: VAST majority of people with DP are INTROVERTED intuitives (in Myers Briggs IN). Introverted. Trauma, a dysfunctional family system made this introversion go TOO FAR in you.

What am I trying to say? How this can be an advice / tip again?

What I mean is, that the core of your problem is NOT something you can find "inside". The core problem is, that BECAUSE of the VERY SUBOPTIMUM care you received from your family, you simply do not sense, realize, understand, grasp, that YOU are a WORTHY human being. I know that when you have DP and read this, you don't really even get what the hell I mean. (Note: you don't need to have two "bad parents" in order to receive bad parenting. Lot of well meaning parents do very harmful things to a child. My mother for example is a very sweet woman (ESFJ, Fe dom, full of empathy and love), but she was running away from home, from one terrible marriage to another.)

Meditate on that thought again and again (don't obsess) for days, weeks, until you get what I mean.

Probably all your life, you just been appreciated for what you DO or ACHIEVE, and not just for the fact that you are a SON OF GOD (no religious meaning here! just emotionally loaded), a WORTHY, UNIQUE HUMAN, who brings COLOR to this life otherwise would not exist!

If you GRASP this, you will be able to face ANY anxious thought, life situation, life question, ANYTHING with a calm, non-anxious mind, which means a CLEAR MIND.

YOU. ARE. OF. WORTH. AS. YOU. ARE. Right now, there in front of the screen, reading. YOU.

I don't care which exam you failed, I don't care how you get fired from what job, I don't care how you acted drunk, even if you physically hurt someone (which I do not promote). You are worthy.

 

[NoDevils]

There are a lot of people with depersonalization who had emotionally unhealthy childhoods. You're right that the frame of reference for what's healthy usually doesn't exist when you're a child. A child may feel safer and more comfortable with one parent than the other, which can alternate over time, but when they go to an entirely different household they'll discover that it functions differently, with its own strengths and weaknesses. Our points of reference need to constantly expand otherwise we become stuck.

 

[NoDevils]

Another tip I bring to you guys.

In DP, you all try to "solve" this, which is understandable, but know this: VAST majority of people with DP are INTROVERTED intuitives (in Myers Briggs IN). Introverted. Trauma, a dysfunctional family system made this introversion go TOO FAR in you.

What am I trying to say? How this can be an advice / tip again?

What I mean is, that the core of your problem is NOT something you can find "inside". The core problem is, that BECAUSE of the VERY SUBOPTIMUM care you received from your family, you simply do not sense, realize, understand, grasp, that YOU are a WORTHY human being. I know that when you have DP and read this, you don't really even get what the hell I mean. (Note: you don't need to have two "bad parents" in order to receive bad parenting. Lot of well meaning parents do very harmful things to a child. My mother for example is a very sweet woman (ESFJ, Fe dom, full of empathy and love), but she was running away from home, from one terrible marriage to another.)

Meditate on that thought again and again (don't obsess) for days, weeks, until you get what I mean.

Probably all your life, you just been appreciated for what you DO or ACHIEVE, and not just for the fact that you are a SON OF GOD (no religious meaning here! just emotionally loaded), a WORTHY, UNIQUE HUMAN, who brings COLOR to this life otherwise would not exist!

If you GRASP this, you will be able to face ANY anxious thought, life situation, life question, ANYTHING with a calm, non-anxious mind, which means a CLEAR MIND.

YOU. ARE. OF. WORTH. AS. YOU. ARE. Right now, there in front of the screen, reading. YOU.

I don't care which exam you failed, I don't care how you get fired from what job, I don't care how you acted drunk, even if you physically hurt someone (which I do not promote). You are worthy.

I agree self worth needs to come from relationship with some person or object because that way we can have information about ourselves from a less biased third party. People have positive and negative distortions about themselves which they need to function, but these distortions can become a source of pain for introverted people trapped their own minds.

Relating to this to childhood mistreatment, a person who is mistreated by their parents often blames themselves. I'm ugly, evil, and not worthy of good treatment. Theoretically, this protects the child from recognizing their parent is hopelessly destructive to them because such recognition would be too distressing. At the same time, people including victims of abuse have positive distortions about themselves that might function as coping mechanisms. For example, people tend to overestimate their own beauty, perhaps because they feel a need to be exceptional. Looking at these examples we see the average person isn't a reliable narrator on the topic of their own human value. Truth needs to come from self's relationship to other, not from self's relationship to self. Self can act as a moderator, choosing what external information to give the most credence.

 

[coolwhip27]

Another tip I bring to you guys.

In DP, you all try to "solve" this, which is understandable, but know this: VAST majority of people with DP are INTROVERTED intuitives (in Myers Briggs IN). Introverted. Trauma, a dysfunctional family system made this introversion go TOO FAR in you.

