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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
My story I will try TLDR:

Was fat, unpopular in high school, thought at the time my parents where great.. in reality now I see they hurt me.. they would mock me for playing games because I had no friends in a sarcastic way not trying to hurt me.. but it did make me feel worthless.

I smoked marijuana at 16 years old, I had the worst panic attack of my life. I would completely black out for 5 minutes, then come to for 1-2 minutes, and I had to walk on a busy street like this about 2 miles home, I remember everytime I would "Come to" I wasn't sure how I didnt walk out in front of a car and didn't die.. sure enough I would freak out and black out again, then come back but I would be a couple hundred yards further ahead.

The next morning I woke up and I didnt feel normal, I had no idea what it was. I told my mom and she took me to the Dr. he told me the weed was probably laced and the effects would pass! Great! about 1 week later I remember it like it was yesterday, I was sitting on the couch and off of a sudden it hit me like a truck and BOOM my DP was gone.. Great! ... Not so fast! about a week later I was working a job that required me to literally sit on my ass and watch for fires for 12 hours per day. I remember sitting there and mauling over the entire experience.. mauling over and over and over for a couple days about how scary that was. BOOM instantly my DP/DR hit me again. To this day I have now had it for 12 years!.

I check back here every year or two to see if their is a miracle cure, people always love to say "just forget it and it will go away with time!" Well for me it hasn't. I now have been HAPPILY married for 8 years, with 2 kids and a great job which everyday is a struggle with my DP/DR. But there have been times through this that I have literally accept that this is the way it is and have felt completely happy with it knowing I fucked up when I was 16, but it still hasn't gone away.

It's been years since I have tried to "fight" this again. But I am going to try with the support of my amazing wife beside me. I'm starting to think that either I am still suffering from some MAJOR ptsd from the entire experience trip, maybe I have major OCD? because I have always obsessed over any type of health issues. Or maybe it was my upbrining that I need to work through it.

It seems odd to me, I turned my life around so much with DP but it is still here. Like I said, Happily Married, 2 great kids, own my own house. Have a good job. Got in to fitness after highschool and turned from a 180lb fat kid to a 200lb bodybuilder at one point, accepted this is the way it is.. but I still have it. I do sorta feel hopeless at this very moment I guess thats why I am making this rant.

I have also only tried about 5 different meds in total over 12 years since I have always hated the way they make me feel.
 

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Welcome! I think you are right about it being psychological. You say you're upbringing might need looking at and you were bullied. I was really badly bullied at the time it developed, so I need to look at that as well as many other things. I think I have complex PTSD (amd you may too). I wouldn't underestimate the effect of being publicly shamed over and over (aka bullied) has on a person.

Shame is horrible and to have that experience repeated for a long time takes a real toll on your sense of self and self esteem. I am now saying this with every post I write, but jordan Peterson is a good psychologist to look into. There is another post on it:

http://www.dpselfhelp.com/forum/index.php?/topic/83050-jordan-peterson-wasting-time-and-opportunities/#entry550153
 

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I've had it for 2 years chronic , do you feel drunk or spaced out 24/7 aswell as detatched ? Mine to must be from PTSD or something similar as I've never touched drugs and have had a tonne of tests . DM me for a chat bro
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Either your trolling hard bro, or you just didn’t read my post all that much. I’m not offended but you probably shouldn’t even be here with that attitude.
 

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Either your trolling hard bro, or you just didn't read my post all that much. I'm not offended but you probably shouldn't even be here with that attitude.
huh? i read your post, but i have the same issue. i have no idea what to do to even move closer to recovery. It's like navigating to a destination without a map. I'm entirely clueless, and entirely hoping on time to resolve the issue. We've both tried fitness and healthy eating, giving it time, and distraction. Clearly this is not the solution brotha. I dont think i have any form of ptsd or ocd. I only obsess about dpdr like once every 2 weeks. It just never goes away.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
True by my post I mean I don't obese about DPS, and sometimeshave gone months and months without thinking about it.

But I have come to realize that I might have chronic OCD and anxiety about everything in my life. I am starting to realize that I obsess about every little thing. I get a rash on my arm? I obsess about it non stop 24/7 until it's gone thinking it's going to kill me lol.

I am holding to the one bit of hope I had. That when I first got DP it did go away for about 1-2 weeks until I "thought" my way back in to it. With some therapy I'm hoping I can think my way back it.
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
I should add I have also only tried about 3 anti depressants in the last 12 years. I have not done any type of therapy. Etc. I mean by looking at the recovery stories some people try 40+ drugs then finally find the magic one for them.
 

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what did you try? and how long were you on each medication?

I mean by looking at the recovery stories some people try 40+ drugs then finally find the magic one for them.
https://www.reddit.com/r/dpdr/comments/2wj5af
that's one of those stories, i love it, straight to the point, dude didn't give in and when he found it, it didn't take that long
 

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what did you try? and how long were you on each medication?

https://www.reddit.com/r/dpdr/comments/2wj5af
that's one of those stories, i love it, straight to the point, dude didn't give in and when he found it, it didn't take that long
So amphetamines cured him? I doubt it. But I'm happy for him if that's the case. I've tried Vyvanse myself but it didn't help me.
 

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My story I will try TLDR:

Was fat, unpopular in high school, thought at the time my parents where great.. in reality now I see they hurt me.. they would mock me for playing games because I had no friends in a sarcastic way not trying to hurt me.. but it did make me feel worthless.

I smoked marijuana at 16 years old, I had the worst panic attack of my life. I would completely black out for 5 minutes, then come to for 1-2 minutes, and I had to walk on a busy street like this about 2 miles home, I remember everytime I would "Come to" I wasn't sure how I didnt walk out in front of a car and didn't die.. sure enough I would freak out and black out again, then come back but I would be a couple hundred yards further ahead.

