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Member Since 01 Nov 2015
Offline Last Active Oct 27 2018 06:24 PM

#571346 Does this stop?

Posted by esiuol on 18 April 2018 - 01:57 PM

And when you don't feel anything at all you're doomed? I can't feel anxiety anymore..

I know this was a month ago, but I just wanted to reply.

For the longest time I felt emotionally numb and it was one of the worst things. It was so bad that, like you, I was even wishing for anxiety just so I could feel SOMETHING.

I cannot say what helped me get over this, I really don't remember, but just know that I did. I just accepted that it was how I felt (or didn't feel, in this case) and that I couldn't do anything about it. I just continued doing normal things and eventually I guess I just slowly started to feel again. Try not to despair, I know it's truly awful, but believing you'll never get better really does make it worse.

Lastly: we're human, it's impossible for us to go through life unfeeling. It's just your body being under so much stress and having too many emotions that it finally goes "right! I'm feeling too much and I can't handle it anymore, so I'm just not gonna feel anything!" Be patient cause it will pass. Take it from someone who has been through it!

#536258 Existentialism

Posted by esiuol on 24 December 2017 - 10:02 AM


I've had DP/DR since 2015 and whilst the physical symptoms have gone and I do feel more connections to people, I still get existential questions.

My question is: how can I be at peace with them? I know there's not answer to them and I have to accept that, but how? Has anyone else who had the existential questions got past this? I just wanna feel sure of the world and my reality again. I don't wanna be constantly questioning for everything I do is pointless cause the world might have not be real. How can I feel like my world is real and meaningful again?


#515370 The thing I can't get past

Posted by esiuol on 27 October 2017 - 07:04 PM

Had DP/DR for 3 years. Biggest problem is existentialism. I know that if I just ignore the questions, I won't feel anxious and that really works for while, but it doesn't solve the problem. I don't want to just ignore it, I want to be certain of the world again, I don't wanna be scared when I get these thoughts anymore. I wanna be able to believe they're just nonsense and be sure of my existence.

How do I do that? It's been 3 years and I'm still uncertain of my existence.

#466146 Is this emotional numbness?

Posted by esiuol on 06 June 2017 - 10:47 AM


I've had dp/dr since 2015. It's a lot better since then, I don't get panic attacks or freak out over reality. One thing I haven't had in a long time is emotional numbness but I think I may have that again? I've had it before but whatever I'm going thought now doesn't feel like it did then, ,but it feels similar.

Basically one day I realised I just wasn't feeling very much. I don't feel numb, but I don't really feel anything either. I feel like my personality has gone and I'm just kind of on auto-pilot but I'm still aware of he decisions I'm making so it's not like a brain fog. It's like I just don't care? I don't know if t emotional numbness or I just don't care about anything anymore and I hate it. I would rather it be numbness because that is something I can come back from. I feel as if I can tell connect to the meanings of things. For example, some one may live their hometown, and logically I can understand it but I can't connect with the feeling. I feel like all my dp/dr has come down to this point and that this is the finish line. Like I've finally passed a test a realised nothing matters and this is me now. Nothing has any meaning, I can't feel emotions, and nothing and no one means anything to me. I don't even know if this is dp/dr or just my personality now. I truly feel as if I will not be able to go back from this.

Can anyone relate?

#380155 DP/DR and religion

Posted by esiuol on 09 October 2016 - 07:49 PM

If God does exist (and I really dont know if he/she does) all he/she wants from us is to be decent people and live as best we can without hurting others....


If you were to live strictly by the teachings of most religions you would just live in constant fear...Fear of making mistakes!!! Bet that sounds familiar to all us DP/OCD sufferers!!!


This is kinda why I took this spiral. I already had DP/DR and that made me question religion. The more I question, the more bizarre the concept seems to me. I never believed the stories in the Bible, but I never really thought about them before and when I did it just seems so weird to me. 


I think even if there is a God why should we have to live by their rules? Humans have to earn respect and I don't follow blindly what people say, so why would I do that with a God?


