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montrealcanadiens1996

Member Since 18 Sep 2015
Offline Last Active Feb 16 2021 12:27 AM
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#626776 Physical numbness anyone?

Posted by montrealcanadiens1996 on 09 November 2020 - 04:48 PM

I have had physical numbness for quite some time now in conjunction with the dp dr symptoms. I find the numbness for me to be widespread throughout my whole body, but its intensity is highest in my facial region. I have had 2 MRIs and an EEG, which showed no Physical or structural abnormalities, so the numbness in itself For me seems to be more psychological in nature. I would still recommend talking to a doctor about this when you have the chance, but the body experiences weird physical symptoms when it’s under stress like you have been. So, don’t worry too much about this as we are  not the only ones with dp dr who have been experiencing this, it most likely is psychological.




#596018 How can i try to live while feeling this way

Posted by montrealcanadiens1996 on 23 January 2019 - 05:45 AM

I know this is an old post but I might as well respond to it because I can definitely relate to all of your physical symptoms and their situational occurrence. I have always suspected autoimmune malfunctions to be the root of these symptoms as I have been diagnosed with chronic inflammation in parts of my body including stomach and joints. However my main lab results all showed my autoimmune functions to be normal. So tbh the cause is a mystery to me, as it can be anxiety and stress causing you to have psychosomatic Symptoms.
This being said the fact that you have recovered already from an episode like this in the past bodes well for you and I really hope you're able to get through this shitty time. If you want to talk more in depth just Pm me.

Good luck


#360663 not sure what is going on..

Posted by montrealcanadiens1996 on 24 November 2015 - 05:21 PM

Rest assured this is a typical DP/DR case. I know this is extremely off putting and uncomfortable and I know it sounds a lot easier than it actually is, but you have to remain positive and not fight it. Just accept it and don't hyperfocus on it because it'll simply worsen. This happened to me too and it was after I smoked weed, it is nothing physical or dangerous, it's just your mind reacting to the marijuana and the trippy and anxiety filled reaction you had to it. With the right mindset you will be able to get through this, be positive and I think it's important for you to maybe talk to someone you trust about this. This is a super uncomfortable situation, but it is nothing physiologically serious and you will go back to being normal, just remember that.


#360403 Has your personality changed with DP/DR?

Posted by montrealcanadiens1996 on 17 November 2015 - 11:54 AM

I definitely feel like this. I don't recognize myself, I feel irritable and get bothered easily, i feel emotionally immature at times.


#360358 Just started a blog called emptymindchronicles.wordpress.com

Posted by montrealcanadiens1996 on 16 November 2015 - 12:16 PM

Awesome I'll definitely check it out.


#359564 DP too or just major depression/anhedonia?

Posted by montrealcanadiens1996 on 31 October 2015 - 01:43 PM

I totally understand what you are going through. In my opinion it is depersonalization. At least that's what I think I have and your symptoms are extremely similar to mine. Not feeling like your voice is yours is a very common symptom of DP/DR and so is anhedonia. I also have never felt the third person symptom but I have read that many people with DP/DR never do. My libido and especially appetite have been greatly affected as I literally have to force feed myself every day. That can be do to stress and depression. The truth is often DP/DR can often cause depression and anxiety disorders as it is extremely difficult when you feel that your mind, your own being, has changed, this in itself can be quite traumatic and definitely can cause added stress and depression. In my case my DP/DR caused me huge amounts of stress, but with time my mind became completely numb to it and I started feeling optionally absent. This was simply a self defense mechanism my mind used to block off the anxiety. As I read in your post you had been suffering from multiple panic attacks. This definitely can explain why you feel emotionally numb. I understand it sucks so much not to feel as your mind tells you you should be feeling, but it is your mind protecting itself. Now, the truth is you do have emotions, they are there, your conscious just does not have access to them. Whatever you do, don't be too hard on yourself when you see you are not reacting to certain situations emotionally as this will just get you more frustrated and you will then focus on what is wrong with you. This will just increase your depression and anxiety and this vicious cycle will perpetuate itself. I hope this helped a little. Stay strong.


#357732 Anyone feel like they got vertigo?

Posted by montrealcanadiens1996 on 20 September 2015 - 12:44 PM

I definitely have eye jerks. Also when I walk into my room, my mind kind of feels distracted which gives me the sensation that it's like unsteady.


