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Have a heart.. have a read ...

Soooooo...... I'm writing my first entry, should of along time ago but hey hoe. I am 17 now and I first properly became numb about 2 years 6 months ago. I believe my brain over time just began to hide behind snowy vision since an earlier age of 12. As my father mentally abused me a lot as a child, my mum had O.C.D and I became bulimic at 12 after being bullied at start of secondary school then up till I was 15 I had been mentally abused so much that the self-harm and weird eating patterns were not enough, so hard drugs came in the picture and casual sex with random people, getting diagnosed with borderline, then at 16 overdosing on Heroin and having a hardcore traumatising trip on LSD, nothing could stop the numb now other than drugs and booze.
THEN on the 21 st June 2011 I got section on section 2 of the mental health act because the derealisation was making me act pyhcotic ( APPARENTLY. I wouldn't know... ) . Then at the end of the 28 days got section 3 of the mental health act till October 6th 2011 were I won a tribunal and got sent free
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at this point I had moved out my parents to live with my partner and some friends in East Sussex. Where drug use got bad again..... overdosed twice accidentley and once on purpose. Being addicted to Valium was the main problem
but it is the only drug that ALMOST fully makes me feel NORMAL!!!.

On December 18 th 2011 I went to court and was sentanced to 3 months in Young Offenders Secure Unit in Crawley but was transferred to Hailsham to be nearer my partner. Those 3 months where hell. I was not aloud outside, I was not aloud contact with anyone, I was only aloud my prescribed meds, atleast in the Priory mental health hospital i could pretend to kick off and score a free jab of Valium in my ass.

Now here I am on 18th October 2012 after getting out of secure on the 6th March 2012. Living in a hostel house share bed sit load of shite, can't keep a job CANT go to college too many people. Living off readymeals and drinking my liver away whilst abusing my now PRESCRIBED PERMENANTLY Valium
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lucky me eh after all the shit i got in for taking it. oh well. I LOVE MY PARTNER AND MY FRIENDS AND WHERE I LIVE BUT.......

I NEEEEEEED DEPERSONISATION/DEREALIZATION TO GO AWAY!!!! AND I WILL BE HAPPY!!!!!


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Anonymous10020
Nov 13 2012 09:20 AM

Wow, I can relate with you on so many levels from this post. Message or e-mail me if you'd like to chat sometime.

If not, it sounds like you've had a rough go, and I hope you have or are building a good support network to help you get through this. Remember that DP sometimes leaves on its own terms, and all we can do is cope until then.

Cheers friend.


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Georgie
Nov 13 2012 10:09 AM

My email if you wanna chat or add me on Facebook and inbox on there. Would be nice to chat to someone who understands
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hope my blog has helped in some way x
 
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