I'm 19, female. Just want to share my feelings with people who understand!
I can't remember how or when I started feeling like this (my memory is affected by it really badly, everything is hazy) but it's been about 2 years. I constantly feel like I'm in a dream, I talk to people but it's like I have no part in the thought-process. I feel completely isolated from everyone like I'm in a bubble.
Most of the time I try not the think about it because if I do I feel really panicky and hopeless. If it never ends then I don't feel like there's much point being here because I feel so numb and detached!
I was diagnosed with depression about 8 months ago and am taking 20mg of citalopram a day as well as seeing a therapist. I hoped this would help with my detachment but if anything it's worse. I try to talk to my therapist about it but he doesn't seem to understand the extent of it; he says its probably down to stress, and focuses on my depression, but it is my dream-like state which causes most of my stress!
I have a really supportive boyfriend but it's difficult to talk to him because he has no idea what it's like. I know that I love him but the actual feelings of love disappeared with my dissociative state. I don't experience any sensations anymore!
I'd love to talk to people who feel the same, because it's a very lonely place to be.
Thanks for listening x
- alnadine20 likes this