The next morning I woke up and I didnt feel normal, I had no idea what it was. I told my mom and she took me to the Dr. he told me the weed was probably laced and the effects would pass! Great! about 1 week later I remember it like it was yesterday, I was sitting on the couch and off of a sudden it hit me like a truck and BOOM my DP was gone.. Great! ... Not so fast! about a week later I was working a job that required me to literally sit on my ass and watch for fires for 12 hours per day. I remember sitting there and mauling over the entire experience.. mauling over and over and over for a couple days about how scary that was. BOOM instantly my DP/DR hit me again. To this day I have now had it for 12 years!.

I check back here every year or two to see if their is a miracle cure, people always love to say "just forget it and it will go away with time!" Well for me it hasn't. I now have been HAPPILY married for 8 years, with 2 kids and a great job which everyday is a struggle with my DP/DR. But there have been times through this that I have literally accept that this is the way it is and have felt completely happy with it knowing I fucked up when I was 16, but it still hasn't gone away.

It's been years since I have tried to "fight" this again. But I am going to try with the support of my amazing wife beside me. I'm starting to think that either I am still suffering from some MAJOR ptsd from the entire experience trip, maybe I have major OCD? because I have always obsessed over any type of health issues. Or maybe it was my upbrining that I need to work through it.

It seems odd to me, I turned my life around so much with DP but it is still here. Like I said, Happily Married, 2 great kids, own my own house. Have a good job. Got in to fitness after highschool and turned from a 180lb fat kid to a 200lb bodybuilder at one point, accepted this is the way it is.. but I still have it. I do sorta feel hopeless at this very moment I guess thats why I am making this rant.

I have also only tried about 5 different meds in total over 12 years since I have always hated the way they make me feel.
I can relate to the story with your parents. Being pushed away by your parents as a child is brutal as you are defenseless as a child. It also makes you insecure and instable in your emotional life. I am in the same position as you, job, wife, going out but still stuck with DP. The challenge is to work through the traumatic childhood and trauma to beat this.
 

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So amphetamines cured him? I doubt it. But I'm happy for him if that's the case. I've tried Vyvanse myself but it didn't help me.
https://www.reddit.com/r/dpdr/comments/5r8946
https://www.reddit.com/r/dpdr/comments/4c4bzo/adderall/

Just a quick search... second one is there because someone did find Vyvanse useful.

The key to that story isn't what, it's the road taken to get there, I admit amphetamines is unconventional, having ADD i might just try it some day, but the long term effects sound awful.

I've read many people who say they have lower anxiety on Ritalin for instance and many who didn't even have anxiety until they started it, so who knows what you respond to, half these medications have more theories than science at times.

I've read Zoloft and Mirtazapine, i've found success stories on 20 different medications from reading forums.
 

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https://www.reddit.com/r/dpdr/comments/5r8946
https://www.reddit.com/r/dpdr/comments/4c4bzo/adderall/

Just a quick search... second one is there because someone did find Vyvanse useful.

The key to that story isn't what, it's the road taken to get there, I admit amphetamines is unconventional, having ADD i might just try it some day, but the long term effects sound awful.

I've read many people who say they have lower anxiety on Ritalin for instance and many who didn't even have anxiety until they started it, so who knows what you respond to, half these medications have more theories than science at times.

I've read Zoloft and Mirtazapine, i've found success stories on 20 different medications from reading forums.
Zoloft is said to be very good against social phobia. According to research 28 % of DP patients have been diagnosed with it. Maybe that is reason why it is working well for some people....
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
I would like to provide an update -

After 12 years of chronic DP/DR. I think I am making progress. I broke it once for a week the first year I had it and then "thought" my way back in to it. I thought I would be stuck forever until less then 2 weeks ago I decided I was truly going to try, with a wife and 2 kids I just don't feel like dealing with it anymore. There have been times I have "forgot" and not thought about my DP for months and months on end and it never went away.

I personally have had it for so long I feel like maybe one of the hardest things for me to overcome is I almost have no memories of what normal feels like anymore.

I have to focus on it, literally I have been telling myself 24-7 which is quite exhausting "this is just anxiety, nothing more" for the first time in 12 years I actually believe it. I think that might be one of the biggest factors to recovery.

On top of that, I spend most of my moments awake self monitoring my thoughts, being more positive and really try to focus on every little action I do... typing, picking something up.. really "feeling" it. Again this is exaushting.

Where I am at now at about 8 days of this.

- I am starting to gain back a sense of "this world is a real planet and I am in XXX city and stuff around me is actually happening"
- started a night, some things looked a little more "real" when I really focused on items, at first it would only happen in dim lighting, and for seconds. Now in the evening I can go for a walk and things look a lot more "clear", the "glass" between my brain and eyes seems to be reduced by like 80% in the evening.
- I am finally starting to get "seconds" during the day where sometimes things look more clear like they started to in the evenings, but I still never get 100% clear moments.
- home, it's the most familiar but still the most distant in my mind. It's really hard to pull myself back to reality while I'm at home.
- only thought I really obbsess about anymore is what will my memories I created with DP feel like when it's gone. I'm scared of losing memories of my children's birth.
-I am getting moments where I feel like DP would disappear at any second blabs I get super super dizzy and almost have a little panic attack I think I need to work through this.
-any lighting in stores etc DP gets really bad.

Started taking a bunch of supplements with my journey to recovery. They are:
Zinc 100mg day split in 2
Biotine 1000mg
Magnesium L Threoate 1000mg
B6 100 mg
Inositol 500 mg (look it up)
B12 1200 mcg
Phosphatidylserine 600mg (look it up)
L theanine 500 mg split 2
Good quality fish oil.
 
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