#357696 Feeling so numb

Posted by montrealcanadiens1996 on 19 September 2015 - 05:45 PM

Hi, For the past year and a half I have been living with so called depersonalization, anxiety and severe depression. However, I have noted that my symptoms have been progressing and worsening at an alarming rate. I have always been an anxious person ever since I was a little kid. I would have separation anxiety when my parents would leave the house and leave me with the babysitter as I would call them literally 20 times while they were on their date. Since the early age of eight years old, I would have intrusive thoughts that would fuel a high level of anxiety especially towards medical conditions. One of my earliest fears was suffering from a brain tumor even though I was clearly perfectly healthy. I would end up in constant rumination, convincing myself something was wrong with me physically and mentally. I was also plagued by social anxiety, I was so scared that people would find out who I really was, judge me, and therefore shun or ridicule me, thus leaving me in a lonely pit of solitude. The craziest thing was that I was actually a super smart kid in school, extremely athletic and I had a multitude of friends. These thoughts left my sense of confidence completely deteriorated and caused me to be depressed. Now this social and hypochondriac anxiety kind of settled down by the age of fifteen years old for whatever reason. I started enjoying the moment much more and focusing on the positive side of life. Life was not perfect, but not unpleasant either. I started smoking weed and drinking a lot in order to have a good time, I felt I was coming together as a person. After I turned eighteen years old I started to worry about physical illnesses again as I felt weak and kind of sick. I looked up my symptoms and came across lupus which straight away scared me and caused me to have a panic attack. I was convinced I had this disease and was already envisioning the rest of my life with it, causing me to hyper focus on death. A couple days later I had another panic attack when I was almost arrested for a petty crime. The day after that, I smoked some weed and had the weirdest high which caused me to have another panic attack. I went back home sobered up, but still had this weird estrangement to who I was and my surroundings. I did not think too much of it at the time until a huge wave of DP/DR hit me while I was in my car. I felt as if everything around was different, unfamiliar, as if there was something invisible separating my inner self from the outside world. I started freaking out.

I could only sleep with sleeping medication for the next few weeks after that as I was terrified it was a neuro degenerative disease that was damaging my brain. I would have racing thoughts that would fuel my anxiety to the max. I was too scared to go outside and would stay in my dark room all day. Eventually I went to a psychiatrist who diagnosed me with depersonalization. At first I was relieved to see it was nothing life threatening but I felt this disorder progress which raised doubts within the back of mind as I continued thinking that it could be something medical. I went and got an MRI which showed nothing unusually. I got tested for lupus and they found nothing. As time went on my depersonalization became worse, I couldn't concentrate on anything I felt like a robot, my speech sounded funny, I felt like a different person, emotionally I was a lot number, I felt as if things around me felt foreign, I felt like a zombie, and little by little I started using my ability to hear my thoughts,in other words my mind was becoming blanker and duller.

Now fast track to a year and a half later I have all of this except even more amplified, I feel as if I have lost my inner voice completely, I forget who I am and who I used to be, I talk and sometimes my mind doesn't even register that I am talking, it's as if I'm completely controlled. I have the sensation of having absolutely no thoughts. I looked at my girlfriend and family and I feel like they're complete strangers, and so I try to think of memories about them but very scarcely do they come up, I have lost track of time completely, and my short term and long term memories are terrible which depresses me so much because I feel like the lack of memories of my loved ones is the main thing that is causing the huge disconnect between us. I look at their faces and they look so foreign. I kind of know they're my loved ones it's just it's becoming harder everyday. I feel completely dead inside as if I have zero emotion. It takes me an unbelievable amount of effort just to do simple things like get up and eat or interact socially with people as I have almost completely cut myself off from society, I feel no need whatsoever to interact or with or have new friends. I look at people getting stressed because of their problems and i ask myself why they're stressed because I am so numb to things that To me it's hard to understand them. My mother is is discouraged with me that she cries and I sincerely feel nothing when I know this Is not normal at all. I feel like an overall bad person because I used to be so kind and empathetic. I feel that I am fading into indifference and deep down the last glimpse of my humane self is trying desperately to prevent this from happening. The pain is the lack of memories I have, to me this hurts me the most because i know I should love my family and girlfriend but I just can't because nothing ever pops into my head about them. I feel stupid. I walk into a room and it's as if my mind doesn't have the capacity to process things around me. As if it's too much to handle, but I hardly ever feel nervous so I don't think this is being caused by anxiety. I just feel cognitively damaged. I went to get another mri and they also said everything was fine. My memory worries me as I forget completely what I did the day before, or when I do it feels so distant. I look at myself in the mirror and sometimes I have trouble understanding that it is me staring back. You know the phrase "the lights are on but there's no one home"? That's how I feel. I am getting scared this might be dementia. I know I'm nineteen, but I'm starting to really question depersonalization. I feel almost indifferent to everything in life. Everything has lost its magic. Does anyone relate to this? I know this is a long post, but any comment, whatever it may be would help me a lot.
Thanks