It just freaks me out because even though I was always so unsure of whether there was a God there was always the possibility in my head that there is but now... there just isn't anymore. I spent my whole like feeling like that and now I suddenly feel like there's nothing so I think you can see why I'm freaking out haha.

#373471 The aftermath

Posted by esiuol on 12 June 2016 - 07:43 PM



So I started suffering with DP/DR about a year ago and I think it was because of constant overthinking (because of my OCD) and that was causing me to get anxious which in result caused me to feel numb. Anyway, I suffered for around a year and now I think I'm over the worst part but I still feel kind of... flat? I do get happy and sad but I don't feel it very deeply. Most of the time I'm just... here.


Whenever I think about DP/DR I just feel like although I don't get the panic that comes with it anymore, I still have it and I don't know what to do. I still feel like the world could be fake and I know I will never find an answer to that and I feel like I won't ever truly be satisfied with my life now. I've just let it happen and tried to just let it pass, like everyone says to, but I feel like this is my final stop and that this is how my life will be forever now. Like I will never recover from DP/DR. I'm dissatisfied with my outlook on the world now because what's the point? What's the point of creating meaningful relationships and seeking out new experiences if none of it is real? I have these thoughts occasionally and also did before when DP/DR was bad, but the difference is that before it would send me into and anxious state and now I'm just defeated by these thoughts and worn down and desensitised by them. 


Any advice on how to move forward and live my life and trust that I AM here and that I am REAL?


Thank you!

#370123 Not caring

Posted by esiuol on 23 April 2016 - 07:13 PM



So ever since I started suffering with DP/DR (since about May 2015) I feel like I don't care? I, like a lot of people, had emotional numbness in the beginning but then it got slightly better. Overall I guess DP/DR has gotten better in the sense that I deal with it better, it doesn't freak me out or make me anxious, but it's still slightly there. I hardly think about it now but when I do it's just like "Oh right, the world might now be real, I remember) and I basically feel sort of... flat


When I say I feel 'flat' what I mean is like I'm unaffected by most things. I can get annoyed and happy and sad but not very deeply. I have felt REALLY happy or REALLY sad in so long and I honestly miss it. Not feeling sad is the worst because things have happened in my life that I wanna get upset about, I wanna bawl, things that should make me cry, but I just don't feel affected. I feel like a straight line, no ups or downs and when I do feel something it is very muted. It doesn't feel the same as emotional numbness, it just feels like I do not care which I think is actually one of the things stopping my anixety, which sounds good but if this is the cost then I would gladly take back the anxiety. 


Has anyone else experienced anything similar? 

#361403 Not even sure if I still have this?

Posted by esiuol on 03 December 2015 - 09:08 PM



I'm Esiuol and I've had DP/DR for about 6 months, I'd say. When I first had it it really freaked me out and cause me to have anxiety attacks and feel very scared, but now that I've had it for such a long time I barely even notice, but I do think about it it's like "Oh, still there"


I don't really notice it so much anymore, but I do think about it at least like once a day for a couple minutes. The existential questions were the worst and in the beginning they almost ruined me, now I still get them and they still freak me out but not as much. I know the key to getting over it is to ignore and I am doing for the most part, but it's still just... always there.


I'm looking for help with this stuff:


Existential questions (I know there are no answers but like how am I supposed to be satisfied with that? If you have suffered from this and have gotten past it please let me know how!)


Relationships (Really felt disconnected from my family at first but now it's a bit better, but I still feel like I'm not really connected to them and that upsets me cause they're my family and I love them) 


Not knowing who I am (Again, this was worse in the beginning but now I'm so used to it that it doesn't bother me as much, but it's still there and I want to actually feel like a person again)


Feel connected to ANYTHING (DP/DR makes me feels like I don't care about ANYTHING at all)


Feel like there's meaning (DP/DR literally makes me question EVERYTHING and I just end up feeling like nothing in the world makes any sense and it makes me feel like everything we do is pointless)


Really, really appreciate any answers and would like to your stories if you have suffered fro many of these things and recovered fully. 


Thank you!