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Surfer Rosa

Member Since 26 Nov 2015
Offline Last Active May 24 2019 04:41 PM

#469393 Recognition of oneself in the mirror

Posted by Surfer Rosa on 16 June 2017 - 04:29 PM

It's got to be some level neurological dysfunction. That's what depression, excessive anxiety, psychosis etc. is. That's what depersonalization is. I remember being startled by my reflection, as if someone else had just walked into the room. I remember talking and thinking, where is this voice coming from?

#469385 Lamotrigine (Lamictal) 50-200mg (Stanford Article, Success, Etc.)

Posted by Surfer Rosa on 16 June 2017 - 04:09 PM

I've meant to come back to this thread but have been busy. I was mistaken saying I had tried Lamictal. It was Buspar. Anyway I worked my way up to 100mg of Lamictal and can relate to your statement about if the sleep is regular then it's slightly decreased. That's pretty much the same with me. 


Glad that it's at least helping some for you.


I think it takes a month or two for our thoughts to adjust and catch up with the change in mental state. I was still doing a lot of pointless existential and metaphysical pondering in the first few weeks. After I started focusing on life improvement, the thoughts became healthier and more normal.


You really need to take the best possible care of yourself, on top of all this.



Yeah, I tried Buspar. That's an interesting choice if you buy into the whole brain soup theory of mental illness. Some people are serotonin deficient no matter what is going on. I like that Buspar has a very low side effect profile. Personally, I didn't really notice being on it, except maybe a bit of tiredness, but that could have just been relaxation.

#469289 Lamotrigine (Lamictal) 50-200mg (Stanford Article, Success, Etc.)

Posted by Surfer Rosa on 16 June 2017 - 01:54 AM

200mg is coming up next.


My psychiatrists and I generally recommend going up very slowly.

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#469281 DPSelfHelp Endgame

Posted by Surfer Rosa on 16 June 2017 - 01:45 AM

First and most importantly, I have had treatment success, and want to share this information with you. Go check out Lamotrigine (Lamictal) 50-200mg (Stanford Article, Success, Etc.)​ at http://www.dpselfhel...le-success-etc/, or just click on the link in my signature.



With mental health awareness rising and breaking into the mainstream, support for these disorders is rising. For me, personally, going to an online forum to seek help is no longer necessary. If you are willing to take the time (sometimes an extraordinary amount of time, maybe even relocating), there are professionals out there who can help you. That being said, DPSelfHelp has been the best straight-up web forum for fiding support. You guys formed an amazing support community, directed not only at the creators of the site, but its numerous kind and helpful members.


You're all very present for and supportive of each other through recovery and management of depersonalization along with various other mental issues. The team fostered something really great here, for so many years. Even after the change in management, DPSelfHelp is still going strong as a support tool, and that is very admirable.


I believe in shedding your skin and moving on when it becomes necessary, not only for my account but for the future of depersonalization awareness and peer support. We need to be constantly changing and adapting to survive. Still, DPSelfHelp's counterparts have their issues, namely being subforums of overly trendy, highly populated sites such as PsychForums, Facebook and Reddit. There is clearly a hole to be filled. If one group doesn't succeed at fostering a support community, I firmly believe that another will. It might take many years to iron this sort of thing out, but it looks like depersonalization is pretty intrinsic to humans (at least), and won't be eradicated anytime soon.


We can make it through these times, even when it feels like we're going crazy. Those of you who are seniors to episodes of severe depersonalization, many props to you for having the strength to keep on. Also, much respect to those who put in the work and have the cards in their favor to make a speedy and full recovery, because that is equally impressive. You are all great, thanks for being here, and best of luck to you.


I'll probably see you down the line.





Anyone struggling can still PM me, because I'll be getting email alerts.

​Raising awareness of this thread and the Lamotrigine will be an ongoing effort, since it encapsulates what little I have learned about depersonalization and how to treat it.


Also, apologies for any posts that seem scattered, rambling and somewhat nonsensical. Hopefully these threads are very focused, easy to digest and concise.


Bye to any familiar faces. You will be missed.









#469273 Lamotrigine (Lamictal) 50-200mg (Stanford Article, Success, Etc.)

Posted by Surfer Rosa on 16 June 2017 - 12:57 AM

Reporting back after getting up to 150mg. If my sleep is regular, the depersonalization is significantly decreased. The depersonalized feelings are slighter and less obvious. Sometimes the depersonalization symptoms are hard to differentiate between simple tiredness and difficulty paying attention. That being said, the feelings of "reality" have not fully returned. I have made major lifestyle improvements again, as well.


Once again, it is unclear whether or not these changes are due to the meds.

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#461714 I can't imagine things?

Posted by Surfer Rosa on 22 May 2017 - 12:20 AM

Yeah I have this syptom. Avoid using words like "can't" though. If you manage to de-stress, your symptoms might decrease a lot.

#459994 Why does NO ONE have this symptom i have

Posted by Surfer Rosa on 15 May 2017 - 11:44 PM

Everyone dissociates when they're listening to music or looking at a laptop. They become so absorbed in their activity that they aren't absorbed in what's going on around them. You're just painfully aware of it now that you suffer from a depersonalization episode or disorder. It might even be a trigger of sorts for your depersonalization, which is very common. Most people have triggers that affect their mental health. It's important to recognize them. I use headphones on purpose to dissociate during bus rides and boring housework, but you might want to try something like meditation or a physical activity instead. to help increase your awareness.