What am I trying to say? How this can be an advice / tip again?

What I mean is, that the core of your problem is NOT something you can find "inside". The core problem is, that BECAUSE of the VERY SUBOPTIMUM care you received from your family, you simply do not sense, realize, understand, grasp, that YOU are a WORTHY human being. I know that when you have DP and read this, you don't really even get what the hell I mean. (Note: you don't need to have two "bad parents" in order to receive bad parenting. Lot of well meaning parents do very harmful things to a child. My mother for example is a very sweet woman (ESFJ, Fe dom, full of empathy and love), but she was running away from home, from one terrible marriage to another.)

Meditate on that thought again and again (don't obsess) for days, weeks, until you get what I mean.

Probably all your life, you just been appreciated for what you DO or ACHIEVE, and not just for the fact that you are a SON OF GOD (no religious meaning here! just emotionally loaded), a WORTHY, UNIQUE HUMAN, who brings COLOR to this life otherwise would not exist!

If you GRASP this, you will be able to face ANY anxious thought, life situation, life question, ANYTHING with a calm, non-anxious mind, which means a CLEAR MIND.

YOU. ARE. OF. WORTH. AS. YOU. ARE. Right now, there in front of the screen, reading. YOU.

I don't care which exam you failed, I don't care how you get fired from what job, I don't care how you acted drunk, even if you physically hurt someone (which I do not promote). You are worthy.

If it’s a problem of the parents and the child’s ignorance of their parents problem and so the child learns to blame themselves, then in becoming aware of themselves they find that theyve been suppressed due to past trauma, then what’s next? And what is the objective meaning of proper care from your family? I would venture to say it’s a highly subjective experience. And if you do have childhood trauma whether you know it or not, what is the purpose in measuring the problem by finding out whose at fault? “Why am I traumatized”? We then might try to rationalize why, who did it, and point fingers at our parents or members of our family etc. Or even ourselves. I’d say that the only plausible reason to find out “who or what” made us traumatized is to open our eyes to it so we can get away from them. That is, if they’re a forever problem.

Personally, I’m not going to put all my eggs in one basket and call it all a “childhood” trauma problem. That’s just extreme thinking

 

[leminaseri]

We then might try to rationalize why, who did it, and point fingers at our parents or members of our family etc.

btw i have done that. to my own mother. i blamed her for everything she did to me while my childhood. but it didnt do anything to my symptoms. and i also dont know what to do with the knowledge of my childhood“traumas“. i remember a lot bad shit you know. a lot of horrible stuff. but again. what to do with them?

 

[coolwhip27]

btw i have done that. to my own mother. i blamed her for everything she did to me while my childhood. but it didnt do anything to my symptoms. and i also dont know what to do with the knowledge of my childhood“traumas“. i remember a lot bad shit you know. a lot of horrible stuff. but again. what to do with them?

Right. There’s a higher truth at stake here. Blame itself isn’t the way. Finding out the root of your trauma is personal, never about someone else. Yourself is whats included. Therefore I can’t agree with Thysta. To go beyond the ego that most are trapped in is for all of that to lose significance. Not to live in self pity because you think you’re a victim of childhood abuse. Know what I mean? That does nothing, infact it’s nothing but a stressor.

 

[coolwhip27]

All suffering anyone may experience over trauma is internal, all suffering is. So, your message is sorta backwards Thysta. Understanding yourself and your own imperfection is priceless, and understanding yourself does not mean theorizing about being traumatized from childhood. It doesn’t mean thinking that you think bad about yourself. That only induces self pity. Anything like that which is imagined can actually cause more damage to yourself in the now. And the now is all that matters

 

[NoDevils]

Living in blame of oneself or others isn't the same as recognizing psychological trauma. Psychological trauma has real measurable effects on the brain in many different types of animals. People with dissociation, psychosis, and emotional instability are more likely to have experienced severe loss and trauma, plus they have an increased possibility of retraumatization. While moving on is the ultimate goal it often requires processing the state of one's own mind and life. Some people will need to be cut out because they're too dysfunctional or continuously abusive.

 

[coolwhip27]

Living in blame of oneself or others isn't the same as recognizing psychological trauma. Psychological trauma has real measurable effects on the brain in many different types of animals. People with dissociation, psychosis, and emotional instability are more likely to have experienced severe loss and trauma, plus they have an increased possibility of retraumatization. While moving on is the ultimate goal it often requires processing the state of one's own mind and life. Some people will need to be cut out because they're too dysfunctional or continuously abusive.

