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Member Since 08 Oct 2015
Offline Last Active Jul 03 2020 01:47 AM

#587436 Girlfriend suffers and broke up!

Posted by Chicane on 24 July 2018 - 04:52 PM

I think the best thing you can do is cut her loose and give her a clean break, for two reasons. Firstly, feeling that abrupt loss on her end might trigger the emotional response needed for her to recognize that she made a mistake (dumping you).


If that doesn't pan out, you can at least have a fresh start without that heartbreaking feeling of wanting her back but never quite being able to have her because you're "just friends." 


Give her the gift of missing you, let her existing (girl)friends be her friends, then see where that takes you. Tough situation though, my sympathies.

#555058 Rage

Posted by Chicane on 13 February 2018 - 05:42 PM

I'm like this to some degree, but more in terms of everyday snapping at people/general frustration. I have a very short fuse and go off on people all the time. I always catch myself doing it halfway through my rants too, and then I think "just chill the fuck out" but it's always something I really have to force. DP has made me kind of "life tired" I think. If every day is an irritating struggle then I think it makes sense that we're always sort of worn down and ready to blow up.

#548474 I'm ready.

Posted by Chicane on 24 January 2018 - 04:17 PM

Good for you, glad you feel ready to move on.


When I was younger, relationships took everything out of me. For a young man I was always far more invested than any of my peers. When those relationships ended, I would feel absolutely decimated on the inside. So it's not surprising it takes certain others a long time to forget the past too. Some people are never able to put a given relationship behind them. So don't beat yourself up about taking as long as you needed. I would instead see it as a good thing you're capable of such emotion.


Some of us "feel too much" in a way though, I think. That can probably hurt our chances of a quick recovery. The flip side is that when you're ready, you're able to give in a way that few others can. 


Wishing you all the best.

#529066 Does the news feel fake to u?

Posted by Chicane on 02 December 2017 - 03:27 PM

I think with DP it's very common to feel a disconnect from reality in general, but add to that how media and politics etc are so incredibly manipulated - likely way more than most people realize - and you have a recipe for a totally surreal existence. 


I feel what OP is describing daily. I feel like I live in a world that is both removed from the one I occupy, but I also inherently sense how fake it all is. I don't believe for a second that Trump being president was an accident, for instance. Take a look at the last two Republican presidents - Drumpf and George Bush Jr. Arguably the two least fit people in the entire nation to run it, and yet they get into office. I think their goal was to serve as a type of nail in the coffin for the establishment, to disenfranchise the straight white male and to introduce anarchy. Trump is there to make a mockery and an example of the right - to make everyone point to it and say "we don't want that." It's all orchestrated.


We live in a world that is trying to tear apart any cultural heritage or identity, skew family dynamics irreparably and introduce a totalitarian existence of tyranny along with the death of free speech - and we all police each other through social media to ensure it's enforced. All this under the guise of tolerance, of course - political correctness and mass uncontrolled immigration. Europe is being decimated and nobody gives a shit. It's a terrifying world. Oh, and like I said, a fake one. I'll be damned if I ever raise kids in it.

#526442 Explain DP

Posted by Chicane on 25 November 2017 - 10:27 AM

It will vary for everyone to some degree.


For me it's a constant sensation of feeling drunk/drugged. I feel like I am removed from my body and mind. I can't properly process time, distance or my surroundings the way I used to. I have greatly impaired memory and concentration. I'm always tired and feel like I'm off-balance. My mind is forever wandering and never in the present moment. I can't focus on things properly, and can't absorb information such as reading long passages of text or following everyday conversations. I'm so absent-minded that I can say something and literally seconds later forget what I just said. If I go outside for a cigarette, I will come back in and don't really remember any of it happening. It's as if I am blacking out all throughout the day, and that life is just passing me by. Daily activities are difficult and even leisurely things don't feel the same. Walking around and doing basic things like going to the store are very draining, because I'm just sort of bumbling around in a fatigued, semi-dizzy state while my surroundings feel like an unfamiliar blur. It's as if I've been hit with a never-ending tranquilizer dart. Along with this, I developed what I call jelly legs, and have occasionally even gone through my knees, and have also passed out a couple of times.


