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Hi all, it's a little late however just came across this site and am just in awe reading about similar experiences! Its so settling to know there are others who have been afflicted with this total bullshi# condition! The documentary info is lower down, I'd just like to release all my built up frustrations and knowldge Ive gained during these weird months!

May 2013 is where it all started, it was utter hell I tried to battle it for a few months but ended up in and out of mental hospitals as I was a danger to myself, I wanted to kill myself to be frank; its the only thing that made me feel some happiness. I thought I was doomed to feel like this for eternity. I could describe it all but imagine you get the picture. I spent every waking hour searching about the symptoms, I thought I had scizophrienia, autism, psychosis, no one really had a fucking clue what was going on! Slowly From September 2013 to now, I've recovered mostly, so around 5 or 6 months.

At the hospital I do believe Olanzapine & Amissulpride for "normalising" the the brain, took me back to reality. (Notably citalopram) from Jan-Feb this year started to reverse the weird vision (that was the worst part for me) if this is of interest look into the TPJ (temporo paritial junction) and related studies. I dont want to put scary things out there, but having a some kind of fundamental understanding of the brain and connections or just whatever you can string together some coherence out of even if it might be complete nonsense, really really really helped me, and if you're like me hearing about this stuff is so exciting and somewhat healing, I was fine for 22 years, so I refuse to accept that the remaing 5% will persist.

I kick myself day in day out, this was caused by Magic Mushrooms, tripping too often, but this whole experience really stripped away all of the nonesense and delusions about myself and has left me feeling changed but in the long run (a better person?) On top of it my best friend had fucked of with my girlfriend, Id stopped smoking weed (daily) after 4 years, and had just finished University after months of intense stress and anxiety, they all combined together and I got super super depressed, I was a mess... I left my life and joined a spiritual community for a few months and that was absolutely amazing in terms of recovery! Love and closeness is a must must must (and lots of cats).

I like to think, the remaining 5% the looking in the mirror and feeling a bit weird, gazing at other peoples eyes to wonder if they're in some other dimension, the happy thoughts that pop up then get shot down by "oh, you forgot about me, im still here" still annoy me but I refuse to let it be a part of me for much longer. Like I say im 95% percent there, I am convicted that you can recover from this nonesense disorder, it is completely impossible to imagine yourself feeling yourself again, but it happens ever so slightly and slowly!

A major part of recovery is when I started taking super super high strength fish oil 8000 mg with active 500mg DHA which is essential for neuroplasticity (NMDA) (Glutamate) calcium and sodium gated channel function (or so i understand), if you've not had a look into these "channels" I throughly reccomded it, I've trawled the web high and low, one to many national journals for my liking... (Its a very crude understanding Ive pieced together and can't really verbalise it, its quite fragmented, but these few things stood out in my research) Im also seriously considering RTMS procedure for the low mood I still feel and hopefully the last %5 percent, but with poor research and 2000 pounds a week, Im not too sure. Possibly start taking lacitmel or some other sodium\calcium channel "normalsiing" drug might just do the trick I hope!

Other essential things are, unfluridated water, high strength magensium, high dosage of vitmamin B and D complex, super good food, little dairy, gluten, soja. Sex. 5HTP & Protein mix with (tyrptophan). Nice shampoo that makes me feel happy when im in the cacoon of the shower. Try doing Yoga, some meditation (not so easy when you're mind is going 5000 miles an hour). Try and do all the things you once did, if they're too weird, just stay away, the nicest part of slowly recovering is being able to notice the subtle differences as time goes by and finally and sadly, time. Oh and distraction, distraction, absolutely mind blowing films!

I'd like to see it as an "awakening" to my true self, but pretty hard to truely believe. The teachings of Eckhart Tolle were a fundamental part of recovery. Maybe it was some higher power telling me to live more and not just smoke weed, watch tv and eat biscuits every night. Once I feel 100% it'll be like a re birth!

Quite a few spelling mistakes, but im on a Swedish keyboard and really cant be bothered to correct it all!

But seriously, don't fool yourself into thinking it will never go away!

So.....

This experience has inspired me to make an indpeth documentary, I would be looking for people in the UK who are suffering or have had this condition, I have a large amount of funding in place for the film and it would be primarly interviews sufferers, experts, doctors, psycgologists, the authors of the national journals ect,

Im hoping to record an FMRI session in London for the film combined with research as part of it.

If you are interested in film making and would like to help out please message me! I really think an indepth film highlighting this disorder is something very much in need! It may require alot of travel, but maybe a team of people who are interested in the proposal and film making or even just to help out would be wonderful!

And remember this disorder is a pile of sh#t don't let it take your soul away!

:)
 

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I'd really hope when making this, if you plan on having it actually published, that you would consider all logical approaches and not just the ones that support how you emotionally feel in the momnt. I planned at one point to do this same this and I felt it would be very beneficial to everybody. Looking back now I can see I was lying to myself bout a lot of the things I believed. I'm not at all invalidating your idea, I just think this needs to be thought out a lot, and come from the perspectives of those who are 100% confident in how they've recovered.
 
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