Right, agreed. But on the topic of childhood trauma, that’s something ingrained deep in our psyche. I don’t think Thysta is talking about someone still living with abuse. If they are still being abused then yeah, they need to open their eyes to what’s happening. Childhood trauma goes very deep, it affects who we are. But is it more important to uncover how you were traumatized or is it more about you as a person right now, which is inside. I don’t understand why thysta said it has nothing to do with our internal selves

 

[NoDevils]

Right, agreed. But on the topic of childhood trauma, that’s something ingrained deep in our psyche. I don’t think Thysta is talking about someone still living with abuse. If they are still being abused then yeah, they need to open their eyes to what’s happening. Childhood trauma goes very deep, it affects who we are. But is it more important to uncover how you were traumatized or is it more about you as a person right now, which is inside. I don’t understand why thysta said it has nothing to do with our internal selves

Our reactions are informed by prior experiences. For example if someone has an abusive egotistical father they'll respond to egotism as if it's an incoming violent threat. A similar thing happens to me when I see someone being paranoid delusional or invalidating; it reminds me of the type of households I grew up in and triggers a sort of rebellion in me. It bothers me to be stuck in traffic so I can attend some stupid appointment to supposedly help my meaningless life in a suburban sprawl. I resent the idle chatter of myself and my family. It'd rather live in the woods and eat squirrel or in a dangerous ghetto. When I go to sleep in an environment that triggers me I dream that I'm a child dealing with the same little traumas I left behind almost a decade ago. The only solution for me is to leave, and everything else is just coping. The only question is what can I do to prepare so that I never have to return.

When you say, "Thyrsta said it has nothing to do with our internal selves," are you referring to what he said to Trith? Basically what he meant was that guilt and self-loathing are byproducts of a repressive household and are therefore meaningless. I noticed many of your posts are Zen Buddhist in nature, not that I'm suggesting you should be religious. In Zen Buddhism there's this idea of non self. In some states of consciousness ego might dissolve, and that ego dissolution is sometimes productive. Being guilty about past mistakes or having the "wrong" identity like homosexuality is a type of nothingburger. Either we learn from our mistakes and stop repeating them or we don't, and who's to say what constitutes a mistake? Beating oneself up often signals a lack of progress. I think self criticism can involve humor and a sense that we aren't very important in the grand scheme.

 

[ThystaBoy]

I would venture to say it’s a highly subjective experience.

Which is absolutely not true, at all. You believe everyone's childhood was as fd up as yours, and you blame yourself for "having DP". Right there a belief that is creating or contributing to your DP.

So you are basically saying that households where parents are in peace with each other, little, almost funny arguments here and there, and households where men literally beat women are really just two points on a spectrum?? No big deal?

Do you know what is the inner consequence of the belief you wrote down? That the world is UNSAFE, and ANYONE, ANYTIME can do sht to me my parents did to each other or me. That is what you believe then.

You have been BRAINWASHED by your parents who wanted you to think they did okay. This is not a personal attack, I was brainwashed too. We were children who trusted these idiots.

 

[coolwhip27]

Which is absolutely not true, at all. You believe everyone's childhood was as fd up as yours, and you blame yourself for "having DP". Right there a belief that is creating or contributing to your DP.

So you are basically saying that households where parents are in peace with each other, little, almost funny arguments here and there, and households where men literally beat women are really just two points on a spectrum?? No big deal?

You have been BRAINWASHED by your parents who wanted you to think they did okay. This is not a personal attack, I was brainwashed too. We were children who trusted these idiots.

So now you’re going as far as to say I’m a victim of abuse, and you don’t even know me? You’ve brainwashed yourself by a theory, and that everyone with DP has it because they’ve had childhood trauma. Probably because YOU have. That’s a very common thing for people to do, to just assume that their own problem applies to everyone else.

And I’m not saying any of that. I didn’t say completely subjective, but it’s highly subjective because the experience of trauma itself can be as it pertains to the person having it. Like how about getting high on weed and having a panic attack/existential breakdown? Is that always a result of childhood trauma? My ASS it is. You’re just another woke depersonalization spewer

 

[ThystaBoy]

All suffering anyone may experience over trauma is internal, all suffering is. So, your message is sorta backwards Thysta. Understanding yourself and your own imperfection is priceless, and understanding yourself does not mean theorizing about being traumatized from childhood. It doesn’t mean thinking that you think bad about yourself. That only induces self pity. Anything like that which is imagined can actually cause more damage to yourself in the now. And the now is all that matters

And this is what your parents wanted you to believe so the never have to face consequences of their irresponsibility. The "let the past be in the past" is the ultimate joker card weapon of abusive parents.

If we always should let the past be in the past, then why humanity invented court and prison? Because there has to be CONSEQUENCES of bad behavior, so the world isn't turning into chaos.

 

[ThystaBoy]

For example if someone has an abusive egotistical father they'll respond to egotism as if it's an incoming violent threat.

Absolutely. Because the two stuff is connected to each other in our brains.