My vision tends to swim, and I am prone to sensory overload when simply going to places like the supermarket and seeing all the various products lined up in the aisles, because my senses just perceive huge swaths of color and things I can't fully process. My sense of time is all off. I often lose time, and have no idea where certain hours/days/weeks went. I don't have a firm grasp of a chronology of events in my life. Something that happened earlier in the day will feel like it was a week ago - if I even remember it at all. Something that felt like it happened a week ago could've happened a month ago for all I know. It feels like I have a certain form of dementia, although logically I know I don't. However, I often worry that this is a precursor to it, because of how impaired I feel.


Heat, stress, physical overexertion, walking on uneven surfaces, fluorescent lighting and busy places with lots of people seem to exacerbate all of the above.


When I first came down with DP, I had excruciating anxiety. Quite simply the worst thing I've ever felt. Terrified and crying all day every day for no good reason. I developed migraines, major insomnia, and huge bouts of soul-crushing OCD as well. At one point I became suicidal and checked myself into hospital. That was when I got referred to an intensive outpatient program. The meds they gave me have kept these particular symptoms at bay, but the rest remain.


Ultimately I still don't understand this condition and struggle with it 24/7 as the symptoms I described in the first two paragraphs are constant and have been for years now. I don't understand the processes that are causing me to feel this way, and the lack of knowledge from anyone else regarding this condition is perhaps scariest of all. 

#524274 This condition is beyond being just horrible. There is no adjective out there...

Posted by Chicane on 19 November 2017 - 03:17 PM

Being dead while alive is the best way I can think to describe it. Nothing is the same, and everything feels forever changed. Life is hard enough even at 100% health.

#524226 Anyone feel way more out of it when they drink?

Posted by Chicane on 19 November 2017 - 01:41 PM

Alcohol can be something of a disaster with DP because it interferes with our brain chemistry so much. What I've learned with DP so far is that if you're going through a period of coping relatively well, don't rock the boat. It's a delicate balance of brain chemicals that are allowing you to sort of basically function and get through the day. But alcohol is like a bulldozer in that regard - it comes in and fucks everything up. This is especially true if you're on any kind of medication. Those meds are working to ensure you can walk that tightrope of sanity, and alcohol can either interact badly with them (ie. cause a physical reaction that can even put you in the hospital) or else cancel out the effect of your meds so that you're basically back to being a trembling wreck, crippled with anxiety all over again.


I miss alcohol, and the way it used to make me feel, just like I miss the old me. But the few times I have tried to combine DP/meds/alcohol I have regretted it every time. I guess there's no going back at this stage.

#522618 Positive news!

Posted by Chicane on 15 November 2017 - 04:11 PM

That's great that you've personally heard back from all those thousands of members and can vouch for their recovery.

#522610 Live your life!!!!

Posted by Chicane on 15 November 2017 - 04:03 PM

The problem is that for the majority of doctors and therapists, statements like "this is reversible" is just rhetoric. I mean, of course it's possible to reverse this, but I feel there is so much more chance involved that they would like to admit.


I also believe there is a certain type of placebo effect at work when it comes to attempts to recover from DP. Some people become motivated to make changes in their life once they develop it. They will say things like "I'm going to get out there, eat healthier, exercise, meditate, etc" and that may work to some degree, because in that person's mind, they're making better choices so of course it's only logical that they feel better. And yet some part of me doesn't buy it. What happens when the motivation flags? When another stressor pops up? People are then so often back at square one.


It seems like an endless fight just to keep the worst symptoms at bay, without any real understanding or treatment plan geared towards DP specifically. Part of me just can't believe that so many people can develop something like this and all the while there is no viable cure. Instead, we seem to have been fed this catch-all mentality of "if we just make better choices everywhere, we're bound to see some improvement somewhere" whereas in many instances, that simply doesn't work. And even if it does, isn't that like renovating your entire house just to fix a leaky tap?


Again, I say it's time for the psych world to step up. Aren't there any professionals out there reading this who can help or spread the word in some way? We have people on here offing themselves for God's sake.