#458594 Do you enjoy music, activities, etc?

Posted by Surfer Rosa on 11 May 2017 - 04:54 PM

Certain acitivites, like sex, music and eating very much help me feel alive. I seem to enjoy them, although I am very disconnected from myself. All in all, I agree with you - it's very hard to stop and smell the roses with depersonalization. Still, doing activities is worth the effort. It's still a lot better than sitting around and doing nothing. I used to be able to appreciate the small things, but now, not so much. Oh well. Keep fighting.

#458586 Turning to alcohol?

Posted by Surfer Rosa on 11 May 2017 - 04:47 PM

Same here. The alcohol doesn't make the depersonalization any better, but it makes my feeling stronger. What has eventually come of this "not feeling anything" is a whole lot of boredom. Regardless, drinking is aboslutely ​no way ​for a person to achieve their goals. I'll buy it in smaller quantities from now on, just something to take to the bar with me in order to save money.


A few important thinkers have said that alcohol is similar to opiates, in that it helps bad situations feel okay, and makes a person less likely to actually improve their situation.

​Maybe the relevance of alcohol in the DPSH community is a coincidence, but I think that a lot of people lately feel like their problems are immovable, and that they have to turn to drugs. I say, DP'd or not, turning to drugs is never a necessity. There are always other approaches. I wish you the best, Liam, and I know you can get through this. Godspeed.

#457338 Not Convinced Full Recovery is Possible

Posted by Surfer Rosa on 08 May 2017 - 05:46 PM

I believe a large volume of depersonalised people do recover if they have the condition as a by-product of anxiety.
I believe it can only be permanent if you have an insufficient temporal lobe or any head injuries that may be blocking serotonin levels.

I have spoken to the research unit from kings college, they told me that most people do recover and permanent cases are odd and rare.

The thing about recovery is that once you're recovered you don't notice that you are recovered at the start, I remember spending all my day studying for an exam and I got in bed and noticed I have not thought about depersonalisation or felt it the whole day. Ever since then I don't think about depersonalisation outside of this forum.

Its a mental addiction many of us are obsessive people In general so our minds latch on to whatever it finds amusing, so yeah you do cause your own misery from your own constant wondering.

Does not focusing on the problem mean it's not there anymore?

#457002 Not Convinced Full Recovery is Possible

Posted by Surfer Rosa on 07 May 2017 - 05:31 PM

So far there's only hearsay. I'm a skeptic - I don't appreciate the lack of research into depersonalization, and I don't trust the people claiming to be specialists who can "cure" you. Some disorders like panic disorder resolve completely. Others, like depressive disorder, never seem to go away entirely.

Maybe the conditions for total recovery are rarely met, because they involve lots of money and/or the cooperation and goodness of so many people. I would believe that. The sympyoms get worse under no-sleep, stressful conditions, so maybe in a perfect world they would just go away.

#456786 Having trouble understanding people

Posted by Surfer Rosa on 06 May 2017 - 06:44 PM

All the kings horses and all the kings men can't exactly figure out how the human mind works, so the fact that other people are perplexing is not too surprising. For me, it's almost always a symptom of loneliness, being out of sync with literally everyone. "People are strange, when you're a stranger." Remember that song?

#424986 Neurologist suggested an autoimmune connection

Posted by Surfer Rosa on 05 February 2017 - 08:06 PM

I agree with RPJ that this is a condition we're suffering from, not an episode of House. Maybe DP is caused by autoimmune, and maybe it's caused by fairies. If we're going to have a reasonable, worthwhile conversation about the causes of this condition (as if we're doctors or biologists), we need to have a scientific one. You can't just assert something by saying "obviously" and then expect it to be taken as a fact. Many people on this forum are in a sate of desperation and suggestibility, like RPJ said, and this thread could be damaging to them.


That being said, Jeff is also right. We need to act like adults and refrain from making personal attacks. Try to empathize with the OP a little bit here. He has gone astray on these street drugs, has had persistent hallucinations, and suffers from DP just like we all do. He's trying to figure this out for himself, and he can be corrected without being attacked on a personal level. I'm not the boss here, but failing to pull punches like you did there seems like reasonable grounds for a ban. This is one of the only safe and productive places to talk about DP. Lets keep it that way.

#423658 Sorry to Say... (Be Careful)

Posted by Surfer Rosa on 02 February 2017 - 10:06 AM

It's important for me to stay out of this "everyone is bad" delusion. the truth is that you do have to be careful, but it's worth the risk of going out, because there are some great people out there - at the same time as there are baddies.

#423274 Sorry to Say... (Be Careful)

Posted by Surfer Rosa on 01 February 2017 - 06:35 PM

Most people do not care that you have depersonalization. Many people will peck at you and manipulate you all the same. It's typical, and few know the horrors of this disorder. So, be weary. If your own mother and father don't understand or care about the disorder (I hear this a lot from our forums), do you think some bastard with bad plans for you will? No.