Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Back when I was around 17 I smoked a lot of pot and had a extreme panic attack. Felt fine the next day then within a week I woke up feeling completely disconnected from myself and the world. This lasted for about 2-3 years it’s hard to remember as time is a weird thing when dealing with this. I took Ativan nightly to help me sleep and It just slowly started getting better. I woke up one morning and felt like myself again, got off the Ativan and felt fine for about 3-4 years. Fast forward to now, dealing with it again for 2 years now I’d say and it’s a much different situation and harder. The short of it I ate an edible and felt extremely fucked up for a long time. Next few days I felt pretty weird but after that it cooled down a bit then fast forward a few weeks and back to dp/dr disorder. Same symptoms that I had when I originally went through it but magnified and I don’t know why. Completely detached, feel like a robot, like I’m all in my head my body isn’t mine. Don’t feel like I’m at home even in my own house and can’t even connect properly with my fiancé, son and we now have another on the way. I am pretty much a brain dead zombie at this point and am going to keep a journal and see if it helps. I have been taking klonopin 0.5mg and they take the edge off but the doctor gave me 30 and told me those needed to last me 3 months which isn’t much help. Trying to space them out just makes me feel even worse. I have an appointment with a psychiatrist this coming Wednesday and am hoping I can get a prescription I can take daily because most doctors are just not educated at all on dp/dr. I have had plenty of mornings where I wake up and just don’t even care to be alive, I’m not my once vibrant self. I use to feel invincible and determined, would lift everyday and study. Now I just don’t want to even get up, after feeling like this for so long with no feeling of hope I just could care less to be on this earth at this point. I want to be able to experience being a dad/husband and feel like I have failed them with how I have been the past two years. I’m a software programmer and force myself to go to work everyday because my family is my responsibility but I think that may be a factor of this time around being worse. The last time I only worked 30 hours a week and was a home health aide so had human interaction and not much screen interaction. If anyone has any tips I would highly appreciate it as life is kind of hell right now and I’m just ready to be myself again. There are some moments where I kind of feel like myself again but those moments are brief and it quickly goes back to feeling like an alien. Some days I’ll just be spending time with my son/fiancé and not even notice it, I’ve also noticed being intimate takes the edge off as well but I still feel fairly disconnected. Does anyone here have experience taking klonopin daily, how much did it help? Also, did going to a psychiatrist and just talking help? I use to lurk here a lot just never made an actual thread. It’s good to know we aren’t alone in this state of purgatory or however you want to explain it.