#521618 List 5 facts about yourself :)

Posted by Chicane on 12 November 2017 - 07:15 PM

1) I am addicted to pizza.
2) I speak three languages fluently.
3) I am left handed, green eyed and 6'5'' so genetically I am pretty unusual, I guess.
4) I am twice divorced at the impressive age of just 33.
5) I am deathly afraid of heights and can't go three steps up a ladder without pissing my pants (but oddly have no problems with planes etc).

#521354 Apology

Posted by Chicane on 12 November 2017 - 09:41 AM

Isn't it kind of a given that you can recover though? I mean it's always theoretically possible, but most of us who have dealt with it for years aren't exactly holding out a lot of hope. It's a bit like telling someone with cancer (who is already diagnosed as being terminal) that there is always a slight possibility of recovery, always the chance of a miracle, etc. At that point though, they've more than likely already accepted their fate and aren't open to hearing it. 


Don't get me wrong, I think you came from a good place, but this topic always winds up being so clumsy and divisive that it's rarely worth going into. I probably wouldn't have opened up this thread either, there's a reason it was shut down to begin with.

#520786 When do you think there Will be a cure for dp and dr?

Posted by Chicane on 11 November 2017 - 02:16 PM

I'm not sure the idea of a silver bullet is so crazy. We're making some pretty huge medical breakthroughs these days, and I think it's only a matter of time before things like cortical remapping or the effective rebalancing of brain chemicals becomes routine. Granted I don't think it'll be anytime soon, but we do already have some impressive technology and clinical trials underway. On the surface though, mental health treatment seems stuck in the stone age, there's no doubt about it. I think we were born 50 years too soon.

#520330 DP feels like a big F you

Posted by Chicane on 10 November 2017 - 05:15 PM

I didn’t actually add that picture. I have no idea how it chose to do that but how do I have it removed? I do not want my picture up. That is me and that was taken recently in Greece yes. Couldn’t tell you if it was real. I have no idea what is real anymore. Or who I am.


I have this badly too relating to pictures.


Logically, I know I am me, but only by way of reasoning - the same way I know today is Friday, for instance. But it's not something that resonates with me - there's no real recognition of the person in this photo. I know that my mind could interpret it to be anyone, with a little mental conditioning on my part. 


Do others have this as badly? I am having real problems relating to way I appear to myself. The total emptiness or void when I look in the mirror. The lack of wholeness that I feel. It's terrifying. I don't know how my body is able to function independently of my mind because my mind feels like it is on a permanent vacation.

#519834 DP feels like a big F you

Posted by Chicane on 09 November 2017 - 03:28 PM

DP is the ultimate fuck you. I still can't believe I'm forced to spend all day every day bumbling around in a foggy hell, unable to properly partake in life or enjoy anything. Life has become an endurance test and I simply don't want this for another 50 years. Lately I've been feeling so out of it, totally drunk, drugged and delirious. And yet there's no treatment, no support, no understanding from people. The sheer lack of recognition of this as a condition is by far the worst part. I was so bad the other night, and my girlfriend said "let's take you to the hospital." I said no. Because what am I going to say? My head feels like it's somewhere on Pluto, I can barely stand up, and I feel totally batshit crazy? DP always reminded me of Chinese water torture - it's a kind of slow, horrible torment, but at least torture ends at some point. DP not so much.

#518546 Live your life!!!!

Posted by Chicane on 06 November 2017 - 12:06 PM

Some nice subtle trolling lol. Look, if your symptoms are low grade enough to the point that you can get out and do whatever, by all means, go for it. Nobody wants you or anyone else to sit around and mope. I have no idea where this notion comes from that this forum is just for people who want to wallow in self-pity and refuse to help themselves. The goal is always to do as much as you reasonably can and outside of this board, I'm sure most of us do exactly that. But the truth is, some people have this way worse than you do. Others have it less. DP severity is on a spectrum. The symptoms are slightly different for everyone and they wax and wane at any given time. Do what you can, hope for the best, but don't expect miracles. In all honesty, I would probably also drop a doctor who told me to get out there and "live my life". 

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