My story I will try TLDR:
Was fat, unpopular in high school, thought at the time my parents where great.. in reality now I see they hurt me.. they would mock me for playing games because I had no friends in a sarcastic way not trying to hurt me.. but it did make me feel worthless.
I smoked marijuana at 16 years old, I had the worst panic attack of my life. I would completely black out for 5 minutes, then come to for 1-2 minutes, and I had to walk on a busy street like this about 2 miles home, I remember everytime I would "Come to" I wasn't sure how I didnt walk out in front of a car and didn't die.. sure enough I would freak out and black out again, then come back but I would be a couple hundred yards further ahead.
The next morning I woke up and I didnt feel normal, I had no idea what it was. I told my mom and she took me to the Dr. he told me the weed was probably laced and the effects would pass! Great! about 1 week later I remember it like it was yesterday, I was sitting on the couch and off of a sudden it hit me like a truck and BOOM my DP was gone.. Great! ... Not so fast! about a week later I was working a job that required me to literally sit on my ass and watch for fires for 12 hours per day. I remember sitting there and mauling over the entire experience.. mauling over and over and over for a couple days about how scary that was. BOOM instantly my DP/DR hit me again. To this day I have now had it for 12 years!.
I check back here every year or two to see if their is a miracle cure, people always love to say "just forget it and it will go away with time!" Well for me it hasn't. I now have been HAPPILY married for 8 years, with 2 kids and a great job which everyday is a struggle with my DP/DR. But there have been times through this that I have literally accept that this is the way it is and have felt completely happy with it knowing I fucked up when I was 16, but it still hasn't gone away.
It's been years since I have tried to "fight" this again. But I am going to try with the support of my amazing wife beside me. I'm starting to think that either I am still suffering from some MAJOR ptsd from the entire experience trip, maybe I have major OCD? because I have always obsessed over any type of health issues. Or maybe it was my upbrining that I need to work through it.
It seems odd to me, I turned my life around so much with DP but it is still here. Like I said, Happily Married, 2 great kids, own my own house. Have a good job. Got in to fitness after highschool and turned from a 180lb fat kid to a 200lb bodybuilder at one point, accepted this is the way it is.. but I still have it. I do sorta feel hopeless at this very moment I guess thats why I am making this rant.
I have also only tried about 5 different meds in total over 12 years since I have always hated the way they make me feel.
Was fat, unpopular in high school, thought at the time my parents where great.. in reality now I see they hurt me.. they would mock me for playing games because I had no friends in a sarcastic way not trying to hurt me.. but it did make me feel worthless.
I smoked marijuana at 16 years old, I had the worst panic attack of my life. I would completely black out for 5 minutes, then come to for 1-2 minutes, and I had to walk on a busy street like this about 2 miles home, I remember everytime I would "Come to" I wasn't sure how I didnt walk out in front of a car and didn't die.. sure enough I would freak out and black out again, then come back but I would be a couple hundred yards further ahead.
The next morning I woke up and I didnt feel normal, I had no idea what it was. I told my mom and she took me to the Dr. he told me the weed was probably laced and the effects would pass! Great! about 1 week later I remember it like it was yesterday, I was sitting on the couch and off of a sudden it hit me like a truck and BOOM my DP was gone.. Great! ... Not so fast! about a week later I was working a job that required me to literally sit on my ass and watch for fires for 12 hours per day. I remember sitting there and mauling over the entire experience.. mauling over and over and over for a couple days about how scary that was. BOOM instantly my DP/DR hit me again. To this day I have now had it for 12 years!.
I check back here every year or two to see if their is a miracle cure, people always love to say "just forget it and it will go away with time!" Well for me it hasn't. I now have been HAPPILY married for 8 years, with 2 kids and a great job which everyday is a struggle with my DP/DR. But there have been times through this that I have literally accept that this is the way it is and have felt completely happy with it knowing I fucked up when I was 16, but it still hasn't gone away.
It's been years since I have tried to "fight" this again. But I am going to try with the support of my amazing wife beside me. I'm starting to think that either I am still suffering from some MAJOR ptsd from the entire experience trip, maybe I have major OCD? because I have always obsessed over any type of health issues. Or maybe it was my upbrining that I need to work through it.
It seems odd to me, I turned my life around so much with DP but it is still here. Like I said, Happily Married, 2 great kids, own my own house. Have a good job. Got in to fitness after highschool and turned from a 180lb fat kid to a 200lb bodybuilder at one point, accepted this is the way it is.. but I still have it. I do sorta feel hopeless at this very moment I guess thats why I am making this rant.
I have also only tried about 5 different meds in total over 12 years since I have always hated the way they make me feel.
