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Member Since 01 Oct 2014
Offline Last Active Aug 09 2015 11:51 PM

#355542 I made a YouTube Vid on my DP

Posted by khamilton133 on 05 August 2015 - 06:40 AM

Hey guys,


I've done a few posts on here. Just letting you all know i've made a YouTube vid on my experience. I hope it helps a little. I will make a follow up video and go a bit more into detail:


Depersonalization & Derealization Advice 




#343706 Depersonalization from panic attacks usually disappears.

Posted by khamilton133 on 03 October 2014 - 03:50 AM

Thanks for the reply guys means a lot, i'm really glad reading my story can help you relate a little bit.


I took the 50mg of Zoloft for two days, I was feeling even more DP and I was so sick I couldn't go to work, had heart palpitations, dizzy, no energy. I was getting very depressed and knew I couldn't take 50mg again. So I went to the doctor today he said I should stick to 25mg due to having a slow metabolism and being a rather small person (55kg) so I think I will be alright on this amount and if my anxiety can be lifted a bit i know that my DP will slowly go away again.


I was taking a few pills of Valium as I needed them and lately that's been fairly often but thank god it's helped more than i ever expected. I know without them calming me down I would have ended up in the ER. I've felt a bit better today after having 25mg last night. I feel pretty foggy and am having trouble remembering things. But I do know these few weeks on zoloft have helped me a little.


The body is a strange thing, having panic attacks from things that are not a real threat is just ridiculous. In today's society there aren't that many reasons why our flight or fight response needs to even be as strong as it use to be 1000s of years ago. DP would have been happening to people well before you and I, but i don't think anybody would have had a name for it, or even spoken about it so this is a great community.


It feels absolutely hopeless living with DP not knowing when it will disappear, people around you not even slightly understanding (which is fair enough because unless you have experienced it you wouldn't have a clue). It does feel like you are in a constant acid trip (never done acid i'm just assuming) just an awful strange world where you are the only one and you don't really know who you're with or what they are saying. It's hard to get back into the swing of things and a lot of posts say you just need to get out and do it, which i agree with but if you know that you will be triggered by something take it slow, don't feel the pressure to do that thing there will be a point where you can do it without having such a strong feeling of panic.


Does anyone else get panic attacks from the DP coming on too strong? I have had constant DP for this last few weeks but when I get a stronger feeling of it in public I get another panic attack?

#343575 Depersonalization from panic attacks usually disappears.

Posted by khamilton133 on 01 October 2014 - 08:21 AM

I just want to thank you all for being here through all of my hard times, I read through these posts and forums like a bible when i'm going having DP and anxiety it helps so much knowing that you are not alone.


Anyway, this is my story. I'm 24, Female, Live in Australia, this is going to be a long story.


At the age of 16 I was given Lexapro for mild depression, at that time I don't think i really needed it, i didn't take it every day, i didn't take it properly at all and was getting brain zaps and all sorts of issues. after about 3 months of this a friend and I heard that taking a large dose of nutmeg would give you a high, we tried this, i felt nothing. 2 minutes after she left my house i had my first ever SEVERE panic attack, I believe now that it was from being anxious about what I had just taken and that it probably had no effect on me at all. At this age i had no idea what the hell was happening, i made my friend come back and get me, we drove to a quiet place near a river and i ran around like a crazy person i even said please just let me die i dont know what is happening. I laid in the back of her car for hours i was so scared i was going bat shit crazy and if anyone else saw me i would be sent to a mental institute, i 100% believed that at the time. I thought i was doomed to feel this way forever. I stayed at her house for 3 days without telling anyone, her family didn't even know i was there. I finally felt slightly better and went home. I continued on living my regular life and I suppose i just got better after a while. At this point I certainly didn't know it was a panic attack, and i never told any of my family.


For the next few years i would go through bouts of anxiety and some panic attacks but not really too bad. I then moved away from my home town to the city. Mostly it was pretty well. And then I would start getting a huge panic attack every 6 months. I couldn't even put a name on it at this point. I saw GP's I went to a neurologist who said maybe i have abscence seizures, i had a CT scan... Nothing wrong with me. No one even thought to tell me it's anxiety and depersonalisation. That's about 8 years of my life now that I had no idea what was even happening. The most recent panic attack i had was a couple of weeks ago, I have had DP with every panic attack but this time it has lingered around, so i looked it up. And WOW have I felt so much comfort from actually understanding what is wrong with me/us. I can understand that my brain just needed to check out for a while. (I have had big changes moving house, finding out my grandfather is an aboriginal man out of nowhere). Lots of things. I was sick and I was out walking, I started to panic because i needed to lay down but we were to far away from home so i started to panic and get nervous.

I started stomping my feet, tensing my whole body pulling at my hair squinting all of the things you guys probably go through when DP and panic attacks set in.


I got home from my walk and I was a mess, my partner doesn't understand mental illness which makes life a lot harder he said "you're home now why are you even panicing still". Just a real soul crusher at the time, i mean i wish i knew. I came inside ran to the toilet started to vomit and hit the toilet, i do things like that to know i can actually feel and i'm actually a real living person. (which in turn freaks my partner out and i feel even worse for being a psycho). 


It's been about 3 weeks since the main attack, I started 25mg Zoloft 2 weeks ago, was going alright tried to up it to 50mg last night felt awful today anxious and jittery, heart palpitations, nightmares. All the stuff they tell you about, but i do think the 25mg helped a little and now if i can handle 50 i will be okay. I also take valium as needed which has only been given to me this year because as i said no one ever told me i had panic disorder, i had 100 blood tests and nothing was wrong with me. 


I also started seeing a psychologist and and acupuncturist and both seem to be going alright. I haven't got a strong family network and my friends don't really live nearby either so i spend 95% of my time with my partner who really doesn't understand what i'm going through and at times i feel guilty - for example if i can't get out of bed or i pull out of doing things because i just can't move or leave the house. it all makes no sense to him.


I eat a fairly healthy diet, I am active, I believe i'm mostly a happy person but my anxiety has been such an underlying problem. I am shy (didn't realise that's anxiety) i get nervous in crowds (anxiety) i can't be too far from home (anxiety). I think anxiety is overlooked these days because depression is the word people use and anxiety just falls under that umbrella.



I appreciate all of the things i've read on here, good and bad. I love hearing your experiences and I want people to be able to approach me. I'll let you know how the zoloft goes, usually my DP would have cleared up by now. I feel devestated when i read that people have DP for months and years at a time. There will be a point in your life where you will feel okay and you will see some hope. Thanks again guys!