18 Months- Doing ok
Hi friends,
Today marks me having DPDR for exactly 1.5 years. It's crazy to me that it's lasted this long; 2017 does not even feel like it happened. I've noticed when I want to refer to something in 2016 I instinctively want to say "last year", hah. Anyway, I don't really come to this site anymore. I have no reason to, all the recovery stories say the same thing and I've come far enough that all the "doom and gloom" posts are irrelevant to me. Even though it feels like I'm continuing to get better, reading through my previous posts (especially my last one, the one year anniversary) makes me think that that sense of progress is somehow just an illusion, and that I've actually just plateaued. It's annoying and inconvenient, but it's really not that bad of a thing. I've come a long way, and the idea of having it forever doesn't freak me out or make me depressed. That is something that I wouldn't have been able to comprehend over a year ago. DPDR is still a big part of my life, but it is not the overwhelming, incapacitating thing that it used to be. Though I feel weird, I'm living my life normally (besides smoking pot or drinking coffee)
In the 6 months since my last post, I've started a new job. A real, engineering job where I need to actually think and use my brain and have a lot of responsibility and interact with people and present in meetings. It's actually boring as fuck but the pay is very good. It also happens to be about an hour away from where I live, which means I spend a large part of my day driving on multiple busy highways. All this stuff was IMPOSSIBLE for me at the very beginning, even as recently as last summer. But fuck it, I can't let it stop me from having a normal life. I used to love driving (it's still scary sometimes now), so there's no way DPDR is gonna take that away from me.
So that's about it. I'll check back again 6 months from now at the 2 year mark. It's more likely than not I'll still have it. But that's fine, I'm feeling ok now.
TK
p.s. The absolute number one thing (and only thing) that has helped for me is meditation. Whether you have blank mind or endless existential thoughts, meditation helps you be more aware and in control of what your brain is doing. It only takes ten minutes of your day and I can't recommend it enough.
Today marks me having DPDR for exactly 1.5 years. It's crazy to me that it's lasted this long; 2017 does not even feel like it happened. I've noticed when I want to refer to something in 2016 I instinctively want to say "last year", hah. Anyway, I don't really come to this site anymore. I have no reason to, all the recovery stories say the same thing and I've come far enough that all the "doom and gloom" posts are irrelevant to me. Even though it feels like I'm continuing to get better, reading through my previous posts (especially my last one, the one year anniversary) makes me think that that sense of progress is somehow just an illusion, and that I've actually just plateaued. It's annoying and inconvenient, but it's really not that bad of a thing. I've come a long way, and the idea of having it forever doesn't freak me out or make me depressed. That is something that I wouldn't have been able to comprehend over a year ago. DPDR is still a big part of my life, but it is not the overwhelming, incapacitating thing that it used to be. Though I feel weird, I'm living my life normally (besides smoking pot or drinking coffee)
In the 6 months since my last post, I've started a new job. A real, engineering job where I need to actually think and use my brain and have a lot of responsibility and interact with people and present in meetings. It's actually boring as fuck but the pay is very good. It also happens to be about an hour away from where I live, which means I spend a large part of my day driving on multiple busy highways. All this stuff was IMPOSSIBLE for me at the very beginning, even as recently as last summer. But fuck it, I can't let it stop me from having a normal life. I used to love driving (it's still scary sometimes now), so there's no way DPDR is gonna take that away from me.
So that's about it. I'll check back again 6 months from now at the 2 year mark. It's more likely than not I'll still have it. But that's fine, I'm feeling ok now.
TK
p.s. The absolute number one thing (and only thing) that has helped for me is meditation. Whether you have blank mind or endless existential thoughts, meditation helps you be more aware and in control of what your brain is doing. It only takes ten minutes of your day and I can't recommend it enough.
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