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Member Since 08 Oct 2015
Offline Last Active Jul 03 2020 01:47 AM

Topics I've Started

Klonopin withdrawal is kicking my ass

25 July 2018 - 12:58 PM

Well I ran out of klonopin about 10 days ago now and have gone cold turkey since then after being on it for 3 years. I figured it was about time to give it up after my psychiatrist had been making noises along those lines not too long ago. Unfortunately I am experiencing some pretty bad withdrawals: nausea, insomnia, racing thoughts, lightheadedness, headaches, dizziness etc. I was expecting them, so it's not really a huge deal as such, but it is making life a little difficult.

Anyone been through this, or have any tips for what I can do to get through it more easily? I have read that the worst of it should subside after a couple weeks, but I am still expecting some sporadic setbacks.

I have POTS and sleep apnea

17 July 2018 - 10:42 AM

Well I haven't posted meaningfully in some time. I suppose I was feeling disillusioned with this whole thing, like I was never going to live a normal life. I had nothing to report and no improvements or tips to share so I didn't really see the point in contributing anymore.

In any case, after suffering what felt like a heart attack yesterday afternoon, I was taken to the emergency room. My heart rate was 170+ after just a few games of bowling. My face and chest were tight and numb, and I was experiencing body-wide spasms. I was delirious and had difficulty speaking, so my girlfriend drove me to the hospital straight from the bowling alley. I had no idea what was going on, but I was terrified. It felt like a heart attack, stroke and seizure in one.

Turns out, none of those things happened, but I did get my heart into an abnormally fast rhythm and then had a panic attack because of it. Once I stabilized they ran some blood tests and did some orthostatic testing (where your heart rate is measured sitting/standing/laying). Every time, my BPM would go from 60 at rest to 100-110 immediately upon standing. This is apparently indicative of POTS, which causes these types of symptoms:


It should be noted here that numbers 1, 3, 5, 6, 8, 11 (and yesterday, 12) have comprised the bulk of my symptoms over the last 4 years.

The doctor mentioned that in my case, he also suspects sleep apnea - this is when my girlfriend piped up and said she has noticed that I sometimes stop breathing and kind of convulse a little when asleep.

I now have some further cardiology-related tests scheduled, as well as a proper sleep study, but so far it's looking like these two conditions are responsible for my symptoms. It all makes a lot of sense, as most of my issues are related to DR, such as spaciness/brain fog/an unreal feeling, wooziness when standing or walking around, and basically feeling exhausted 24/7.

So despite a bad day, I feel some hope for the future, with possible treatments and hopefully some major improvements. I am hoping to get this all figured out at long last, and finally be able to put this horrible chapter of my life to bed.

I still can't believe all this was missed by previous checkups, but there you go. None of this showed on an EKG or heart ultrasound.

To all of you still suffering - keep looking for answers, research mind and body fully, and keep consulting doctors and other professionals who you feel may be able to help. If you're not satisfied with your answers, find another doctor. Get a second or third opinion. Don't be fobbed off or told you're crazy. You may have something very real making you feel this way.

Just shoot me

10 October 2017 - 10:48 AM

God what a horrible night. I had to attend a social event last night, something I very rarely do these days since I've been such a recluse since severe DP kicked in. Feeling as rusty as I did I figured it wouldn't be a big deal if I knocked back a few drinks beforehand, which I also hadn't done in a while. Big mistake. The party itself was fine, but once I sobered up a little and went to bed I started having overwhelming anxiety. It felt like the booze had cancelled out all the anti-anxiety effects of my meds, which was really shitty because my anxiety had been very much under control til that point. I've stabilized again somewhat now, but laying there all night, freaking out and crying made me realize just how much grief and fear there is underneath all the pills and the cigarettes and the caffeine and whatever else I generally load up on. I never want to go through that again.


I guess hopefully this can serve as a cautionary tale - if you're on meds, definitely don't drink or smoke weed or anything else that can mess with your brain chemicals. You can get really sick and wind up in the hospital due to a bad interaction or else come down with some out of this world anxiety. 0/10 would not recommend.

My heart is acting up

27 September 2017 - 04:48 PM

So I fainted again last night. I was unresponsive on the living room floor for two minutes according to my girlfriend. This happened after a couple of days of feeling out of breath constantly, along with a very irregular pulse that's been sky high at times, lately even moreso than normal.


I had been noticing for the past couple years that my heart rate jumps upon standing, and that it goes up pretty high even when performing only very minor tasks, but the last couple of days have been extreme. I climbed the 12 or so steps to my second floor apartment last night and my pulse went to 160 BPM. I passed out soon afterwards.


Once I came to, my girlfriend insisted I go to the Emergency Room. I really didn't want to, so I just shrugged it off and went to bed. But this morning I felt breathless (with a high pulse again) so I went to the hospital but changed my mind and signed myself out before I was seen. I'm really divided on what to do. I don't have insurance, so the financial side would wipe me out, but on the other hand, if this is serious (and causing/exacerbating my DPDR) then I absolutely need to get it checked out.


So I'm really not sure what to do. I've stopped smoking and am just trying to take it easy without taxing my heart, but I'm a little worried that it's so quick to jump to dangerously high levels. I've lived a very sedentary life for the past few years so I do feel like I'm playing with fire by postponing possible treatment, but it's the DP that's held me back so much. I'm also still paying off medical debt from 2015 ($3k to go). I'm really depressed about that, especially since I had hoped those tests would give me a medical/physiological reason for my DPDR, but turned up nothing.


I guess the obvious answer is to just get seen and screw the cost. I have been feeling extra spaced out and exhausted lately along with the heart rate issues. I mean, I know something's going on. I'm out of breath walking, talking, eating, anything. I just feel so aggravated that I'll be up to my neck in more debt and no guarantee regarding answers or feeling better. 

Haven't left the house in a week

31 August 2017 - 07:50 PM

I can't bring myself to do anything or go anywhere. The exhaustion I feel every day is overwhelming. My head is always spinning and I feel totally drunk and off balance all the time. My entire existence is like I've just done shots after running a marathon, except obviously without any of the euphoria.


I've only managed to get my anxiety under control with meds, but beyond that, my progress has been zero. I'm still incredibly foggy, fatigued and spaced out. I can't enjoy anything anymore, because nothing feels the same as it once did. This sensation is a nightmare, and then to think I've had it almost 3.5 years now, 24/7. I try not to dwell on that fact, but it hits me from time to time and I can't believe I've lasted this long. I can't see the point in this meager existence if nothing changes. I can't even just sit and read a book because my brain doesn't work. I can't learn, I can't absorb anything, I can't work, I can't exercise, and even "leisure" activities feel like a chore because they either require some form of energy (which I don't have) and/or some type of concentration (which is totally shot thanks to DPDR). 


I feel like a vegetable. If I lay down and lean my head back, everything starts swirling and my mind feels like it's made out of jelly. It's as if it's racing, but with nothing concrete. It's like there's just static or cotton wool up there. From what little I can figure out, it's either daydreaming or totally abstract thinking all the time, but I can't access it properly - it feels sealed off somehow, like my mind is on a permanent vacation. To top it off, my memory, especially short term recall, is just horrendous.


But as usual, there is no solution or clear path forward, so I will continue to muddle on. What a life.