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I doubt anybody remembers me but I was active on here almost a decade ago. I posted under the account named "Hoopesy". Cant log back into it unfortunately. But it means that yes, I have had DP/DR on a chronic, ceaseless basis for going on 10 years. A lot happens in that amount of time. I've dealt with loss, addiction, broken relationships and ruined plans. Il try to keep it all as relevant as possible but I can tell you I have survived with it. It is possible to live with this thing for a long time. That may seem like doomsday to anybody with under a year but I bring it as good news. This thing isn't going to hurt you or make your life unlivable. Challenging...but its perfectly doable.
My story is a lot like most people on here, used to be a bit of a pothead in high school, smoked weed one night and had a massive panic attack. Went to bed and woke up with the lens over my eyes and mind. I researched frantically about what was wrong and what I can do to get rid of it. And like you all know, we find that there isn't a lot of research or information into it. I lived on this forum for months just trying to get anything out of it. The support was much needed but I wasn't making any real progress into getting better.
What I did learn is that what we have happening to us is a defense mechanism of the brain as a result of trauma. Even if the triggering event was merely in the mind. For what I imagine to be the majority of us it goes away in a relatively short amount of time. For the unlucky rest, our brain wants to protect us from either future trauma or still interprets a present threat. The thing both groups have to accept is that this is our brain and nervous system working as planned. Which is hard when you just want to experience life back on baseline.
My experience is with the latter group though. Those that the advice of "just live your life and forget about it" doesn't really work. I had months and even years of not thinking about DPDR one time. Infact I forgot about this disorder so much that when I wanted to get my health back on track after near drinking myself to death I was convinced my spaced out feeling was with a food intolerance or blood sugar issue. I had completely forgot about this whole part of my life until it came roaring back to me and it all made sense again. But there I was, still at square one.
I'm writing this as someone who hasn't taken care of themselves. I drank everyday, had sleep problems, ate high octane crap and never exercised. I worked in a career I hated and spent my free time glued to the internet in my apartment by myself. Is that why I have had it this long? I don't think so. Did it make my day to day experience way worse? Of course. I can now reflect on the past decade as dealing with my mental health in all the worst ways. Because I don't want to have mental health problems. I want to be a normal person. What I need to come back to center with is that I have a new normal. People with mental illness can't live the way I have been.
I know that sobriety (including caffeine and nicotine), a consistent sleep schedule, healthy diet and exercise are necessary. These do not solve the problem though. They make life with this disorder much more bearable. I view DPDR like a lens over my life. When I don't take proactive measures the lens gets fogged up. When I establish and dedicate myself to the better routines the periphery problems diminish. I can see the DPDR much more clearly if that makes any sense. I can also see my mental health for what it is. My anxiety and depression actually has feeling and weight to it when I'm trying to get better which is intimidating but necessary for closure.
I can ruminate and try and guess why I have been in this state for so long, but It won't do me much good. I've recommitted myself to finally beating this though. I may need therapy, I may need to try out medication. I'm well past the "normal brain defense" system and realize I'm going to need to put in some serious work. I need to get my life back. If anyone has any resources that may have popped up in the past couple of years Id really like to dive into them. I've seen certain medications and techniques that may be promising. If I have learned anything the past 10 years its that I know nothing. Thank you for listening.
My story is a lot like most people on here, used to be a bit of a pothead in high school, smoked weed one night and had a massive panic attack. Went to bed and woke up with the lens over my eyes and mind. I researched frantically about what was wrong and what I can do to get rid of it. And like you all know, we find that there isn't a lot of research or information into it. I lived on this forum for months just trying to get anything out of it. The support was much needed but I wasn't making any real progress into getting better.
What I did learn is that what we have happening to us is a defense mechanism of the brain as a result of trauma. Even if the triggering event was merely in the mind. For what I imagine to be the majority of us it goes away in a relatively short amount of time. For the unlucky rest, our brain wants to protect us from either future trauma or still interprets a present threat. The thing both groups have to accept is that this is our brain and nervous system working as planned. Which is hard when you just want to experience life back on baseline.
My experience is with the latter group though. Those that the advice of "just live your life and forget about it" doesn't really work. I had months and even years of not thinking about DPDR one time. Infact I forgot about this disorder so much that when I wanted to get my health back on track after near drinking myself to death I was convinced my spaced out feeling was with a food intolerance or blood sugar issue. I had completely forgot about this whole part of my life until it came roaring back to me and it all made sense again. But there I was, still at square one.
I'm writing this as someone who hasn't taken care of themselves. I drank everyday, had sleep problems, ate high octane crap and never exercised. I worked in a career I hated and spent my free time glued to the internet in my apartment by myself. Is that why I have had it this long? I don't think so. Did it make my day to day experience way worse? Of course. I can now reflect on the past decade as dealing with my mental health in all the worst ways. Because I don't want to have mental health problems. I want to be a normal person. What I need to come back to center with is that I have a new normal. People with mental illness can't live the way I have been.
I know that sobriety (including caffeine and nicotine), a consistent sleep schedule, healthy diet and exercise are necessary. These do not solve the problem though. They make life with this disorder much more bearable. I view DPDR like a lens over my life. When I don't take proactive measures the lens gets fogged up. When I establish and dedicate myself to the better routines the periphery problems diminish. I can see the DPDR much more clearly if that makes any sense. I can also see my mental health for what it is. My anxiety and depression actually has feeling and weight to it when I'm trying to get better which is intimidating but necessary for closure.
I can ruminate and try and guess why I have been in this state for so long, but It won't do me much good. I've recommitted myself to finally beating this though. I may need therapy, I may need to try out medication. I'm well past the "normal brain defense" system and realize I'm going to need to put in some serious work. I need to get my life back. If anyone has any resources that may have popped up in the past couple of years Id really like to dive into them. I've seen certain medications and techniques that may be promising. If I have learned anything the past 10 years its that I know nothing. Thank you for listening.
